I’ve been thinking a lot about romantic relationships recently.
Relationships can be complex. Having two (or more) individuals each with their own wants, needs and desires requires good communication to navigate the labyrinth of potential issues.
I am famously single, due to the fact I grew up around abusive relationships.
But here are some red flags that would make me run for the hills:
Manipulation – Getting you to think or feel a certain way. Particularly negative thoughts or feelings such as feeling inadequate, guilty, shame or fearful.
Any sort of Unjustified Blame.
Controlling behaviour – Getting you to act in a way that suits the other. This includes not allowing you to spend money or wear certain clothes.
Disrespect – Including put downs or insults.
Oppression – Preventing an individual from expressing opinions or views.
Any sort of abuse – Physical or verbal. Nobody has a right to abuse another.
Using Sex, Money or Anything Else to alter the power balance in an individual’s favour. This includes denial unless an individual complies with what the other wants.
A lack of anything positive – A relationship should help you to grow as a person and this requires support and positivity.
Alcohol or Drug use – Usually to mask historic trauma. The individual part taking in these behaviours needs to address the trauma and begin to heal
Isolating – You from family and friends.
Too Serious, Too Soon- Wanting to move in, get joint bank accounts, etc early on in the relationship.
Human beings are social animals and since even before the beginning of language, we developed and engaged in communities.
I, like you all are part of many communities. Including (but by no means limited to): my immediate family, my locality, nursing, gay, authors/writers and pagan/spirituality.
I love being part of every community that I am part of, but like any community I don’t always agree with or like all members.
On exceptionally rare occasions, I get into conflict with a community member. Sometimes it’s like we can’t see what brings us together as community members. Like we are too focused by difference, rather than the similarities.
It is always sad when this happens and even sadder when we can’t agree to disagree. What is difficult for me to accept, is that sometimes there is no resolution to these disagreements.
I have apologised for any offense caused. I have empathised, trying to understand another’s point of view.
I have explained my perspective and thinking. I have explained my feelings. I have sought resolution.
But unfortunately there was no resolution wanted on the other side. Perhaps with time, there may be resolution. Perhaps there may not be. But at least I’ve tried.
In my last post: My View on The Law of Attraction – Including Pro/Cons Lists, I discussed The Law of Attraction in great detail. Thinking about The Law of Attraction was useful in terms of me developing some wishes and goals for my life. Here they are, some may not appear to be realistic, but The Law of Attraction encourages you to think and feel big, so that’s exactly what I’ve done here:
Health:
My Diabetes is in perfect control.
I sleep well. I have plenty of energy.
I’m healthy and happy.
I relax regularly.
I always have plenty of food available to me.
Money:
I have millions of pounds in the bank.
I am financially secure and prosperous.
I have active subscriptions to Disney+, Amazon Prime, Amazon Music and Netflix.
Home:
I own a home with a garage and garden.
I always feel safe and love at home.
I live near Rivington.
My home is always clean and tidy. I have a cleaner that helps with this.
Career:
I spend my days writing books, blog posts and articles, working 7am to 3pm, Monday to Wednesday (3 days a week).
I spend one day a week (Thursday) doing addiction counselling.
Social / Romantic Relationships:
I have a secure and happy relationship with a handsome, kind and funny man. I marry this man.
My family, friends and husband are happy and supportive of me.
I regularly do fun things with family, friends and my husband including: theatre trips, music gigs and comedy shows.
I go on holiday twice a year, one holiday in the UK and one holiday abroad. Both holidays are enjoyable, places of beauty with lots of fun things to do.
