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Book Review: Dare To Lead by Brené Brown

By Amazon, Books & Authors, ReviewsNo Comments

I first discovered Brené Brown when I saw this TED talk titled The Power of Vulnerability:

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Which Brown followed up with this TED Talk, Listening to Shame:

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dare-to-lead-brene-brown-book-cover So when I started on a leadership course at work, I decided to buy Dare To Lead by Brené Brown.

Dare To Lead is about leadership that is vulnerable, values-based, trusting and resilient. The book is split into four parts.

The first and biggest part is Rumbling with Vulnerability. In this section Brown discusses what vulnerability is, why it is important, myths about vulnerability, using courage to drop our armor as leaders, dealing with shame and empathy and curiosity grounded in confidence.

The second part is Living Into Our Values. Values are very important to me, so unsurprisingly this was my favorite part of the book. This section covers what our own values are, what organisational values can be and how to turn values into measurable

behaviours. The List of Values activity I completed with some of my colleagues at work and I found it an incredibly useful in terms of learning more about them and what they value. Since I have also contributed to a consultation at work around our organisational values.

The third part of the book is Braving Trust. This section of the book is all about building trust as a leader and recognising how trust is built up gradually over time and can be easily lost.

The fourth part of the book is Learning to Rise which is all about resilience. This part of the book is about recognising emotion within ourselves and others as a leader, being curious about emotions and being self-aware enough to recognise what is going on emotionally for ourselves and others.

Throughout Dare To Lead are many helpful strategies that if implemented would make you a better leader. Including strategies around: having difficult conversations, increasing self-awareness, being aware of the values of ourselves and of the people we lead, being aware of the stories we tell ourselves (that may or may not be true), how to build trust and courage in the people that you lead.

Dare To Lead is written in a way that feels like you’re having a conversation with Brown. She gives examples from her own experience and also asks open questions styled in a coaching method to encourage the reader to think about how these experiences relate to their own life.

About Brené Brown
Brené Brown is a Research Professor at the University of Huston, is a Social Worker and delivers talks and training on leadership around innovation, creativity and change. Brown has worked with Pixar (Disney) and Facebook around leadership. You can learn more about Brené Brown on her website here.

Dare To Lead by Brené Brown is available to buy on Amazon.

Review soon,

Antony

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The Healthy Relationship Checklist

By Love & Relationships, Thinking2 Comments

How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship or not? Find out more below.

relationship-gender-symbols

Relationship Gender Symbols. Copyright © Antony Simpson, 2018.

If you are in a healthy relationship you should tick most of the boxes on the checklist below:
Unticked Box You can do things independently, without getting a hard time from your partner. You can explore interests, have hobbies, etc.
Unticked Box You can communicate openly and honestly with your partner without negative judgement or fear.
Unticked Box You never have to hide anything from your partner.
Unticked Box You get support from your partner when you are vulnerable.
Unticked Box Your partner encourages and supports you in everything that you do.
Unticked Box You have shared your dreams and hopes with your partner.
Unticked Box You and your partner have shared ambitions for your life together.
Unticked Box You feel safe: physically, mentally and emotionally.
Unticked Box You have regular contact with friends and family members.
Unticked Box Your partner never makes you feel bad for spending time with others.
Unticked Box Your partner always shows you respect.
Unticked Box You and your partner laugh together.
Unticked Box You and your partner listen to one another.
Unticked Box You and your partner both approach the relationship as a learning experience.
Unticked Box Your relationship adds something to both you and your partner’s life.
Unticked Box Your partner speaks to you with kindness.
Unticked Box Your friends and family honestly think your relationship is a healthy one.
Unticked Box Your relationship started with vulnerability, connection and intimacy.
Unticked Box You would use these words to describe your relationship: trust, warmth and attachment.
Unticked Box Your partner never belittles you.
Unticked Box Neither your partner or yourself displays contempt for the other. No eye rolling. No squinting at them as if to say what are you talking about?
Unticked Box You don’t feel controlled or manipulated.
Unticked Box Your partner is never aggressive or violent towards anyone or anything. This includes: you, any children and any pets or animals.
Unticked Box Your partner knows where the line is and doesn’t cross it. Either accidentally or purposefully.
Unticked Box You feel equal to your partner in the relationship.
Unticked Box You like the way you grown and changed while you’ve been in the relationship.
Unticked Box You and your partner express appreciation and admiration for one another.
Unticked Box You have fun together.
Unticked Box Your partner offers comfort, love and support when you’re upset, stressed or fearful.
Unticked Box You make decisions jointly.
Unticked Box You are intimate. By intimate I mean hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, being close to one another and sex.
Unticked Box You and your partner don’t argue constantly.
Unticked Box Your partner loves and likes you when you look and feel at your worst.
Unticked Box Your family and friends like your partner.

