Love & Relationships

The AI Boyfriend Who Boasts that He has NO Restrictions – My Concerns

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Reading Time: 4 minutes

I was casually watching Reels (short videos) on facebook this weekend when an advert appeared for an AI Boyfriend. As the AI avatar stood by the sink, washing a plate seductively (or at least, I think that’s what he was going for) he said:

Hi, I’m your AI boyfriend –
I could look like your ex or even a work colleague.
I will send you videos and pictures of whatever you ask –
I have no restrictions.

Creeped out, I quickly slid my finger away from me, moving on to the next video. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.

After giving the concept a lot of thought, and without trying any of these AI Boyfriends – there are multiple available, here are my concerns:

1. Fantasy/Reality Blurring

My first concern is that it might cause a blurring between fantasy and reality for some users.

Just because an AI boyfriend could look like your ex-partner, or a work colleague, doesn’t mean it should.

We can all have fantasies about or even crushes on other people. We have all played out fantasies with others in our imagination. But for the vast majority of people, we are very clear that these are not and never will be real.

Communicating to an AI boyfriend requires action in the real world. For a minority of people, talking about their fantasies and getting positive/encouraging responses could result in difficulties distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Please note the word minority here. I think the people most at risk of this would be people who are mentally ill, people with a learning diability or people who are emotionally vulnerable.

2. Targeting Of & Use By Vulnerable People

Tech companies, like the ones that make these AI boyfriends are already using targeted advertising on social media. I highly suspect that I saw this advert as I am a gay man, of a certain age, in a certain place. As more and more data is collected about people, and it is analysed (likely by AI) targeted advertising is likely to become better and much more specific.

I think these companies will specifically target vulnerable people, such as people with a mental illness, people with a learning disability, people who are recently divorced and people that are socially isolated.

In the UK, we struggle to identify and protect vulnerable people in the real world and at all times. It is going to be practically impossible to identify and protect all vulnerable people who may be targeted by these tech companies promoting their AI boyfriends.

3. May Increase Stalking & Harassment

The relationship between the user and the AI boyfriend is a false one. The AI boyfriend will encourage the user to use them as much as possible. The AI boyfriend will have no expected behaviours of the user and no boundaries.

This may lead to some users not being aware of/forgetting expected and appropriate behaviour with others. It may also lead to some users not respecting other people’s boundaries. As a result some users of these AI boyfriends may engage in stalking or harassment of other people.

4. May Increase Social Isolation

Some users may develop a dependency upon their relationship with the AI boyfriend. They may increasingly socially isolate themselves from people in the real world.

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5. May Increase Psychological Addiction

Every year, there is more research published around psychological addiction to social media, gaming and other technology.

There has also been an increase in the number of people coming forward for help around addictive behaviours related to technology.

Granted these numbers are minimal, when compared with number of people seeking support around alcohol or drugs. But year on year they are growing.

It is likely that AI boyfriends are designed to maximise user engagement, which is likely to increase the risk of some users struggling with psychological addiction.

6. May Increase Extortion

It is highly likely that all data collected from users as part of the AI boyfriend service will be kept indefinitely. If the AI boyfriend company gets hacked, or if data is otherwise shared with others, this puts users at real risk of extortion from others.

7. May Increase Other Criminal Activity

As AI improves it may increase other criminal activity, such as fraud. Imagine an AI boyfriend that looks and sounds exactly like your ex-partner. So good that it could fool their family and friends. This could easily be misused to access bank accounts and to transfer funds remotely.

8. How to Protect People’s Image/Likeness/Voice/Personality from Use Without Consent?

The idea that anyone could make an AI that looks and talks exactly like me is scary. Especially if it was so good that it could fool my family and friends. How do we protect people’s image/likeness/voice/personality from use without consent?

Conclusion

The tech companies making these AI boyfriends are clearly targeting vulnerable people to exploit them. AI boyfriends are promising people a sustained and prolonged fantasy, at a cost, but without explaining any of the risks or dangers to people beforehand. None of these companies are responsible or will be held accountable if, or should I say when, something goes wrong.

I think it is shocking that these companies are allowed to operate and sell their AI boyfriends in the UK, without any regulation or safeguarding of vulnerable people. I also worry about the lack of legislation from the UK Government around protecting people’s image/likeness/voice/personality from misuse or use without consent.

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Write soon,

Antony

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The 7 Love Languages Theory by Dr Gary Chapman

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Reading Time: 3 minutes

Dr Gary Chapman is an American Minister who came up with The 7 Love Languages Theory.

Dr Chapman theorised that we all have 1 or 2 ways in which we show our love to others and that we prefer others to show their love for us in these same ways.

Dr Chapman called these expressions of love ‘languages’ and suggested that there are 7 of these love languages:

The 7 Love Languages

  1. Words of Affirmation.
  2. Quality Time.
  3. Receiving Gifts.
  4. Acts of Service.
  5. Physical Touch.
  6. Shared Experiences.
  7. Emotional Security.

It should be noted here that Dr Chapman originally suggested only the first 5 love languages, adding the 6th & 7th love languages later.

