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emotional trauma

Fear

By Thinking2 Comments

Following on from my last post Listening to my Heart through Mediation, I wanted to write about fear. I remember as a child I had confidence (albeit at little too much at times) to attempt anything, I had no fear of failure. It was one of the most precious gifts my mum had instilled me and my brothers. But since I’ve been listening to my heart I have felt more fear than ever before.

Perhaps it’s worried about more emotional trauma. Which is completely understandable. But recently I’ve had to go into situations that my fear has made me dredd beforehand, imaging what’s going to be said by people, how they will respond to me, etc. And you know what?

Facing my fear has been good. It’s never been as bad as I’ve imagined, in fact in some situations quite the opposite. So my advice to anyone feeling fear – think about how positive the situation could go (to give a balanced view), then go and face the situation – it’s never as bad as your fear makes out. And if it was, simply do what you have to do and then walk away.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Thursday 23 February 2012

Listening to my Heart through Meditation

By Paganism, ThinkingNo Comments

In the past I always followed my heart, trusting it to take me where I needed to go. But I have recently discovered that my brain and heart have been acting completely separate of one another.

It’s weird that two parts of myself can be operating completely separately and with no communication, but perhaps it was essential, so that my heart could take some time-out to deal with the emotional trauma I have experienced in the last twelve months (see Grief, My Darling Baby Brother & The Annual Christmas Card Letter). Meanwhile my brain stepped in and took over the task of day-to-day living.

When I was following my heart I was living, whereas from the point when my brain stepped in I’ve been existing. I want to follow my heart again and live, so how to do it? How to reconnect my brain and heart – like it used to be?

Well I’ve started to mediate. I clear my brain of all the tasks of day-to-day living, quietening my mind. Then focus on one thought – my heart and what it’s saying. It’s difficult but I’m starting to hear what my heart is saying and starting to feel at an emotional level like I used too. First listen to my heart, then learn to respond to what it says.

Write soon,

Antony



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Sunday 12 February 2012

The Annual Christmas Card Letter

By Education, Friends & Family, Happiness & Joy, Life, Love & Relationships, Paganism, Pets, Thinking2 Comments

Every year I write to my family and friends and include a Christmas card letter – letting them know what’s happened in my life in the last twelve months. This year has been no different, below is my letter tweaked slightly for you, the readers.


Get in touch, contact me

Monday 21st November 2011

Dear Reader,

How fast this year has flown! I hope you find that yours has been a positive one, that’s been filled with joy. My year has been a tough one, more so than I could have ever expected. In January Alex my younger brother (18 year old) suddenly and unexpectedly died (see My Darling Baby Brother & Grief). I lost my enthusiasm for life, and still have times when I am incredibly sad. (Right: photo of Alex.) It was around this time that I also got a letter from work stating that I was ‘at risk’ of redundancy due to the government budget cuts.

In February I continued to work on my final two university modules to complete my Nursing Degree (elearning). However due to the strict fortnightly deadlines on one module and the emotional trauma I was experiencing at the time, I was forced to put the module back. This means that instead of graduating with honours this year it will be next year.
My Darling Baby Brother

My Darling Baby Brother

25th Birthday Blackpool

 In May family and friends joined me to celebrate my 25th Birthday in Blackpool (Left: a photo of family and friends, see My Blackpool Birthday). A good time was had by all and I feel very fortunate to have such wonderful friends and family. Simon and I also visited Anglesey to see some of the ancient pagan monuments. (Right: a stone circle, see Visiting: Ancient Angelsey.)

Pagan Stone Circle in Anglesey

Dylan & Russell

 June brought the arrival of new additions to my immediate family, two gorgeous Bengal kittens named Dylan and Russell. I have had hours of laughter from them, lots of cuddles and intermittent mischievous behaviour (Left: Dylan and Rus saying hello to the camera, see Kittens at home and spending time with Family and Friends.) In July I had the privilege to attend Shaun (my long lost brother) and Sarah’s (his now-wife) Wedding. It was a very emotional and touching ceremony, followed by a big reception and evening party (see The Wedding of the Year).

Shaun & Sarah's Wedding

September brought new career prospects as I got interviewed for and offered a new job. I accepted and started a three year post. I am enjoying the challenge and making the most of the opportunity to learn.

John Barrowman LIVE

 In October I finally got to see John Barrowman Live. I have wanted to see him perform for the last four years. The first two years I couldn’t manage to get tickets (as he only plays at more intimate venues), last year I got tickets but was too ill to go, so I was pleased to finally make it. I went with Simon and we had a fantastic time. (Left: John Barrowman before the curtain dropped, see An evening see John Barrowman LIVE.)

Now as the winter starts to signal the years end I find myself in a reflective mood. My love life this year has been barren, but I haven’t minded as I haven’t been at my best. Most of my goals for this year have not been met, and my spiritual beliefs have been challenged. Still despite all that has happened this year, there have been moments of joy and positivity.

My hopes next year are for more positivity for me and those I care about. In the New Year I hope to make more progress in whatever goals I set and hope those around me make progress in their lives too. Most of all, I hope for happiness for all.

My love always,

Antony xxx

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Sunday 18 December 2011
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