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Ruth Cocker Burks: The altruistic woman who cared for gay men dying with AIDS in the 1980s in the USA

By Gigs & Shows, Health, Inspiration4 Comments

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Ruth Cocker Burks, image by Brian Chilson (from Out Magazine’s Website)

The photo above is of Ruth Cocker Burks.

Ruth is the altruistic woman who cared for gay men dying with AIDS in the 1980s in Little Rock, Arkansas, USA. It started when she was at University Hospital visiting a friend who had cancer. At the time she was 25 years old with a young family.

One day she saw a door to a patient’s room with a big red bag over it. Inside was a gay man dying of AIDS. Nobody came to visit him. He was asking for his mother. So Burks called his mother. His mother told Burks that being gay had brought shame on the family. His family didn’t want to know. Even the healthcare staff treated him as cursed. So Burks cared for him. She visited him in hospital and when he finally passed away she buried him.

Burks then went on to give this end-of-life care to hundreds of gay men and to bury at least three dozen herself. Luckily for Burks, her mother had bought 262 plots in a graveyard when she was younger due to a colossal family argument. This meant that Burks has plenty of space for the burials.

From the bottom of my heart and on behalf of those gay men, I just want to say: Thank you Ruth Cocker Burks. Nobody deserves to die alone, afraid and without care or love.

Burks believes that a higher power led her to her destiny of caring for these gay men dying with AIDS. I don’t know if that’s true or not. But what I do know is that Burks’ actions represents the very best aspects of humanity: care, compassion, kindness and love.

Burks is an inspirational woman and I wish we could all be more altruistic, meaning that we care for the well-being of others more.

The blog post above is a shortened paraphrase of Meet the Woman Who Cared for Hundreds of Abandoned Gay Men Dying of AIDS from Out Magazine’s online website.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Friday 22 July 2016

My Thirtieth Birthday

By Friends & Family, Happiness & Joy, Life, Thinking3 Comments

Yesterday I Became:
30

Thirty years old. It was a busy day with many highlights. My close family and I went out for a meal in my favourite restaurant Gallimore’s. I was so pleased that almost everyone could and did come. Here are photos of my cake and balloons:

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My 30th Birthday Cake: Minion Bob.
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My 30th Birthday Balloons.

Gallimore’s Fine Restaurant served sublime and tasty food and the service was excellent. My thanks to Gallimore’s for making my birthday even more special.

I was completely overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity from my family and friends on my birthday. I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the Facebook messages, the cards, the balloons, the gifts and the money from family and friends.

At the end of the month, some good friends and I are going to Chester Zoo to see the new Islands Exhibit.

Big birthdays always cause me to reflect on my life so far. I think about what I’ve done and not done. What I’ve experienced and haven’t experienced. I play what if scenarios out in my head for both the past and the future.

We are all a work in progress. We are constantly growing as we experience life and learn. I am proud of what I’ve achieved in life so far. I could list my achievements like overcoming adversity, becoming and being a good Nurse, being creative and my ongoing recovery from a mental health illness.

But the thing I’m most proud of is to have a wonderful loving family and a bunch great friends whom I would trust with my life.

Write soon,

Antony

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Sunday 15 May 2016

My India Adventure (Part 1) – The Journey, First Impressions of Delhi, The Guest House & The Family

By Adventures, Friends & Family, Happiness & Joy, Inspiration, Transportation, TravelNo Comments
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At the train station with my suitcase that I borrowed off my mum.

 The Journey
I travelled by train, on Megabus and on the London Underground with plenty of walking in-between to get to Heathrow Airport.

At Heathrow I was met by Robert and Michael (Robert’s father). After big hugs had been exchanged, we boarded a British Airways (BA) flight to Delhi, India. Robert and I sat together, with Michael close by.

The BA flight was superb. Excellent service staff, that served us with a smile and timed everything on the flight perfectly. We had free food, drinks and of course alcohol. The onboard entertainment service had the latest blockbuster films and even some games that Robert and I played together. The nine hour flight felt like it flew by.

Here are some photos from plane:

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Our British Airways Plane
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Robert and I on the plane.
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A little bubbly on the flight to celebrate.
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Me tipsy on the bubbly.

We arrived at Delhi Airport which I would soon discover was so cool because of the glorious air conditioning. Robert, Michael and I had a moment of panic after a family had accidentally picked up Michael’s hand luggage and walked off the plane with it. But after a quick paced jog, the family were found and the hand luggage was safely returned. No harm done.

Then we stopped a foggy smoking room (it had no windows) so that I could feed my nicotine-addicted brain receptors and then glided through immigration, security and baggage collection without incident.

While waiting at the baggage collection, Robert took the opportunity to transform himself from Weary Traveller to Handsome Groom-to-be. It was an impressive feat and one that I understood as he hadn’t seen his fiancée Neha in quite sometime.

Stepping outside at Arrivals at Delhi Airport was like stepping into an oven on its highest setting. There were a sea of people and with lots of noise, presumably waiting to greet other travellers. Then we saw Neha – she was everything I expected and more. Gorgeous, intelligent and simply wonderful. Neha and her family helped Robert, Michael and I with our suitcases and bags into the car and then we set off away from the airport and into the city beyond.

First Impressions
My first impressions of Delhi were made in the first day or two. Delhi is a progressive city that’s under constant development. Everywhere you look infrastructure is being improved and new buildings (homes, businesses and hotels) are being built.

Driving in Delhi at first appears to be a free for all, complete with frequent sudden breaking and incessant use of horns. But the more time you send on the road, the more you realise that there’s lots of unwritten rules. That said, every car in Delhi has a body that’s covered in scratches and dents.

During the day, cows were often seen grazing at the side of the road. They were apparently owned.

