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The Gay UK Article – My Come Out Reactions

By Creativity, Friends & Family, Gay, Journalism, LifeNo Comments
gay-world-large Some of you know that I regularly write for The Gay UK. I recently wrote an article under the theme of coming out for their Tridigital magazine (available to buy on iTunes App Store and Google Play Store) about people’s reactions when I came out gay. I enjoyed writing the article and thought you might enjoy reading it. So here it is:

I’m out to everybody. These days I rarely need to come out and say that I’m gay, but it wasn’t always like that. Over the years I’ve come out to family, friends, work colleagues and even my GP. There’s been mixed reactions from people when I’ve told them that I’m gay, but most have been positive. In this article I’ll share some of the most memorable with you.

Family
Coming out to my mum was one of the best things I ever did. I knew she would be supportive, as one of her best friend’s is gay. She acted as a proxy, telling other members of the family and family friends that I was gay so I didn’t have to. Some years later she did tell me that she was worried that I would have a more difficult life as a gay man as ‘people can be so cruel.’

The funniest reaction from a family member was when my mum told my Granddad. He told her that I ‘just haven’t met the right girl yet.’ This wasn’t homophobic, just a lack of understanding and naivety of the gay world. This naivety is wonderful and one of the many reasons I love him immensely. He used to work on the tills at what has been dubbed The Gay Sainsbury’s in Manchester. He never realised (and still hasn’t!) that all the gay couples are actually together.

When I came out to my older Brother, a sporty lads lad, he said: ‘You’re still my brother. And I still love you.’ This acceptance from him meant the world to me and it still does.

Friends
My friends and I don’t really remember me coming out. That means that it wasn’t really a big deal. It was said, accepted and then we moved on. But there’s always that one friend isn’t there? When I came out to him, he said: ‘Me too.’ We’re still friends today and our same sexuality helped to build the bonds of a lifelong friendship.

Work Colleagues
I’ve had many work colleagues over the years, all in different settings and the vast majority coming out has been done by answering the questions: ‘So how was your weekend? What did you get up to?’

However I did have one Born Again Christian work colleague who said: ‘I accept that this is how you feel, but it’s not part of gods plan. It says so in the bible.’ This was a face palm moment and I rarely spoke to him after that.

At one workplace a closeted lesbian work colleague saw the overwhelmingly positive reaction to me as an out gay man and this gave her the courage to talk about her life and her partner openly. Prior to me arriving she had avoided conversations about anything personal, but after seeing how our work colleagues reacted to my talk of gay pride and my relationships she became more open at work and seemed happier for it.

GP
I had gone to see my family GP, an older Asian man, about something and decided to disclose my sexuality to him. I think I was at the stage in coming out where you want to tell the world that you’re gay. He said: ‘it’s unnatural.’ And then resumed talking about what I had gone to see him about. This hurt. Said by a supposed non-judgemental professional. Whenever I hear someone say ‘unnatural’ it takes me right back to that consultation room and makes me feel really uncomfortable.

My coming out reactions have been in the vast majority positive. I have been accepted for who I am. But that’s not always the case. Gay people coming out face the fear of rejection, actual rejection and in some cases abuse or violence. If someone can’t accept you for who you are and recognise that your sexuality is an important part of who you are, you have to ask yourself a serious question: do you really want this person to be a part of your life? I know what my answer would be.

Blog soon,

Antony



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Import: My Come Out Reactions

By Creativity, JournalismNo Comments

I’m out to everybody. These days I rarely need to come out and say that I’m gay, but it wasn’t always like that. Over the years I’ve come out to family, friends, work colleagues and even my GP. There’s been mixed reactions from people when I’ve told them that I’m gay, but most have been positive. In this article I’ll share some of the most memorable with you.

Family
Coming out to my mum was one of the best things I ever did. I knew she would be supportive, as one of her best friend’s is gay. She acted as a proxy, telling other members of the family and family friends that I was gay so I didn’t have to. Some years later she did tell me that she was worried that I would have a more difficult life as a gay man as ‘people can be so cruel.’

The funniest reaction from a family member was when my mum told my Granddad. He told her that I ‘just haven’t met the right girl yet.’ This wasn’t homophobic, just a lack of understanding and naivety of the gay world. This naivety is wonderful and one of the many reasons I love him immensely. He used to work on the tills at what has been dubbed The Gay Sainsbury’s in Manchester. He never realised (and still hasn’t!) that all the gay couples are actually together.

When I came out to my older Brother, a sporty lads lad, he said: ‘You’re still my brother. And I still love you.’ This acceptance from him meant the world to me and it still does.

