Last week was the worst of my life. The hole in the roof of my mouth got bigger. It took away my ability to speak and be understood clearly, restricted my diet and fluid intake and made taking medications challenging.
It sent my mood very low. Apart from attending a coupe of medical appointments, I slept. Day and night. That’s all I did. The situation felt overwhelming.
Its taken me a week to figure it out. I’ve been stressing and worrying about things that I have no control over. It reminded of this page in The Alcohol Therapy Workbook:
So I am re-focusing on what I can control: me. My thoughts and behaviours.
Loss leads to a grieving process. I feel like my vasculitis diagnosis and accompanying symptoms have led to a loss of a quality of life, as well as a shorter life expectancy than I had expected. So I’m currently grieving.
I’ve done the denial and shock stages of grief, but am currently struggling with the anger and depression stages.
Anger is a weird one. I’m not angry at a person or God, but I’m angry with the whole way this universe works. It feels unfair and even though I know logically that life isn’t always fair, I’m still angry about it. Anger isn’t something I experience often and it is one of those feelings that for me is uncomfortable. I’m rarely ever angry so my resilence to tolerating this emotion is quite low, as are my coping strategies for dealing with it.
Depression on the other hand is bunch of feelings that I’m far too familiar with due to having bipolar. Hoplessness, a lack of joy, physical/mental exhaustion, I could go on, but I won’t.
These feelings of anger and depression are a normal part of the grieving process. I know that. But it doesn’t make them any easier to deal with. I’m struggling to cope, so I’ve referred myself for some counselling. I know there’s really no solution to these feelings, they are not a problem or a puzzle to be solved, they have to be experienced, in order to move on to the acceptance stage.
Right now I’m focusing on being patient and kind to everyone – including myself, so that I don’t inflict any harm on anyone because of how I am feeling.
I am acutely aware that my last few blog posts haven’t been positive. But I suppose that’s to be expected when you’re grieving.
Caroline Aherne was the comedy genius responsible for The Mrs Merton Show and The Royale Family. Caroline was from Manchester, the North West of England.
Caroline had a tragic life including being born with a rare form of eye cancer, being a victim of domestic violence & abuse in her marriage, suffering with depression/possibly bipolar, alcohol dependency, bladder cancer and died of lung cancer at just 52 years old.
Despite all this tragedy and suffering, she had the wonderful gift of being naturally funny. It is for this talent and skill that she is remembered by friends in the BBC’s Caroline Ahern: Queen of Comedy documentary.
This excellent documentary is well worth a watch. It showed Caroline’s love of life with TV clips and interviews with friends, her humour and the impact she had on individuals lucky enough to know her.
How endless does this lockdown feel? It feels like it has gone on forever. It feels like the rules of lockdown have permeated every aspect of our lives. In some cases the rules feel like they have taken our old lives hostage. No longer can we take anything for granted. Not even the simplest of things like exchanging a hug with a loved one.
With experts are expecting a 2nd wave, it looks like the relaxation of lockdown maybe reversed. Possibly made even stricter.
With all this going on, it’s not surprising that for some, this has had a tole on their mental health. So I would like to remind you that you can purchase my book Mental Health Wisdom from Amazon for just £7.49 paperback (or £1.99 Kindle) here. It’s full of strategies to help people to deal with adversity and improve their mental health.
Now let’s talk about me. It been a bit of a difficult time. First there was an international shortage of Depakote, one of the medications I take. So I had to switch to Epilim, basically the same thing but a different brand. However nobody at the Pharmacy or GP knew there was a shortage of Depakote, so it took nearly two weeks without any Depakote to get the Epilim prescribed and started. This led to manic and mixed moods.
But before this and underlying I had been struggling with depressive symptoms, that even the maximum dose of Venlafaxine wasn’t helping with. So my Consultant Psychiatrist has taken me off Quetiapine and started me on Mirtazapine.
I’ve never had this mix of medications before, so it is uncharted territory. We just have to keep trying until we get the right balance in my brain. Even though I know this, it is sometimes frustrating.
In other news my iMac (photo below) has died and gone to Apple heaven.
My iMac finally died.
It had been really slow for a while and since getting a laptop I haven’t used it that much; but it is still disappointing.
