Recently I was asked: What would your ideal man be like?
I wish I had a quick and funny answer. But I didn’t. I wasn’t able to answer it at all. I couldn’t answer because I haven’t thought about a relationship, or even considered the idea of having a man in my life for a long time. Too long.
But the question sparked something inside of me. It made me check-in with my heart and head. It made me think, wonder and to my surprise hope for love. With the right man of course.
A man that is kind, interesting and funny. As I thought about my ideal man and what I would want and be able to give in a relationship, I realised something:
Reading Time: 2minutesMy Apartment is in a former Cotton Mill. Image Illustrated by Sye Watts.
A house is a building usually with four walls, a roof, windows and doors that people live in. Whereas a home can be any sort of dwelling and is infinitely more. A home is:
A destination that you always look forward to arriving at.
A sense of belonging.
A place where kin come together to socialise, share meals, drink and be merry.
A place filled with laughter.
A place where birthdays, Christmas and other events are celebrated.
A place of mental and emotional comfort.
A place of physical comfort.
A place of good memories.
A place of love, affection and sex.
A place that can be quiet or noisy.
A place that may have children, pets and plants that need caring for.
A place of growth.
A place of life and death.
A place filled with sentimental items: photos, ornaments and artwork.
A place of safety.
A place where you can be yourself without fear of judgement.
A place where you can feel exactly as you do without having to explain.
A place you feel yourself immediately relax on entering.
A place of mediation and reflection.
A place where you can dance unobserved.
Somewhere that there’s always a cup of tea on offer.
A place where good meals are made and devoured.
A place filled with sentimental items: photos, ornaments and artwork.
A place where personal hygiene takes place.
A place where pyjamas are worn.
A place where books are read and your imagination is ignited & stimulated.
A place where TV and films are watched.
A place where music is listened to and enjoyed.
A place of privacy.
A place where some practice their faith, religion or magic.
A place where more than one language may be spoken, sometimes in the same conversation.
A place that is part of a vibrant and diverse community.
I am so fortunate. Seven years ago I bought my own apartment (see The Move) and it quickly became my own home. But what makes me feel really fortunate, is that I have several other places that feel like home. Places where friends and self-proclaimed-adoptive-families live.
Reading Time: 2minutesRuth Cocker Burks, image by Brian Chilson (from Out Magazine’s Website)
The photo above is of Ruth Cocker Burks.
Ruth is the altruistic woman who cared for gay men dying with AIDS in the 1980s in Little Rock, Arkansas, USA. It started when she was at University Hospital visiting a friend who had cancer. At the time she was 25 years old with a young family.
One day she saw a door to a patient’s room with a big red bag over it. Inside was a gay man dying of AIDS. Nobody came to visit him. He was asking for his mother. So Burks called his mother. His mother told Burks that being gay had brought shame on the family. His family didn’t want to know. Even the healthcare staff treated him as cursed. So Burks cared for him. She visited him in hospital and when he finally passed away she buried him.
Burks then went on to give this end-of-life care to hundreds of gay men and to bury at least three dozen herself. Luckily for Burks, her mother had bought 262 plots in a graveyard when she was younger due to a colossal family argument. This meant that Burks has plenty of space for the burials.
From the bottom of my heart and on behalf of those gay men, I just want to say: Thank you Ruth Cocker Burks. Nobody deserves to die alone, afraid and without care or love.
Burks believes that a higher power led her to her destiny of caring for these gay men dying with AIDS. I don’t know if that’s true or not. But what I do know is that Burks’ actions represents the very best aspects of humanity: care, compassion, kindness and love.
Burks is an inspirational woman and I wish we could all be more altruistic, meaning that we care for the well-being of others more.
