Skip to main content
Tag

pain

Life Hiatus – My Mental Health In-Patient Admission and Diagnosis of a ‘Mood Disorder’

By Friends & Family, Happiness & Joy, Health, Life, Money / Finances, Shopping, Thinking2 Comments
mental-health-admission-nameband

My Nameband.

Recently, I had to take an unexpected what-I-call Life Hiatus. My mental health had gradually deteriorated to the point were I was having severe and erratic mood swings. Everyone’s mood fluctuates throughout the day, but not to the extremes I was experiencing.

People talk about good and bad days with depression. I was having good, bad, okay or mixed mood states lasting between 45 minutes to 4-6 hours. These mood swings were unpredictable with no pattern. They didn’t have triggers and were not related to a critical inner voice.

These mood swings were torturous. See My Mood Swing Table below for details of what these mood swings were like.

I felt desperate for the mood swings to end. To the point of having suicidal ideation and a clear plan of action.

I had thought that I was objective about my mental health. But because the mood swings had gradually got worse I hadn’t realised how unwell I was. I sought help because three people close to me said that I wasn’t well. Luckily I had these people around me and knew that could trust them, even if I couldn’t trust myself.

So I went to my local A&E. I was assessed by a Mental Health Nurse and together we decided that I needed admission. I stayed on the A&E Ward overnight, whilst I waited for an available bed on a mental health ward.

The next evening, I was transferred to a mental health ward. On arrival at the ward, my possessions were searched and Nursing Staff took my shoe laces, belt, hoodie (due to cord in hood), phone charger, lighters and medication. The ward layout was a square shaped main corridor with dormitories, individual rooms and many other rooms that where behind locked doors.

The first night was frightening. Everything about the place was frightening. The environment. The locked doors. The routine. The rules I hadn’t been told. The other patients. The staff. I even found my own mood swings frightening. At one point, I was physically shaking uncontrollably due to the fear and anxiety.

I was assessed by a Psychiatrist and commenced on 10 minute observations. It would be a few days before I was reviewed. At the time, I couldn’t understand why they appeared to be doing very little to help me and my state of mind. But afterwards, I realised that they had wanted to observe me and see my mood swings for themselves.

The Consultant Psychiatrist diagnosed me with a ‘Mood Disorder.’ Here is a definition of a ‘mood disorder:’

mood disorder
noun
a psychological disorder characterized by the elevation or lowering of a person’s mood, such as depression or bipolar disorder.

(From: Google, Last Accessed: Friday 27th November 2015.)

The Consultant Psychiatrist informed me that they were reluctant to give a more specific diagnosis on the first admission to a mental health ward. I told the Consultant Psychiatrist that I didn’t care what they called it, as long as they gave me some medication that worked. I explained that with some stability in mood, I could make further psychological and behavioural changes to help myself to get well and stay well.

I was started on Quetiapine, an antipsychotic and mood stabiliser medication. It was to help to take the edge off my mood swings and give me some stability of mood. I was also started on Mirtazapine, an antidepressant. This was to help to manage the depression/low moods.

Overall, I was an in-patient on the mental health ward for about 12 days. During this time, my Mum and good friend Steve were superb. They took over all my responsibilities and made sure that everything in the outside world was sorted, meaning that I didn’t have to worry about anything – apart from getting better.

I will never be able to thank Mum and Steve enough for what they have done for me, but I have repeatedly thanked them anyway. I will never be able to explain how much I appreciate them for everything that they have done for me, but I have tried to explain anyway.

I feel that I got to this crisis point because I waited so long to get referred to and assessed by Community Mental Health Services. It feels like Community Mental Health Services are designed to keep people out, rather than let people in to get the help and support that they need and in most cases are asking for. This is probably because of a lack of resources in mental health services. But this really doesn’t help and support people with mental health problems to get and stay well.

I have been discharged from the hospital and am and engaged with Community Mental Health Services. Recovery will be a slow and progressive one. I am taking the medication as prescribed, attending appointments with community services and setting myself daily goals that I am currently achieving.

