Thinking

Ruby Wax Live: Inspirational, Funny and Informative in her Sane New World Tour

Reading Time: 3 minutes
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The Lowry Theatre – Salford Quays

My good friend Jayne had bought us tickets to see Ruby Wax live at The Lowry, Salford Quays for my birthday. But on the day, unfortunately Jayne wasn’t well. My anxiety went into overdrive, but I manage to arrange for Simon to come along instead.

Simon and I just made it on time and took our seats, as Ruby sat on stage about to start. Ruby had split the show into two sections. In the first she delivered a scripted, but still exceptionally funny and informative talk on why we’re screwed.

Ruby explained how she became the Poster Girl for mental illness, shared some of her experiences and schooled us in the functioning of the brain. She covered the chemicals of the brain and their functions including dopamine, serotonin and cortisol. Ruby explained what happens in the brain in the case of dysfunction – such as in the cases of depression and anxiety. Then she briefly explained how mindfulness effects the brain before taking the audience through a short mindful exercise.

After the the interval we returned to our seats for a two way discussion about mental health between Ruby and the audience. I actually reached for the microphone, which I couldn’t imagine doing when I was well let alone in recovery. But I just thought: I’m only get this opportunity once. Plus there was something about Ruby that made me feel at ease. I disclosed about being ill, to Ruby and an audience of about two hundred, no less. I explained that I had been worried about the stigma and only went to get help when I completely lost the ability to function.

I told Ruby that I agreed life getting busier, with too much information to retain and that it often felt unmanageable. I stated that often I feel like I’m not achieving anything, as every time I reach a goal – my mind moves the goal posts further away.

I explained to Ruby and the audience that I am learning to control my negative thought patterns and critical inner voice. I said that I feel that I can control my thoughts, but that I struggle with controlling my feelings. I asked Ruby what she thought the difference was. She said that there was none, that they were both just chemicals in the brain.

Other people asked Ruby questions, shared their experiences or explained projects that they were involved with around mental health. Then Ruby brought the show to a conclusion.

Afterwards, I treated myself to two of Ruby’s books (see below). She thanked me for my question and she was kind enough to sign both of the books for me.

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Treated Myself to Ruby Wax’s two books – both of which she kindly signed.

I did become a little star struck, being so close to this inspirational woman. – Sorry about that Ruby.

Overall the experience including the Sane New World show, discussion and book signing left me feeling less alone and that Ruby is without doubt a inspirational, funny and informative woman. Thank you Ruby. It was a superb experience that I would recommend anyone whose experienced poor mental health, been effected by another’s poor mental health, or is just interested in keeping mentally well.

Oh and if you can’t get to see her, you can buy her book Sane New World on Amazon.

Write soon,

Antony

Support

I recognise that people visiting this page/post might want to know where they can get support.
If you require support around your mental health, addiction or physical health, see this Support page here.

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Finally…in Recovery and getting Back to Life

Reading Time: 4 minutes
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Me Drinking Coffee. Slowly Getting Back to Life 🙂

In January, everything stopped. I stopped being able to function and was ill. The truth is that I had been ill for a long time before this, but that I had continued to solider on – hoping that I would start to feel better.

Here were some of my symptoms:
Tick Box Bullet Point No concentration span. I wasn’t able to watch TV or films, read or write. I didn’t feel safe to drive, so I didn’t.
Tick Box Bullet Point Short term memory loss.


Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling constantly exhausted despite sleeping for many, many hours.
Tick Box Bullet Point Some insomnia and night terrors.
Tick Box Bullet Point Back pain – despite resting and regularly completing physiotherapy exercises.
Tick Box Bullet Point Head aches.
Tick Box Bullet Point Stomach ache/constipation despite eating a reasonably good diet.
Tick Box Bullet Point Poor personal hygiene and not cleaning my home environment.
Tick Box Bullet Point Overeating or forcing myself to eat despite feeling that I didn’t want to.
Tick Box Bullet Point No motivation – I found it extremely difficult and tiring to do the smallest of tasks.
Tick Box Bullet Point Reckless spending of money – mostly through online shopping.
Tick Box Bullet Point Any extremely variable mood which changed throughout the day and night. From being void of any feelings to a tornado of fast swirling feelings including: guilt, inadequacy and feeling like a failure.
Tick Box Bullet Point Anxiety – resulting in becoming antisocial and finding it difficult to leave home.
Tick Box Bullet Point Worry and panic about what people would think of me.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling hopeless, which is the worst feeling in the world.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling like I was loosing my mind.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling like I was falling down a dark bottomless pit.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling frustrated at not being able to snap out of it and that nothing I did made a difference to how I felt or my ability to function.
Tick Box Bullet Point Overly self-critical thoughts and zero self esteem. A critical inner voice that was loud and repetitive.
Tick Box Bullet Point At two particularly bad points I suffered from compulsions to end my life.
Tick Box Bullet Point In short, feeling like my mind, body and soul were being devoured and destroyed by this illness.

