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Relationship Red Flags

By Love & Relationships, ThinkingNo Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot about romantic relationships recently.

Relationships can be complex. Having two (or more) individuals each with their own wants, needs and desires requires good communication to navigate the labyrinth of potential issues.

I am famously single, due to the fact I grew up around abusive relationships.

But here are some red flags that would make me run for the hills:

  • Manipulation – Getting you to think or feel a certain way. Particularly negative thoughts or feelings such as feeling inadequate, guilty, shame or fearful.
  • Any sort of Unjustified Blame.
  • Controlling behaviour – Getting you to act in a way that suits the other. This includes not allowing you to spend money or wear certain clothes.
  • Disrespect – Including put downs or insults.
  • Oppression – Preventing an individual from expressing opinions or views.
  • Any sort of abuse – Physical or verbal. Nobody has a right to abuse another.
  • Using Sex, Money or Anything Else to alter the power balance in an individual’s favour. This includes denial unless an individual complies with what the other wants.
  • A lack of anything positive – A relationship should help you to grow as a person and this requires support and positivity.
  • Alcohol or Drug use – Usually to mask historic trauma. The individual part taking in these behaviours needs to address the trauma and begin to heal
  • Isolating – You from family and friends.
  • Too Serious, Too Soon- Wanting to move in, get joint bank accounts, etc early on in the relationship.
  • Wanting to spend every waking minute with you.
  • Excessive jealousy.

    .

Blog soon,

Antony

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The Healthy Relationship Checklist

By Love & Relationships, Thinking2 Comments

How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship or not? Find out more below.

relationship-gender-symbols

Relationship Gender Symbols. Copyright © Antony Simpson, 2018.

If you are in a healthy relationship you should tick most of the boxes on the checklist below:
Unticked Box You can do things independently, without getting a hard time from your partner. You can explore interests, have hobbies, etc.
Unticked Box You can communicate openly and honestly with your partner without negative judgement or fear.
Unticked Box You never have to hide anything from your partner.
Unticked Box You get support from your partner when you are vulnerable.
Unticked Box Your partner encourages and supports you in everything that you do.
Unticked Box You have shared your dreams and hopes with your partner.
Unticked Box You and your partner have shared ambitions for your life together.
Unticked Box You feel safe: physically, mentally and emotionally.
Unticked Box You have regular contact with friends and family members.
Unticked Box Your partner never makes you feel bad for spending time with others.
Unticked Box Your partner always shows you respect.
Unticked Box You and your partner laugh together.
Unticked Box You and your partner listen to one another.
Unticked Box You and your partner both approach the relationship as a learning experience.
Unticked Box Your relationship adds something to both you and your partner’s life.
Unticked Box Your partner speaks to you with kindness.
Unticked Box Your friends and family honestly think your relationship is a healthy one.
Unticked Box Your relationship started with vulnerability, connection and intimacy.
Unticked Box You would use these words to describe your relationship: trust, warmth and attachment.
Unticked Box Your partner never belittles you.
Unticked Box Neither your partner or yourself displays contempt for the other. No eye rolling. No squinting at them as if to say what are you talking about?
Unticked Box You don’t feel controlled or manipulated.
Unticked Box Your partner is never aggressive or violent towards anyone or anything. This includes: you, any children and any pets or animals.
Unticked Box Your partner knows where the line is and doesn’t cross it. Either accidentally or purposefully.
Unticked Box You feel equal to your partner in the relationship.
Unticked Box You like the way you grown and changed while you’ve been in the relationship.
Unticked Box You and your partner express appreciation and admiration for one another.
Unticked Box You have fun together.
Unticked Box Your partner offers comfort, love and support when you’re upset, stressed or fearful.
Unticked Box You make decisions jointly.
Unticked Box You are intimate. By intimate I mean hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, being close to one another and sex.
Unticked Box You and your partner don’t argue constantly.
Unticked Box Your partner loves and likes you when you look and feel at your worst.
Unticked Box Your family and friends like your partner.

If you think or feel that you maybe in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the following websites have useful information on:

Blog soon,

Antony

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I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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Book Review: How To Be Human – The Manual by Ruby Wax

By Amazon, Books & Authors, ReviewsNo Comments
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Ruby Wax’s latest book is called How To Be Human – The Manual. It’s insightful, funny, warm and engaging. A pleasure to read. It’s like somebody is pouring wisdom into your head while you’re having a chat with them.

Each chapter covers a topic and is wittily written by Wax. For each chapter Wax has consulted with Ash Ranpura, a Neuroscientist and Gelong Thubten, a Buddhist Monk.

At the end of each chapter are fascinating transcripts of these discussions. Interspersed throughout How To Be Human Wax shares some of her own mental illness story.

So what exactly does Wax cover in How To Be Human? Pretty much everything. Here is each chapter title:

  • Evolution
  • Thoughts
  • Emotions
  • The Body
  • Compassion
  • Relationships
  • Sex
  • Kids
  • Addiction
  • The Future
  • Mindfulness Exercises
  • Forgiveness

How To Be Human builds on the strong foundations of Wax’s two previously published books: Sane New World – Taming the Mind, which I have reviewed here and A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled, which I have reviewed here.

You can also learn more about Wax by reading her autobiography How Do You Want Me?, which I have reviewed here.

How To Be Human is available to buy on Amazon and at all good book shops.

Review soon,

Antony

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I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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Feeling Ready

By Love & Relationships, ThinkingNo Comments

Recently I was asked: What would your ideal man be like?

I wish I had a quick and funny answer. But I didn’t. I wasn’t able to answer it at all. I couldn’t answer because I haven’t thought about a relationship, or even considered the idea of having a man in my life for a long time. Too long.

But the question sparked something inside of me. It made me check-in with my heart and head. It made me think, wonder and to my surprise hope for love. With the right man of course.

A man that is kind, interesting and funny. As I thought about my ideal man and what I would want and be able to give in a relationship, I realised something:

That I am feeling ready for love, once again.

Take care,

Antony

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