Write soon,

Antony

My Mood Swing Table
Highs
Okays
Lows
Mixed Mood States
Physical Symptoms
  • High energy levels.
  • Very productive.
  • Difficulty in getting/staying asleep.
  • Head aches.
  • Speaking Quickly.
  • Hypersexualised.
  • Relatively symptom free. Considering the extreme High and Low physical symptoms.
  • Exhaustion – despite sleeping for many, many hours.
  • Back pain and stomach pain that doesn’t resolve with appropriate treatments.
  • Head aches.
  • Constipation.
  • Physical anxiety symptoms: raised pulse and blood pressure.
  • A mix of high, low and okay physical symptoms to varying degrees of severity.
Mental / Cognitive Symptoms
  • Racing thoughts – lots of ideas, but struggling to focus on one for long enough.
  • Difficulty in concentrating.
  • A rush of ideas for creative projects.
  • Saying whatever I think without considering the implications of what I’m saying.
  • Grandiose thinking – Thinking I can do anything to a level beyond the level of an expert.
  • Thinking that I understand things on a much deeper level than everyone else.
  • Short-term memory loss.
  • Insomnia and night terrors.
  • Slower mental and cognitive functioning, compared to when I was well.
  • Limited/no concentration span.
  • Short-term memory loss.
  • Critical inner voice.
  • Thoughts about what other people negatively think about me.
  • Insomnia and night terrors.
  • Concern about loosing my mind.
  • A mix of high, low and okay mental / cognitive symptoms to varying degrees of severity.
  • Concern about loosing my mind.
  • Concern about what mood would come next and its severity.
Emotional Symptoms
  • Excessively joyful with no reason for this state of mood.
  • Super confident. Loads of self-esteem.
  • Excessively excited again without reason.
  • Feeling like I can do anything.
  • Feeling frustrated or irritable without a reason.
  • Varying levels of anxiety, from worried to outright panic.
  • Void of any emotion.
  • Zombified. Feeling like what I imagine a zombie feels like.
  • Going through the motions.
  • Despair and hopelessness.
  • No confidence and rockbottom self-esteem.
  • Feeling frustrated or irritable without a reason.
  • Feeling like I am falling down a dark bottomless pit.
  • Feeling guilt, inadequacy and feeling like a failure.
  • Varying levels of anxiety, from worried to outright panic.
  • Desperation – wanting the mental and emotional anguish to end.
  • Feeling like my mind, body and soul are being devoured and destroyed.
  • A mix of high, low and okay emotional symptoms to varying degrees of severity.
Behavioural Examples
  • Being super productive.
  • Being overtly social.
  • Take on too many commitments, thinking that I can do everything.
  • Impulsive behaviours – including excessive shopping, even when I don’t have the money.
  • Unfinished tasks – sometimes being unable to focus for long enough on tasks to complete them.
  • Able to function, but only just.
  • Loss of interest in leisure activities.
  • Unable to watch TV, read or do other leisure activities.
  • Overeating or forcing myself to eat despite having no appetite.
  • Poor personal hygiene.
  • No motivation.
  • Reckless spending of money – mostly through online shopping.
  • Social anxiety – isolating myself and avoiding social situations.
  • A mix of high, low and okay behaviours to varying degrees of severity.

mental-health-wisdom-banner



I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


Share on Social Media:

TheGayUK Articles: An Interview with a Drag Queen, Hope for a HIV Vaccine, HIV Campaign: ‘It Starts With Me’, The Pride Survival Kit & Book Review

By Books & Authors, Creativity, Gay, Health, JournalismNo Comments

TheGayUK‘s theme this month is Pride. The articles I’ve written this month are: An Interview with a Drag Queen, Hope for a HIV Vaccine, HIV Campaign: ‘It Starts With Me’, The Pride Survival Kit and this month’s Book Review. Some of these articles have been submitted, but not yet published – so here’s your chance to read first.

An Interview with a Drag Queen

Wayne Wright Miss Levi Benidorm Wayne Wright (left) is Benidorm’s longest serving British Drag Queen, better known as Miss Levi. I got the opportunity for a chinwag with Wayne about how Miss Levi was born, what she’s like, what she’s up to and her future.

For those of you who’ve never seen Miss Levi’s show, it features elegant dancing, good lip-syncing, a dazzling array of costumes and laugh-out-loud comedy. People who’ve seen the show describe is as a highlight in their holiday. He definitely leaves his audience wanting more, as many return to see his show again, year after year.

