Dearest Reader,
I recently released my latest book FINDING YOUR HAPPINESS. I wanted to share with you why I wrote it. To do so, I need to tell you part of my story. So, here goes:
Nearly 2 years ago now, after two years of being physically and mentally ill, I was diagnosed with Vasculitis.
Vasculitis is an autoimmune disease, where your immune system wrongly mistakes small blood vessels for foreign cells and attacks them. The vasculitis diagnosis came with a reduced average life expectancy.
The average life expectancy for someone with Vasculitis is 20 years from the point of diagnosis. This meant I had just 20 years of life left. I was 38 years old at the time of diagnosis.
This shortened life expectancy caused me to ask myself: Are you happy? The answer was no.
I have Type 1 Diabetes and was slightly overweight. My blood sugars were always too high. I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I was on two different antidepressants and an antipsychotic medication. I didn’t have time, energy or motivation to exercise. I didn’t eat well or sleep well.
I was working in the National Health Service (NHS) as an Alcohol Specialist Nurse. I enjoyed my face to face work supporting people with addiction issues. But the ever increasing workload and other stressors made me unhappy at work.
My relationships with family or friends were good. Or at least, at the time, I thought so. I spent a lot of my time with family or friends trying to meet their expectations of me – to be entertaining and funny, to be there to support them in difficult times, to take care of them. This is what I thought a good relative or friend did.
I didn’t have a partner. I didn’t go out on dates. In truth, I’d given up on romantic love. I’d decided that I just wasn’t lucky in that department.
Despite being a Specialist Nurse on a decent salary, money was always tight. When I really thought about it: I was very unhappy. I felt like I was existing, rather than living.
I decided to use my own counselling skills developed in the 18+ years working with people with addiction issues to counsel myself. I decided to look at my entire life, every aspect of it, and ask myself: What would make you happier?Then I would make the necessary changes. It was a daunting task.
Sometimes, it is easier to be stuck in an unhappy and unfulfilling rut, rather than be brave and face the truth. Especially when facing and accepting where I was in my life. This involved acknowledging the unhappiness and beginning to make changes.
Change is always uncomfortable and sometimes even difficult. Our brains like patterns of behaviour, they are key to our survival as a species. But patterns of behaviour are not key to a healthier and happier life.
So I got counselling. In my eyes, the Counsellor had two roles. The first was to ensure I kept being honest with myself. The second was to ensure that I made the changes that needed to be made.
I explored every aspect of my life. I started making changes. After nearly two years of hard work, I can finally say that: I am the happiest I have ever been.
Transformation complete? No. True happiness is a constantly evolving and ever changing process. One that requires daily checking in with yourself, navigating through the challenges of life and continuous work to ensure you stay as healthy and happy as possible.
Take a moment to think about a time your past when you were truly happy. Imagine living every day with that same feeling of happiness. This is why I wrote FINDING YOUR HAPPINESS, because everyone deserves to live a happy life.
Take care,
Antony
