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Feeling Devastated. Plenty of Questions & Worries, But Not Many Answers

By Health, LifeNo Comments

I’ve had time to reflect on my recent health consultations (see The ENT Specialists) and I can honestly say that I’m feeling devastated.

I knew the hole in my septum had gotten bigger, but seeing the state of the inside of my nose on a monitor attached to a camera on a flexible cable really traumatised me. I have plenty of health-related worries right now including:

  • Do I have vasculitis and if so, what does this mean for me in the long term? Vasculitis is a very rare condition.
  • If its not vasculitis, then what is the cause of this extensive nasal destruction?
  • What will the biopsies show? Could it be Cancer?
  • They want to operate urgently in the next two weeks. What is going through the mind of my ENT Consultant?
  • What has caused a small hole in my septum to lead to complete septum destruction in around 4 months?
  • Will the pain ever be resolved? Or is this it now? Chronic long term pain.
  • Could other symptoms such as fatigue, a psoriasis-like rash on my elbows, difficulty standing for short periods, right hip/knee pain and difficulty sleeping through the night (insomnia) be related to my nasal passage problems?
  • How will they decide to fix the problem? Is it even fixable?
  • How will all this impact on the management of my type 1 diabetes?
  • What other autoimmune diseases does this increase my risk of getting?
  • Is this related to that time I got pneumonia?
  • How will any or all of the above affect my life expectancy?
  • What does all this mean for returning to work and life?
  • Will I ever feel normal again, or is this the new normal?
  • Why did nobody ever tell me to go and get my constant blocked nose checked out? Would it have made any difference?
  • Why didn’t I get any ENT experience as a Student Nurse or in A&E. This would have at least given me some clinical experience in the area?
  • Why did I decide that my constant blocked nose was because of developing an allergy to my two gorgeous cats?
  • Will I ever be able to smell normally again? At the moment, I can’t usually smell anything, unless I try and it is particularly strong. Sometimes, I smell what smells like rotting flesh.
  • Why is the waiting list so long to seen ENT? Ear, nose and throat systems are vital to health and wellbeing.
  • And more questions continue to fill my head on an hourly basis.

I have plenty of questions right now, but not a lot of answers. It’s the not knowing that causes the most anxiety.

Best Wishes,

Antony

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Thursday 18 April 2024

Book Review: Survivor – Recovering from Alcoholism, Heartbreak and Trauma by Kieran Youens-Byrne

By Amazon, Books & Authors, ReviewsNo Comments

Survivor: Recovering from Alcoholism, Heartbreak and Trauma is an exceptional and heart touching memoir by Kieran Youens-Bryne.

In Survivor, Kieran shares his journey through addiction to alcohol, his heartbreak at ending his marriage to a narcissist and his emotional traumas from his earlier years.

It is a wonderfully inspiring read and includes literature in its various forms including poems, essays, quotes and even a playlist. The title of his book sums him up completely: Kieran is a survivor.

Kieran covers every aspect of where his addiction to alcohol took him, from his very first taste of an alcoholic drink, through the dark depths of active addiction and withdrawal and out the other end and into active recovery. Along the way he shared what worked for him, what didn’t and all the things he learned along the way.

Survivor is an brilliantly honest account of where addiction/dependency, a narcissistic partner and past traumas can lead to a person. But it is uplifting at the same time.

The book is written in an easy to read and engaging style. It demonstrates Kieran’s unique writers voice and is a piece of creative work that he should be very proud of.

I am pleased to report that Kieran’ story also has a satisfying happy ending. Kieran gets sober, at the time of writing this review he has been sober for more than a year. In the year sober, Kieran has completely transformed his life.

Kieran has rebuilt his confidence and self-esteem destroyed by his narcissistic ex-partner. Kieran has rediscovered his formally oppressed identity and learned to love himself once again. Kieran has faced past traumas and began working on healing and letting go of these traumas.

Kieran has gone on to write, edit and publish a further book titled Recovered, that I can’t wait to read. He is healthy and happy. I can’t wait to see what this amazing man does next.

Review soon,

Antony

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Sunday 18 February 2024

Ouch…Severe Lower Back Pain

By HealthNo Comments

About a month ago I started suffering a sudden onset of severe back pain. It got so bad that paracetamol and ibuprofen wasn’t touching the pain and I couldn’t find any position to sit or lie in that would relief the pain so I went to see my GP. The pain was so bad that I felt constantly nauseous meaning I wasn’t eating, which is not good for a diabetic.

My GP thought it might be crushed vertebrae and gave me co-codamol with an appointment for an x-ray of my spine. The Co-Codamol was effective at relieving the pain but made me really drowsy. This mean’t that I was off work as wasn’t safe to drive.



(Some of the tablets I was taking.)

I didn’t agree with the doctors diagnosis of a crushed vertebrae as it is usually associated with trauma. While waiting for the x-ray results and being off work I rested my back as much as possible and the pain eased, meaning that I had to take the pain killers less often. I even managed to start getting out in the car and getting to the supermarket which was a major achievement as I had been house bound for nearly two weeks.

When the results of the x-ray came back it was revealed that my spine was fine so the GP diagnosed me with a muscle spasm. She gave me some Diclofenac as well as the co-codamol and referred me to a physio.

I’m still getting twinges of pain somedays, especially if I do a lot of walking or other physical activity. I am trying to rest my back as much as possible and be careful about not putting too much pressure on my back muscles. The whole experience has made me really appreciate my back, feel thankful of not having any spinal damage and made me more aware of the physical pain some people face in their day to day lives.

To anyone who suffers pain on a day to day basis, you are brave and I hope one day that medical advancement can lead to completely curing you of your pain.

Take Care,

Antony

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Friday 3 August 2012
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