Let’s start with the most important question of all: How did you end up working a frock for a living?

Miss Levi Benidorm Well…I was a Red Coat and I used to do the comparing. I was playing Jack in Jack and the Bean Stalk, and one night after the show the boss came back stage and said:
‘Wayne, you have to compare tonight in Stardust.’
I said: ‘I can’t it’s ladies night.’
He said: ‘I know. You’re wearing this.” And handed me a cushy velvet dress, a stupid big red wig and some shoes that were three sizes too small and that was the start of Miss Levi.

Was this when Miss Levi was born?
Yeah…I suppose it was. It went down very well so they asked me to do it every week. Well they didn’t ask you when you were a Red Coat they told ya.

So you were forced into it? Against your will?
Wayne laughs before explaining:
When you were a Red Coat in those days you didn’t question it. There were twelve Red Coat staff and five thousand people who wanted to be them. It was like having the winning lottery ticket.

How did you come up with the name Levi?
My great granddad’s name was Thomas Levi Griffin. I thought Levi’s universal; it’s male and female.

Miss Levi Benidorm How would you describe Miss Levi to somebody that’s never met her?
Levi’s down to earth, up for fun, very proud of her roots and a bit of a flirt.

OK she’s a tart… Wayne laughs, before asking: Isn’t she?

Then Wayne adds:
Someone once said to me: she’s wittier than Simon Cowell and sharper than Judge Judy.

How did you and Miss. Levi end up in Benidorm?
Well…I did it as a Red Coat and then I became Levi The One Man Show, warming up for the big acts. Then I got offered major work by this big agent in Bradford, but needless to say I never got an ounce of work. All false promises but I was young and naive.

So I ended up working in a nursing home in Bradford with a woman called Philly. I reported this Nurse abusing patients and a lot of the workforce wouldn’t speak to me. I didn’t care as I did the right thing. Philly still did and she said to me:
‘Oh Levi, Wayne, get to Benidorm. There’s people like you there, you’ll have a better life there.’

So one day, I walked out of my job, booked a ticket and here I am.

When you’re getting ready for a show, at what point do you transform and become Miss Levi?
Only when I hit the stage, Wayne answers instantly before adding: Never before. Never after. She comes to life literally on stage that night.

Do you ever worry that she’s not going to turn up or that the transformation won’t happen?
Oh no… she’s a professional. She’s old school, she’ll always turn up.

I don’t ever even think about the show until I’m on stage, because when you’re doing live comedy, you’ve got to go with the room. The secret to good comedy is to turn it around. Make a beautiful person ugly, and an ugly person beautiful.

Where do you get Miss Levi’s costumes?
I make a lot and then buy a lot in Thailand.

How long does it take you to make a dress?
Oh…weeks and weeks and weeks. If I wasn’t working it would probably take me about a week to make one dress.

Where can people come and see Miss Levi?
At the Showboat, the show stars at 10:30PM; Wayne says before becoming animated talking about the Showboat:

Miss Levi Benidorm We’ve got everything at the Showboat. Downstairs we’ve got two restaurants, a big terrace (for sitting outside and enjoying the sun), take away food and a cabaret room that seats two hundred and eighty three people. You can come and have a meal with a show, then there’s disco and karaoke afterwards.

Upstairs in the top bar we’ve got a pool table, a dartboard, big screen televisions and even a Jacuzzi! The Showboat can also be booked for private parties like gay weddings, straight weddings, birthdays.

What’s Benidorm got to offer visitors?
Benidorm’s absolutely wonderful, there’s something for everybody. You’ve got your gay section, your straight section – which a lot of the gays go to. Gay people don’t have to go to gay bars in Benidorm, they can go anywhere.

There’s so much entertainment, Wayne says before counting on his fingers: you’ve got beaches, British restaurants, French restaurants, Italian restaurants. You’ve got fast food, bingo halls, you’ve got everything in Benidorm. It’s cheap too.

Well it’s free entertainment, wherever you go. There are no door charges. It’s the cheapest lager in Europe, Wayne adds.

What’s the future for Miss Levi?
Erm…to keep going. I have no plans to retire.