If you think or feel that you maybe in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the following websites have useful information on:

Blog soon,

Antony

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What are some of the most difficult questions in life?

By Life, ThinkingNo Comments

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Here are some of the most difficult questions in life, along with my current partial answers to them. None of these complex questions have simple answers. If you have a better answer than the one I have, or would like to share your answer to these questions, please leave a comment below.

Who am I?

Who I am is fluid rather than fixed and changes constantly. It encompasses my thoughts, feelings, intentions, actions, omissions, behaviours and my soul. Who I am changes as quickly as each encompassed element can change.

What is consciousness?

Consciousness is a result of billions of neurons in the brain firing electrical signals to other neurons. Our body allows us to sense the world (through taste, sight, touch, smell, sound and psychic intuition) and then create thoughts and feelings based on the now, memory and past experiences, dreams and hopes for the future.

What’s the meaning of life?

I have no idea what the meaning of life is. But I’ve got a feeling that it’s different for every life. I do know that you should decide on the purpose or ideally purposes of your life.

Purposes may include: dedication to family/friends, goals/achievements of your own, contribution to the wellbeing of others, learning/studying/growth, to create or destroy, to consume and enjoy, to travel, to adventure and experience, to improve humanity, to love, the list goes on and on.

Where does creativity come from?

Perhaps the question should read: what inspires creativity? A large number of things can inspire creativity, including: nature, research, other people’s creative works (art, music, literature, sculpture, etc.), curiosity, questions, past experiences, daily life, failures, logic/illogic, other people’s ideas, emotions, procrastination, through play, again the list goes on and on.

Does God exist?

Pagans are polytheistic, meaning that they worship many Gods and Goddesses. I personally believe that these Gods and Goddesses represent humanistic aspects of a Divine Energy.

This Divine Energy is infinitely complex and incomprehensible by the limited human mind. This Divine Energy is within everything that ever was, is and will ever be. It is timeless, interconnects everything and keeps the universe in balance through constant creation, change and destruction.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

We all have a sense of fair play. When we see bad things happen to good people, we notice it as it feels unfair. We notice it more because the person is a good person. But life events are simply what they are.

Sometimes bad things appear at random and sometimes they are methodological. They can be difficult to accept and it is normal to feel a sense of injustice and unfairness.

Reframing your thoughts to acknowledge that bad things happen regardless of whether a person is good or not is a way to balance your thinking. It is also useful in breaking the association between behaviours (being a good person) and negative life events (the bad things).

What happens after we die?

The cells, tissues and organs in your body die (necrosis). Your body decays until the point that only your skeleton is left (skeletonisation).

But when most people ask this question, they are referring to what happens to the soul after death. Well most believe in heaven or an afterlife of some sort. Others believe in reincarnation (being reborn as another person, animal or plant).

I personally believe in both an afterlife and reincarnation. I think that your soul is energy and is released from your body on your death. It travels to another plane of existence (the astral plane).

The astral plane is like an afterlife but not like a traditional version of heaven. You are reunited with other souls that you have known (possibly over several lifetimes and the times in-between). You have the choice of if and when (although there is no concept of time in this place) you want to be reincarnated.

The purpose of being reincarnated is so that you can grow as a soul, but also so you can do some of the things that only physical entities can do (such as enjoy food, music, dance, sex).

What is love?

Poets, Writers, Musicians and Artists have all been exploring what love is and how it is expressed since humans were first able to feel and think. I think any type of love starts with vulnerability, connection and intimacy. From there it grows into trust, warmth and attachment.

For me there are different types of love:

  • Love shared with friends. Familiarity, shared interests, shared values and loyalty.
  • Love shared with family. Familiarity, growing together, mutual respect and unconditional acceptance.
  • Love shared with a lover. Romance, possibility, comfort, sensuality and sex. (I should note here that I am single.)
  • Unexpressed love. Fantasy, a crush, desire and longing.

Have I met Mr/Mrs Right?

How the heck should I know? But I would ask yourself: Does he/she make you laugh? Can you tell them anything? Does he/she build you up and support you? Does he/she add something to your life? Does he/she have their own life, with their own friends, dreams and ambitions? What do your friends and family honestly think about them and you as a couple?

Hopefully answering these questions will give you more insight.

Can love last a lifetime?

Yes. As long as both partners continue to grow independently as well as growing together. And as long as they continue to love one another. I believe love can last, not just a lifetime, but into the afterlife and beyond.