This week I’m off on annual leave. I’ve taken a few days to rest and recharge. Next I’ve got a few days seeing family and friends – social distancing. Then at the end of the week Steve and I are going to South Lakes Safari Zoo.
I’ll be sure to do a blog post about my visit to the Zoo. Blog soon,
The Z-Virus mutates people’s DNA. The majority of infected people become zombies, but a minority seem immune but the virus causes them to develop powers.
At first these powers like invisibility, telepathy and telekinesis aided survival. But as the Z-Virus continues to mutate the powers become more and more destructive.
Forced with no other choice, one group goes in search of a cure. But will they survive the roaming zombie hordes long enough to make an epic journey across the country to find the cure?
Join Alexis, Vis, Chan, Luke, Natalie, Grace, Chloe, Kyle, David and Goliath on this journey in Z-Virus Powers, the first instalment of this three part story.
Are you a Doctor, Nurse, Healthcare Assistant or Other Healthcare Professional? Or a Student?
Ways The Human Body Can Go Wrong covers every system of the body, what can go wrong when the body malfunctions or fails, symptoms (including why these happen) and cures/treatments available.
It includes knowledge around essential skills for Clinical Excellence such as Assessment, All Age Observational Norms, Models of Care, Communication/Handover Tips, the role of Specialities, Medication Tips, Dealing with Errors, Documentation Advice and a list of Useful Resources.
It is written in plain English, but highlights important medical terminology. It has been written at a level where someone from a non-medical background can pick it up and learn, but that it is still valuable to those with significant Clinical Experience.
My dear friend Roy decided to follow in his family’s footsteps and enlist in the Royal Navy.
I wanted to maintain our friendship, to continue to support Roy, to make him laugh and to entertain him. So I came up with the idea of sending him a weekly email on random topics.
These emails were on a variety of topics, always being entertaining, sometimes being interesting, sometimes funny and occasionally being serious.
Topics included: Jokes, Puzzles, Inspirational Quotes, Future Technology to Be Excited About, How to Fight A Shark, How to Woo A Turtle, Some of the Most Amazing Jobs in the World, Facts About Castles, Do Aliens Exist?, The Kindest Humans, A List of Cakes, 13 Weird Body Facts, 20 Super Space Facts, Ancient Egyptian Curses, 10 Weird Olympic Games, The Great Emu War of 1932, Quiz: Flags of the World, Legendary Characters from the UK and others.
My Royal Navy Friend is a copy of these emails. In total, there are 52 emails. Dispersed throughout the book are also Royal Navy facts and stories.
This workbook has been designed for anyone that is struggling with alcohol or has struggled with alcohol in the past.
It is written in a Motivational Interviewing style, one of the key therapies used to support people with alcohol issues. It has been designed using a trauma-informed approach and is strength–based.
What you will find in this book is more than just worksheets about alcohol. You’ll find all the tools someone needs to get into recovery from alcohol and stay there. It’s a therapy-based book, not an alcohol-based book.
SpellCast is a comprehensive compendium of spells, oils, charms and talismans. It is purely a book about magic, folk magic for the 21st century. The spells are ones that are tried and tested, with some that will stand the test of time.
In SpellCast you will read about the power of Instant Magic, of Banishment & Bindings, Blessings, Cleansing, Communication, Death, Employment, Finance & Money, Fertility, Friendship, Happiness & Joy, Health, Love & Relationships, Luck Magic, Protection, Transformative Magic and WishCraft.
This book will change your life. Your life will be abundant in all meanings of the word.
This book contains everything that you need to know about mental health and mental illness. Mental Health Wisdom is divided into three sections.
Understanding is section one and is all about the facts of mental health.
In section two, Empathy Through Lived Experience, the author shares his personal experience of mental illness.
Life Hacks is section three. It’s all about self-care and quick and easy ways to improve your mental health, prevent mental illness or relapse of mental illness.
Mental Health Wisdom contains everything that you need to know about mental health and mental illness.
Mental Health Wisdom is divided into three sections.
Understanding is section one and is all about the facts of mental health.
In section two, Empathy Through Lived Experience, the author shares his personal experience of mental illness.
Life Hacks is section three. It’s all about self-care and quick and easy ways to improve your mental health, prevent mental illness or relapse of mental illness.
If you find my blog educational or entertaining, please consider making a purchase or donation on Ko-Fi.
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