What do you think will happen in Benidorm in the future?
It’s going from strength to strength at the moment. It’s just hours away from the UK and it’s so cheap, you can get a breakfast for two euro. So I think it will continue to do well with the Brits.

Go to top of post or Journalism page.

Here is what I learnt from writing this article:

  • The format of an interview article.
  • How to use Vod Burner (available on both Mac & Windows) to record Skype calls (both video and audio), meaning I didn’t have to write copious amounts of notes.
  • That the important thing for the writer is interesting and open questions.
  • That the interviewee does most of the work for you, very little imagination needed to write up an interview.
  • That editors occasionally change their mind. This was due to be published this month under the theme of Pride & Drag. But the Drag element has been dropped and instead will be published in August.

NEWS: Hope for a HIV Vaccine

Image Credit: 2edeveloperteam @ flickr

(Image Credit: 2edeveloperteam @ flickr)

The International Aids Vaccine Initiative (IAVI) announced last week that they are starting a clinical trial for a HIV vaccine, based in London and two centres in Africa.

Laboratories in London – UK, Kigali – Rwanda and Nairobi – Kenya will recruit 64 healthy HIV-free adults for phase one of the trial that is expected to last for two years. Volunteers will receive two vaccines and not be at risk of catching HIV.

HIV affects 34 million people worldwide, of which there are 96,000-100,000 in the UK. HIV is found in bodily fluids and people are usually infected by: unprotected sex with someone who is HIV positive, reusing injecting equipment that has been used by someone who is HIV positive or transmission from mother to baby.

HIV attacks the immune system in the affected individual, weakening the body’s ability to fight other infections and diseases. You can find out more about HIV on the NHS Choices Website. Over the last few decades there have been massive advances in treatment; that have focused around slowing down the damage HIV causes to the immune system.

IAVI have admitted that the clinical trials are in their early stages. Clinical trials usually take at least 10 years and usually cost billions of pounds. There are many on-going research projects focused on trying to create a HIV vaccine. So it’s likely that there wont be an effective HIV vaccination for at least a decade.

Jason Warriner, Clinical Director at Terrence Higgins Trust, when asked about IVAI’s clinical trial said:
‘We welcome investment in the search for a vaccine against HIV. This research is in its very earliest stages. Clinical trials take several years to complete and, even if the vaccine passes this first stage of tests, more research will be needed over the course of many years.’

‘Although an HIV vaccine has so far remained stubbornly out of reach, we now understand how to prevent transmission better than ever before. A combination of widespread condom use, regular testing for HIV, and getting those with the virus onto the right treatment, could drastically reduce HIV within a generation.’

A HIV vaccine would protect people from catching HIV and would most likely be administered to those in high risk groups including gay men. The ability to prevent people from catching HIV would be a significant step forward in the fight against HIV; as it would stem the number of people becoming infected.

For those that are already HIV positive, the vaccine will not be a cure. It is likely that they will have to continue with their treatment. However people who are HIV positive should take hope from the fact that there’s a number of on-going research projects looking into potential cures for HIV, and ways to reverse some of the damage HIV causes to the immune system.

While we wait for a HIV vaccine, health professionals continue to recommend that gay people use condoms when having sex and that they are regularly tested for HIV at least once a year.

Go to top of post or Journalism page.

Here is what I learnt from writing this article:

  • Formatting of a news article.
  • Writing to a tight deadline.
  • Creating my own angle, especially when the topic’s been written about before in other press outlets.

HIV Campaign: ‘It Starts With Me’

Health Protection Agency has given two years of funding to the Terrence Higgins Trust to deliver the ‘It Starts With Me’ HIV Campaign. This campaign focuses on three aspects: Test, Treat and Protect.


'It Starts With Me' HIV Campaign Image

Did you know that 8 out of 10 gay men get HIV from a man that doesn’t know that he’s got it? Or that 100,000 people in the UK have HIV but don’t know it? If these aren’t good enough reasons to encourage you to get a HIV test here are some more: regular testing gives you piece of mind, it’s free, confidential and convenient.

You can arrange an appointment at your local sexual health clinic or even do a test through a postal kit. Jake Simpson recently reviewed the home testing kit. ‘It Starts With Me’ campaign even has a ‘Do I need an HIV test?’ Questionnaire, answer five quick and easy questions to establish if you need a HIV test. Earlier testing helps get quicker access to treatment for those that are HIV positive.

