Recently I was asked: What would your ideal man be like?
I wish I had a quick and funny answer. But I didn’t. I wasn’t able to answer it at all. I couldn’t answer because I haven’t thought about a relationship, or even considered the idea of having a man in my life for a long time. Too long.
But the question sparked something inside of me. It made me check-in with my heart and head. It made me think, wonder and to my surprise hope for love. With the right man of course.
A man that is kind, interesting and funny. As I thought about my ideal man and what I would want and be able to give in a relationship, I realised something:
Photo Book: First 100 days together by Boyfriend-A
I arrived home from work today, checked my mail and found this. A surprise from Boyfriend-A. It’s a photo book, kind of like a diary documenting our whole relationship so far.
Inside the book is a series of visual representations of our first few months together in chronological order. Including: key dates, screenshots of messages we’ve exchanged, maps of places that we’ve been to together, photos of things we’ve done together (such as Manchester Museum, Lancashire Science Festival, Blackpool: Madame Tussauds & Sealife Centre, visiting Rivington and Liverpool Pride), photos of gifts we’ve got for one another, Facebook status updates, screenshots of some of my blog posts, screenshots from Skype, photos we’ve messaged one another on WhatsApp and it ends with a really romantic hand written message.
I had no idea that he was collecting memories, as I am, or that he’d do something as wonderful as this.
Both the photo book and surprising me with it were: Romantic. Awesome. Terrific. Clever. Original. OK, I’m going to stop now, otherwise I’ll run out adjectives.
I wont be showing the inside the book on the blog, as it’s far too personal and for our eyes only. Our first few months together have flown by. And do you know what? I cant wait for the next few months and beyond.
This photo book is one of the loveliest things a boyfriend has ever done for me. It’s amazing how someone relatively new in my life can mean so much to me.
My initial reaction was pride. All out gay or bisexual men have had to have these difficult conversations at some point, so I definitely empathised. These conversations are hard enough, but for Tom it must have been even more difficult given his position.
Tom is an Athlete in the Sporting Profession; and how many out gay professional Athlete’s or sports people do you know? Gareth Thomas the retired Rugby Player comes to mind, but he only came out as gay after he retired.
Then there’s Robbie Rogers a US Football Player, who used to play in the UK but no longer does. It is unbelievable that of the estimated 4,500 professional Football Players in the UK, he is the only gay or bisexual one. Statistics apparently show that 1 in 10 men are gay or bisexual, so it is likely that there are many professional footballers as well as other Athlete’s and sports people that haven’t come out.
The reason Athlete’s and sports people don’t come out is the stigma still attached with being gay in the sport industry. Professional sports people worry about losing fans, sponsors and ultimately their jobs. Tom will have been aware of all this and is very brave for risking all.
I’ve read many journalistic reactions and opinion pieces on his disclosure. I’ve also read many supportive messages to him, along with some quite blatantly homophobic ones.
I wasn’t just proud that Tom had come out as being in a relationship with a man, but that he had put himself in a position of emotional vulnerability in search for acceptance. Acceptance is an innate human desire and in order to gain acceptance you have to let people know you.
I have pondered if Tom deliberately avoided using the words gay or bisexual, or even if these words needed to be said. I’m sure that Tom coming out will be a great role model to any gay teens struggling with their sexuality – what it means for them and their life.
If I were to give a message to Tom it would be this:
Thank you for sharing who you are. I wish you every happiness, you deserve it. Keep the people in your life that accept, love and care for you. The people that don’t this feel this way – don’t worry or waste your time thinking about them. Just keep working, living and loving who you are.
Published by: The Gay UK on Friday 17th January 2014.