So I went to see my GP who completed the PHQ depression test and diagnosed me with severe clinical depression. At several points throughout my treatment, this test was repeated to check on my progress. At one point, I was scoring 24 out of a possible 27. My GP started me on antidepressants and encouraged me to self-refer for counselling.

The first antidepressant didn’t work, despite gradually increasing the dose to the maximum. Apparently this is really common, happening to at least 50% of people. So my GP gradually withdrew the first antidepressant and then started me on another – which thankfully is working. I self-referred to counselling, had an assessment and to this date am still on the waiting list.

January to May has felt like a write-off in every sense of the word. But I feel extremely lucky to have made it through this dark and difficult time. What’s that phrase? Ah yes…I believe I made it through by the skin on my teeth.

Looking back, I’ve had depressive tendencies for at least the last few years. I’ve been rubbish at spotting the symptoms in myself, but am much more aware of signs, symptoms and triggers now.

I’m still in recovery and it is a gradual process. I’m still on the antidepressants and will be for sometime. I’ve started taking multivitamins to make sure my body and mind is getting what it needs. But now I’m feeling good, better than I have felt in years. I’ve even started laughing again, proper belly laughs, which I haven’t done for what feels like forever.

Now I’m getting back to life. I’ve thanked those close to me for their support, love, care and kindness. I’ve gone back to work and realised that I have the most brilliant, amazing and fantastic work colleagues. They’ve been so supportive and I feel so lucky to work with such wonderful people.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Be part of the Democratic Revolution with The People’s Assembly

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The People’s Assembly is against austerity, which is ideological rather than essential. It’s against Britain being run for the minority of the wealthy elite and instead advocates running society for the majority.

I learned about The People’s Assembly through reading The Establishment by Owen Jones, see my review of the book here.The People’s Assembly

The People’s Charter (below), which gives more detail on what they stand for:

They are not associated to any political party and instead are more like a campaign group or national forum. I encourage you all to support The People’s Assembly and be part of the democratic revolution.

Want to get involved? Here’s how:

I’ve donated and am hoping that The People’s Assembly will do what it sets out to achieve – a fairer society for all.

Write soon,

Antony

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Goals & New Experiences for 2015

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Goals For Throughout The Year

Unticked Box Read & Review 30 books.
Unticked Box Watch & Review 12 films.
Unticked Box See a show/gig.
Unticked Box Give up smoking for good.

Unticked Box Write, Edit and publish a Novella.
Unticked Box Arrange & Have a Holiday.
Unticked Box Study Something Pagan/Druid with Chrys & Simon.

New Experiences for 2015 by month:

January

Unticked Box To start Writing again.
Unticked Box To write a series of blog posts with a ‘Mental Health Focus,’ publishing one a week throughout the month.

February

Unticked Box Try Yoga. Take a Yoga class.

March

Unticked Box Visit a Museum.

April

Unticked Box See a Sunrise.
Unticked Box Visit a new place. A city or town that I’ve never been to.

May

Unticked Box Celebrate my birthday. A night out to celebrate in style. Possibly in another city or town.
Unticked Box Visit a Castle or a Pagan site.

June

Unticked Box Spend time Walking in Nature.
Unticked Box Take time out to celebrate Litha.
Unticked Box Watch Jurassic World at the cinema.

July

Unticked Box Attend Mum’s events. Birthday, etc.
Unticked Box Watch Minions at the cinema.

August

Unticked Box Visit Chester Zoo’s new Islands exhibit.

September

Unticked Box Learn to Knit.
Unticked Box Donate to charities.

October

Unticked Box Celebrate Samhain.

November

Unticked Box Take some time out to relax.

December

Unticked Box Watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens at the cinema.

Blog soon,

Antony

More Content From Antony

Here are the books that Antony has published:

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