A better understanding of HIV has led to treatment that gives a HIV positive person a feeling of better health and a longer life. According to ‘It Starts With Me,’ earlier treatment can extend your life expectancy by about 10 years; equally delaying testing and starting treatment can cost you 10 years of your life.

The Campaign video (below) says that treatment stop the spread of HIV by reducing amount of HIV in a HIV positive person’s blood stream to an ‘undectable level’ meaning that they are unlikely to pass on HIV. Watch the video here:

Click here to display content from YouTube.
Learn more in YouTube’s privacy policy.

The Department for Health, Terrence Higgins Trust and all other sexual health organisations recommend the use of condoms when having sex. Condoms are the best way to Protect against HIV, especially when 8 out of 10 gay men get HIV from a man who doesn’t know that he’s got it.

Gay men 25-29 years old are most likely to test HIV positive, but HIV doesn’t discriminate on age, gender, race, sexuality or for any other reason. If you’re worried about HIV you can speak to your GP, local sexual health clinic, or call Terrence Higgins Trust on 0808 802 1221. If you’ve got a sexual health question, visit TheGayUK sexual health section: http://www.sexualhealth.thegayuk.com/.

If you’ve recently been diagnosed HIV positive, the forums on: http://www.myhiv.org.uk/ are said to be helpful along with Terrence Higgins Trust Website. There are also several bloggers who share their experience living with HIV; here are just a few of them:

Alex: HIV & Me
Website: http://alexsparrowhawk.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/birdy_tweet

HIVing The Dream
Website: http://hivingthedream.wordpress.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/HIVingTheDream

HIVPozGuy
Website: http://hivpozguy.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/hivpozguy

UKPositiveLad
Website: http://www.ukpositivelad.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/UKPositiveLad

Remember to get tested regularly, if you’re HIV positive to get treatment and always protect yourself using condoms when having sex. Together we can and will stop the spread of HIV.

Go to top of post or Journalism page.

Here is what I learnt from writing this article:

  • That HIV treatment can reduce the amount of HIV in a HIV positive person’s blood stream to an ‘undectable level’ meaning that the spread of HIV can be stopped.
  • Sources of support for a person with HIV.
  • Discovery of several HIV blogs (added to my sidebar under ‘Blogs of Interest’).

The Pride Survival Kit

pride-bag-image

(Image Credit: Edjamacated Guy @ Flickr)

Pride season is upon us once again. Here’s a list of 13 essential items to help you to have a safe and enjoyable pride.

Pop these items in your man-bag and call it: The Pride Survival Kit.

1. Pride Map / Guide – Most offer Pride organisers offer a Pride map and guide, whether it be printed when you buy tickets or on their website online. Pop a copy in your Survival Kit and you’ll never be lost in the world of Pride or miss any of the big events.

2. Mobile / Smart Phone – These are great to keep in contact with your friends, partner or significant others at Pride. But should something go horribly wrong, in an emergency you can dial 999 and ask for the Police, an Ambulance or Fire and Rescue Services to attend.

3. Emergency Mobile / Smart Phone Charger – Your mobile’s no good if the battery has gone flat, so carry an Emergency Mobile Phone Charger. There are a variety of these devices on the market and they all have different features, such as: solar panel charging, disposable – one use only, super fast charging, etc.

4. A 24-Hour Supply of Any Medication You Take – Your transport home might be delayed or you might not get home at all. Take a 24-hour supply of any medication you take, so that you don’t miss a dose.

If you’re planning to have a drink of the alcoholic variety, check beforehand that it’s OK to mix your medication with alcohol. If you’re unsure speak to your GP or prescribing health care professional who will be able to tell you.

5. Painkillers – There’s nothing worse than being in pain to spoil your Pride mood. Take some painkillers and avoid being the member of the group who’s not in the mood because of pain.

6. Emergency Money – It’s always good to be prepared for the unexpected. Emergency money will cover costs because of an unexpected event at Pride. How much emergency money you put to one side is up to you and depends up on your circumstances.

7. Sun Protection Lotion – In the UK we have ever-changing weather; it can be pouring down with rain one minute and the next the sun is cracking flags. Taking sun protection will stop you burning and protect against potential UV damage when the sun comes out at Pride.