At night, many dogs were seen on the streets of Delhi. These street dogs aren’t owned by anyone and have to scavenge for survival. Throughout my time in Delhi I only saw one dog on a lead that was being kept as a pet.

Delhi appeared to be a Patriarchal society. However, I was reliably informed that this is changing. More women are working, getting protection so that if they get pregnant employers can’t sack them and some are even getting maternity pay. This was good to hear and gave me the impression that Delhi is a progressively liberal city; one that’s getting more liberal as time goes by. Delhi appeared to be working towards gender equality, with other types of equality are likely to follow on from this.

The Guest House
The guest house was clean an gave Robert, Michael and I ampul space. Each of our room’s were ensuite and had air conditioning. The Wifi left a lot to be desired – but this didn’t bother me, as it turned out there would be very little time to check Facebook anyway.

Indians that call the Bathroom the Washroom. Delhi has low water pressure, so to shower you fill a big bucket (see Washroom photos below) with water and then use a smaller jug to pour water over your body as required. In my bathroom there were plugs and wiring above the toilet. I felt slightly uncomfortable with this, I growing up I had been taught that electricity and water don’t mix. But apparently there’s no health and safety in India – so I just rolled with it.

I had cold showers for three days before I realised that there was a water heater outside, wired to a plug above the toilet and that there was a separate switch in the bathroom to turn the plug socket on. The Guest House staff only spoke Hindi so I had to discover these things for myself. Here are some photos from the Guest House:

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Guest House: Room (1)
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Guest House: Room (2)
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Guest House: Washroom (1).
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Guest House: Washroom (2).
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Guest House: Washroom (3).
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Guest House: View from the balcony.

The Family
The family included Neha’s parents, Neha’s two sisters, Neha’s two brother-in-law’s and their children. They were all such lovely people. They were kind and generous and looked after Robert, Michael and I really well. We were all treated like part of the family. It was especially kind of them to treat me in this way as I was an extra who was just Robert’s friend – owe there’s my inferiority complex kicking in there. Each of the family members have left a special place in my heart. Thank you doesn’t seem like a good enough phrase to express my gratitude.

I have deliberately excluded photos of the family here, as I don’t post photos of people without permission. It was such a busy week that I did get the opportunity to ask them for their permission.

I particularly loved the family meals at the home of Neha’s parents. They were easily the best indian food I’d ever tasted – but more on that in another blog post.

On the night before Robert and Neha’s wedding, to celebrate a birthday of one of the brother-in-law’s the men in the family went to this fantastic five star hotel bar for drinks. I had a Cosmopolitan, which was buy one get one free. Just look at how fantastic the bar in this five star hotel was:

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A 5* Hotel Bar (1)
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A 5* Hotel Bar (2)
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Cosmopolitan? Why not. Buy 1 get 1 free to :).

In the next blog post in the series titled My India Adventure (Part 2) – The Wedding, I will be writing all about Robert and Neha’s Wedding. It will be coming soon, so come back for that update.

Write soon,

Antony



I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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Tuesday 11 August 2015

Ruby Wax Live: Inspirational, Funny and Informative in her Sane New World Tour

By Friends & Family, Gigs & Shows, Happiness & Joy, Health, Inspiration, Life, ThinkingNo Comments
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The Lowry Theatre – Salford Quays

 My good friend Jayne had bought us tickets to see Ruby Wax live at The Lowry, Salford Quays for my birthday. But on the day, unfortunately Jayne wasn’t well. My anxiety went into overdrive, but I manage to arrange for Simon to come along instead.

Simon and I just made it on time and took our seats, as Ruby sat on stage about to start. Ruby had split the show into two sections. In the first she delivered a scripted, but still exceptionally funny and informative talk on why we’re screwed.

Ruby explained how she became the Poster Girl for mental illness, shared some of her experiences and schooled us in the functioning of the brain. She covered the chemicals of the brain and their functions including dopamine, serotonin and cortisol. Ruby explained what happens in the brain in the case of dysfunction – such as in the cases of depression and anxiety. Then she briefly explained how mindfulness effects the brain before taking the audience through a short mindful exercise.

After the the interval we returned to our seats for a two way discussion about mental health between Ruby and the audience. I actually reached for the microphone, which I couldn’t imagine doing when I was well let alone in recovery. But I just thought: I’m only get this opportunity once. Plus there was something about Ruby that made me feel at ease. I disclosed about being ill, to Ruby and an audience of about two hundred, no less. I explained that I had been worried about the stigma and only went to get help when I completely lost the ability to function.

I told Ruby that I agreed life getting busier, with too much information to retain and that it often felt unmanageable. I stated that often I feel like I’m not achieving anything, as every time I reach a goal – my mind moves the goal posts further away.

I explained to Ruby and the audience that I am learning to control my negative thought patterns and critical inner voice. I said that I feel that I can control my thoughts, but that I struggle with controlling my feelings. I asked Ruby what she thought the difference was. She said that there was none, that they were both just chemicals in the brain.

Other people asked Ruby questions, shared their experiences or explained projects that they were involved with around mental health. Then Ruby brought the show to a conclusion.

Afterwards, I treated myself to two of Ruby’s books (see below). She thanked me for my question and she was kind enough to sign both of the books for me.

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Treated Myself to Ruby Wax’s two books – both of which she kindly signed.

I did become a little star struck, being so close to this inspirational woman. – Sorry about that Ruby.

Overall the experience including the Sane New World show, discussion and book signing left me feeling less alone and that Ruby is without doubt a inspirational, funny and informative woman. Thank you Ruby. It was a superb experience that I would recommend anyone whose experienced poor mental health, been effected by another’s poor mental health, or is just interested in keeping mentally well.

Oh and if you can’t get to see her, you can buy her book Sane New World on Amazon.

Write soon,

Antony

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I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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Sunday 31 May 2015
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