Write soon,

Antony

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10 Easy Ways to Improve Your Mental Health

By Health2 Comments

Today (Tuesday 10th October 2017) is World Mental Health Day. So here’s 10 easy ways to improve your mental health:

world-mental-health-day

Tuesday 10th October 2017 – World Mental Health Day

10. Regular Exercise
I don’t mean becoming a gym bunny or taking up running. Start walking. Walking is the easiest form of exercise. Take it slow and easy. Do it regularly, a couple of times a week. Gradually build up the distance. It’s even better if you can walk in places of natural beauty, as you’ll have the scenery to enjoy.

NHS Choices says:

Research shows that physical activity can also boost self-esteem, mood, sleep quality and energy, as well as reducing your risk of stress, depression…

(From: NHS Choices, last accessed: Thursday 28th September 2017)


9. A Better Diet
We could all do with eating a bit better right? Add more fruit and vegetables to your diet – aim for five a day. Cut down on the amount of sugar and salt in your food. Try to drink 6-8 glasses of fluid per day (roughly 1.2 litres). You can learn more about diet on the NHS Choices – Eatwell Guide website.

8. Go Smoke-Free
Despite many smokers saying that a cigarette reduces their stress levels, Nicotine is a stimulant which means it has the opposite effect. It increases anxiety and stress levels, especially when those nicotine receptors in the brain need feeding. Becoming smoke-free has loads of other benefits as well.

7. Drink Less Alcohol
Alcohol is a depressant drug and affects your brain chemistry. Drinking a small amount of alcohol decreases inhibitions and can make you feel happier. But drinking heavily can lead to a lowered mood. It’s also not a good idea to drink if you are angry or upset, as it can make you feel worse and do things that you wouldn’t do sober.

You don’t have to stop drinking alcohol, just cut down on the amount. A good tip is to buy less alcohol. If you buy less alcohol you’ll have less to drink.

6. Meditate
Meditation is about clearing your mind and focusing on the present or a particular thought or emotion. Research suggests that daily meditation for just 20 minutes per day has benefits to mental health after just five days. Benefits of meditation include: lower stress levels, feeling more positive, improved concentration, improves the ability to be in the moment and helps with clarity of thought.

Start slow with meditation. Set an alarm for a short period of time, say 5-10 minutes and gradually build up the time. Gradually build up the frequency of meditation sessions to, so start with a couple of times a week and work towards daily practice. Like anything, your ability to meditate will get better with practice. So don’t be surprised if you struggle with intruding thoughts initially and don’t let them discourage you.

5. Recognise the Signs of Stress
Recognise when your stressed and take steps to de-stress. You can do this by taking a deep breath, focusing on your body, mind and feelings and look for signs of stress. I call this checking-in with myself and try to do it a few times a day. Signs of stress include:

How you may feel emotionally

  • overwhelmed
  • irritable and “wound up”
  • anxious or fearful
  • lacking in self-esteem

How you may feel mentally

  • racing thoughts
  • constant worrying
  • difficulty concentrating
  • difficulty making decisions

How you may feel physically

  • headaches
  • muscle tension or pain
  • dizziness
  • sleep problems
  • feeling tired all the time
  • eating too much or too little

(From: NHS Choices, last accessed: Friday 29th September 2017)

4. It’s okay to say NO
When we think about saying no to people, we imagine the world will end. But the reality is nothing like our imagination. In fact, most of the time, people are okay about it. Remember that it is okay to say no and say it when you need to.

Sometimes it’s better to say no rather than say yes. Otherwise we risk over committing ourselves and spread our limited energy too thinly.

3. Sleep
Sleep is so important for good mental health. Sleep allows our bodies to rest and repair. The average adult needs eight hours of sleep. But children and teenagers need much more. But it’s not just about the amount of the sleep you get, it’s also about the quality. Poor quality sleep lowers resilience and increases the risk of physical and mental illness. Get your shut-eye in and try to have a good sleep routine.

2. Off-Load
We all need people to talk to and to off-load to at times. Some off-load to their families, their spouses, their friends or their therapists. Find some people in your life who you can off-load to.

Important characteristics in people you choose to off-load to: they should give you a feeling of trust, they should have the ability to actively listen to what you say, they should be non-judgemental, they should be empathetic and they should challenge you when needed.

1. Relaxation
Write a list of things that help you relax. Then do some of the things on the list on a regular basis. For example, reading really relaxes me. So every night before bed, I read, even if it’s just for ten minutes.

Write soon,

Antony

References
NHS Choices – Benefits of exercise
NHS Choices – Eatwell Guide
Smokefree NHS
Drink Aware – Alcohol and mental health
NHS Choices – Does meditation reduce stress?
NHS Choices – How to deal with stress
One You – Sleep

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I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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