8. Condoms & Lube – At Pride you may meet someone and hook up with them. Whether or not you’re planning to hook up, take condoms and lube. Then if something happens you wont have to worry about the unprotected sex the morning after.

Some pubs and clubs do provide safer sex packs, but don’t rely on these. The pub may have stopped providing them since the last time you were there, or there may have been a rush and are out of stock.

Condoms & lube are provided free at your local sexual health clinic. If you are worried because you’ve had unprotected sex, the sexual health clinic can also undertake testing and offer support. For more information visit The Gay UK Sexual Health Site.

9. Bottle of Water – Staying well hydrated will protect against sunstroke (along with sun protection lotion) and will also lessen or prevent alcohol-related hangovers.

10. Safety Clips & A Spare Pair of Pants – If you’re in the Pride Parade safety clips are essential, as costumes don’t always stay together. Even if you’re not taking part in the Pride Parade safety clips are still useful to have.

We’ve all had wardrobe malfunctions at the most inconvenient of times and a safety clip or a spare pair of pants can prevent that ground-open-up-and-swallow-me-now moment.

11. Alcohol Hand Rub – Toilets, especially outdoor ones soon become unclean. Alcohol hand rub used after a visit to the toilet will keep your hands hygienic.

12. Lollipops / Sweets / Other Snacks – Keeping your sugar-levels up with lollipops, sweets and other snacks will provide your body with plenty of energy. This will mean that you can enjoy Pride to the fullest.

13. Ear Plugs – These are great if the music gets too much. They also prevent your ears from ringing or buzzing the day after Pride.

Pride is a celebratory event where we come together to celebrate our sexuality as part of who we are. Gay people throw a great party, but there’s always a potential for things to go wrong. The Pride Survival Kit if carried in full or part is likely to reduce the risk of something going wrong for you. We hope that you have a safe and truly fantastic Pride.

Go to top of post or Journalism page.

Here is what I learnt from writing this article:

  • Being relaxed let’s my brain be creative and come up with ideas. The idea for this article popped into my head as I was about to step in the bath.
  • I need to allow more time to be relaxed to let my creativity flow.
  • It’s good to share an idea with others and to get listen to their suggestions. I shared my initial list of survival items with some of the other TheGayUK writers and they came back with items to add to my list. Without doubt, their suggestions have enhanced the article.

Book Review
I’ve submitted my Book Review: In His Secret Life by Mel Bossa, which is available on The Gay UK. You can Go to Top of post or Journalism page.

Write soon,

Antony



I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


Share on Social Media:

Ouch…Severe Lower Back Pain

By HealthNo Comments

About a month ago I started suffering a sudden onset of severe back pain. It got so bad that paracetamol and ibuprofen wasn’t touching the pain and I couldn’t find any position to sit or lie in that would relief the pain so I went to see my GP. The pain was so bad that I felt constantly nauseous meaning I wasn’t eating, which is not good for a diabetic.

My GP thought it might be crushed vertebrae and gave me co-codamol with an appointment for an x-ray of my spine. The Co-Codamol was effective at relieving the pain but made me really drowsy. This mean’t that I was off work as wasn’t safe to drive.



(Some of the tablets I was taking.)

I didn’t agree with the doctors diagnosis of a crushed vertebrae as it is usually associated with trauma. While waiting for the x-ray results and being off work I rested my back as much as possible and the pain eased, meaning that I had to take the pain killers less often. I even managed to start getting out in the car and getting to the supermarket which was a major achievement as I had been house bound for nearly two weeks.

When the results of the x-ray came back it was revealed that my spine was fine so the GP diagnosed me with a muscle spasm. She gave me some Diclofenac as well as the co-codamol and referred me to a physio.

I’m still getting twinges of pain somedays, especially if I do a lot of walking or other physical activity. I am trying to rest my back as much as possible and be careful about not putting too much pressure on my back muscles. The whole experience has made me really appreciate my back, feel thankful of not having any spinal damage and made me more aware of the physical pain some people face in their day to day lives.

To anyone who suffers pain on a day to day basis, you are brave and I hope one day that medical advancement can lead to completely curing you of your pain.

Take Care,

Antony

Share on Social Media:
×