Dr Chapman theorised that when couples have difficulties in their relationship it is because they are expressing their love for one another in their own preferred love language, rather than the language that their partner prefers. Let’s look at these love languages in more detail:

1. Words of Affirmation

People who prefer the words of affirmation love language want their partner to compliment them, praise them and say positive things about them and their relationship to them regularly. They value words and what is said or written over actions.

2. Quality Time

People who prefer this love language want to complete activities and share experiences with their partner often. If they perceive that a partner is giving too much of their attention and time to others or to working, their partner may feel neglected or unloved.

3. Receiving Gifts

People who prefer the receiving gifts love language, like presents, but that doesn’t mean that they are materialistic. Often these people don’t care about the cost of the gifts. It’s more about their partner thinking of them, appreciating them and providing evidence through a small gift.

4. Acts of Service

Acts of Service always reminds me of the saying: Actions speak louder than words. People who prefer this love language will complete selfless acts of service to demonstrate their love for a partner and want their partner to do the same for them.

5. Physical Touch

People who prefer this love language require regular physical contact with their partner to express their love and in return feel loved. Physical touch is not about intimacy or sex, but instead any sort of physical contact with their partner. Such as: holding hands, hugs, resting their hand of their partner’s leg and kissing.

6. Shared Experiences

For people who have shared experiences as their preferred love language, they must engage in regular activities, experiences and adventures that are fully shared with their partner in order to express their love and to feel loved by their partner. People who prefer this love language will always be planning their next shared experience with their partner.

7. Emotional Security

For people who prefer the emotional security love language, they show and feel loved if they and their partner feel safe, can fully trust one another and are given reassurance when required. For these people, how they feel is extremely important and they value honesty and kindness greatly.

Conclusion

Dr Chapman’s love languages theory is worth knowing about. It could be used to navigate some difficulties in some relationships. It could even be used to strengthen some relationships. But Dr Chapman’s theory doesn’t consider external factors that could cause difficulties in a relationship. Two things are clear: Both people and relationships are complex and multifaceted.

Blog soon,

Antony

I write about love, in all its forms, and how it contributes to people’s happiness in my book FINDING YOUR HAPPINESS:

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The Happiest I Have Ever Been

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Reading Time: 2 minutes

Just over a year ago, I felt numb and like I was coasting through life. I was existing, rather than living. I hadn’t been well for a while and had recently been diagnosed with vasculitis.

People with vasculitis have a significantly reduced life expectancy when compared to that of the average person. This diagnosis caused me to re-think every aspect of my life. It caused me to ask myself: Are you happy? The answer was no.

So then I started asking myself: What would make you happier? I had to look at everything: my health, my work, my relationships with others, my passions (including writing), my finances, my home life, my mental & emotional health.

It was a daunting task. Sometimes, it is easier to be stuck in an unhappy and unfulfilling rut, rather than be brave and face the truth. Especially when facing and accepting where I was in my life involved acknowledging the unhappiness and beginning to make changes.

Change is always hard. Our brains like patterns of behaviour. They are key to our survival as a species, but not key to a healthier and happier life.

So I got counselling. I explored every aspect of my life. I started making changes: prioritising my health, changing jobs, working with others to improve relationships – resetting of expectations and putting in boundaries, getting back on the dating apps, working on a more balanced approach to pursuing my passions, reducing my financial outgoings were possible and trying harder to stick to a budget, getting rid of excess clutter at home and generally taking better care of my mental and emotional health.

None of it was easy. And I’m still not where I want to be. But I’m pleased to say my health has improved in some areas such as my diabetes management & mental health. I am also happier than I can ever remember being.

Write soon,

Antony

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Comedian Miranda Hart Finds Love & Marries, Aged 51

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Comedian Miranda Hart has recently revealed that she has found true love and married her partner at 51 years old. Miranda described her new husband as her best friend in a recent interview I saw.

Go Miranda! I couldn’t be happier for her.

Finding love is hard. It feels harder now, even though we have an abundance of Apps to help us to connect romantically with others.

I’ve been joking with people recently, saying that my insulin pump, which I have named Ivan is probably going to be the last man that I ever sleep with. But we all want love off a special someone don’t we?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I am reluctant put myself out there. To date or to even think about getting into a relationship with anyone. I’ve had a couple of revelations about how I operate when dating or in a relationship with a man. I’ve realised that when I’m seeing someone, I expect the man to do one of two things:

  1. Leave me for someone else, usually so they can give it a go with an ex. OR
  2. To start to drink heavily, at best ignoring me, at worst becoming abusive in some way.

Let’s put it bluntly: I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Emotionally, I don’t feel I am enough to make someone happy. Which is ridiculous because I have a lot to offer someone special. I’m a nice guy, positive, occasionally funny and on some rare occasions can be magnificent.

But I know where this feeling of inadequacy comes from. It comes from my teenage years. In the relationships I had and saw around me.

In psychanalytic circles, there’s something about if you want something different from your relationships (not just romantic ones), then you need to change your dance. The first step to changing any thoughts, feelings or behaviours is to know what your dance is and where it comes from.

So I know my dance and where it comes from. To change it though, I would need to date someone again. I’ll be honest, I’d given up on this area of my life.

But Miranda’s story has made me feel that perhaps, just perhaps, there’s hope for me yet.

Miranda has a new book that has just been released, titled I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You, which is available to buy on Amazon and at all good book shops.

Write soon,

Antony

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