Friends
My friends and I don’t really remember me coming out. That means that it wasn’t really a big deal. It was said, accepted and then we moved on. But there’s always that one friend isn’t there? When I came out to him, he said: ‘Me too.’ We’re still friends today and our same sexuality helped to build the bonds of a lifelong friendship.

Work Colleagues
I’ve had many work colleagues over the years, all in different settings and the vast majority coming out has been done by answering the questions: ‘So how was your weekend? What did you get up to?’

However I did have one Born Again Christian work colleague who said: ‘I accept that this is how you feel, but it’s not part of gods plan. It says so in the bible.’ This was a face palm moment and I rarely spoke to him after that.

At one workplace a closeted lesbian work colleague saw the overwhelmingly positive reaction to me as an out gay man and this gave her the courage to talk about her life and her partner openly. Prior to me arriving she had avoided conversations about anything personal, but after seeing how our work colleagues reacted to my talk of gay pride and my relationships she became more open at work and seemed happier for it.

GP
I had gone to see my family GP, an older Asian man, about something and decided to disclose my sexuality to him. I think I was at the stage in coming out where you want to tell the world that you’re gay. He said: ‘it’s unnatural.’ And then resumed talking about what I had gone to see him about. This hurt. Said by a supposed non-judgemental professional. Whenever I hear someone say ‘unnatural’ it takes me right back to that consultation room and makes me feel really uncomfortable.

My coming out reactions have been in the vast majority positive. I have been accepted for who I am. But that’s not always the case. Gay people coming out face the fear of rejection, actual rejection and in some cases abuse or violence. If someone can’t accept you for who you are and recognise that your sexuality is an important part of who you are, you have to ask yourself a serious question: do you really want this person to be a part of your life? I know what my answer would be.

Published by: The Gay UK on Sunday 16th December 2014.

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The long fantastic weekend, that never happened

By HealthNo Comments

Hello all, I’m still alive!

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted and the last few blog posts have been about books I’ve read, rather than what I’ve been up to. So don’t worry, I know we are well overdue a catch up. Let’s start with the weekend. I was all set to have a fantastic weekend. I had booked Monday and Tuesday off work, making it a long and exciting weekend. Here was the plan:

  • Friday – Finishing work and not having to work the evening, a chill night in front of the box.
  • Saturday – Meeting my long lost half brothers kids in the evening (that one’s a long story, sure I’ll blog about it sometime in the future).
  • Sunday – Going to Manchester in the day to see my granddad and his wife, to celebrate his birthday.
  • Monday – A chilled day (with a lie in) and then going to see John Barrownman with my good friend Simon.
  • So where did I end up? At home in bed. I had a bug and felt at points like I was dying. I couldn’t even tolerate at food at one point, which I know dieters would love, but believe me it was horrible. I had stomach cramps, a banging head, sleeplessness, vomiting and temperatures. I’ve texted everyone and apologised for not making my plans, explaining that I was ill. But do you know what the worst thing about this nasty bug? It’s like it knew I had a busy long weekend, filled with good times, because it struck Friday night and I’ve only just started feeling better today. I go back to work tomorrow. So I have aptly named this the long weekend, that never happened.

    Now you know what they say (who ever they are), “You must have caught a bug?”
    Well if you see anyone coughing, sneezing or looking like they’ve got the bubonic plague, get out of there sharpish! And then repeatedly wash your hands until they’re red raw (only kidding, that would be self harm).

    Don’t risk catching this one, it’s really not worth the 4-5 days off work for the pain (stomach cramps & head ache), the I’ve-not-slept-in-five-years blood shot, dark bagged eyes, the sweating one moment shivering the next. So apart from feeling terrible the only good thing is that this bug will help you shift that stubborn pound if your dieting.

    Take Care and BE HEALTHY all,

    Antony

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    The first guest

    By Friends & FamilyOne Comment

    A while back I had a mad cleaning day were I made my junk room into a suitablely tidy guest room (see The Undomestic God(dess)). The other week the was a family friends wedding and mum had asked if my granddad could come and stay at mine. I was more than happy to oblige.

    I spent all my spare time in the week cleaning in preparation. He came to stay and like every g.g.h (good gay host) I showed him around, made sure he had clean towls (and anything else he might need) and made him plenty of brews.

    The morning after the evening party we spent hours with brews chatting. I found my self listening deeply, trying to absorb every word as he spoke about his life, past jobs, past relationships, his current relationship, his love of the army and his reason for him leaving, his mum and dad and his grandma and granddad. I know I won’t remember every word, but I will do my best to remember as much as possible. For the first time I saw my granddad as a man who has lived a lot of his life rather than simply as my granddad.

    So there we go, I’ve had my first guest. It was a pleasure to have him to stay, I love him very much and he is welcome to stay at any time.

    Take care,

    Antony

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