Creativity
5. To use my creativity more in my everyday life.
6. To write a short story per quarter of the year with themes. The themes and deadlines:
Theme
Deadline
Heroes and Villains
31st March 2010
Love
30th June 2010
Life & Death/Light & Dark/Good & Bad
30th September 2010
In search of an “object”/Holy grail
31st December 2010
7. To read 10 fiction or autobiographical books and review on the blog.
8. To read 5 pagan books and review on the blog.
Paganism & Spirituality
9. To continue to work on invokation of Apollo.
10. To read Astral Projection for Beginners by Edain McCoy and regularly practice my astral projection.
11. To buy a book on runes, learn runes and practice.
12. Host a psychic party.
Financial
13. Pay off credit cards.
14. To not increase my debts.
15. To live more frugally.
Family and Friends
16. To support them to achieve a state of increased happiness.
17. To see my friend Simon at least once a month.
Travel
18. Save up to visit the Egyptian Pyramids.
I recently discovered The Guardian’s Charlie Brooker. I enjoy reading his weekly online articles often about TV, politics or what ever he feels he wants to write about. I like that his own voice comes through in his writing, which he seems to achieve by using wit and humor.
I read one of his articles entitled Forget those creative writing workshops. If you want to write, get threatened, where he said if you want to get that idea for a novel actually on paper you need to get yourself a deadline. Good advice Charlie! I need to get myself a deadline if I want to write three short stories before the end of this year (see Goals for 2010).
I’ve added Charlie to my ‘Blogs of Interest’ as although, strictly speaking, not a blog, it is something I take pleasure from when reading. With the ‘Blogs of Interest’ in mind, I’ve removed Wyatt’s Blog as he’s stopped blogging and turned in to an online shopping store.
We are already in 2010 and I know I should have already set my goals, but hey I’ve been busy! So here they are:
Health
1. To get my diabetes under better control by testing my blood sugars at least twice a day.
2. To put on weight. (I know most people want to loose it, but I am 10 stone which is less than I weighed at 15 years old when I was 12 stone)
Education
3. To complete a further two modules towards my degree. (see Back to University)
Creativity
4. To write three short stories.
5. To enter these short stories in Writing Competitions.
6. To read at least fourteen books.
7. To update/tweak/add & remove sections of my website. (as the rest of the site as been poorly maintained since the new site design)
I’ve mentioned before that I find writing this blog theraputic (see My Writing Process – for some of my better blog posts). Sometimes it seems we can’t say what we feel to people but we feel that we need to express this emotion. So I decided a month ago to write an unsent letter.
The idea is basically that you write a letter to the person expressing how you feel, but you don’t actually send it. So a month ago today, I wrote this letter:
Dear name,
Before we met I had noticed you and it seems that you had noticed me too. I was attracted to your deep dark eyes that showed your caring, playful nature and your beautiful body. We met and chatted, you were full of dreams and aspirations. Things started to develop, at times you confused me, did my head in but my heart always loved you. We had an intimate night in which I felt my heart explode with emotions of joy. The truth is that I often relive that night in my mind, the rollercoaster of emotions I felt and then remember that life got in the way.
I care for you deeply and have a desire for you to find happiness. It is obvious that in my ideal world it would be with me. But this is not an ideal world and you are not with me.
You have become part of the gay culture in Manchester. You seem to have taken on their values, that gay men are to be used for sex. This was confirmed when you sent that facebook message saying I should fuck you, even though you have a boyfriend. Where has the caring, playful and full of aspiration name gone? It seems you have no aspirations other to be in this relationship you are in. Where has the idea of going to Uni gone? Where’s the contact with your family that you highly valued at one time?
I guess change in people is inevitable. Just try and stay true to that lovely guy you were when I first met you.
With all my love always,
Antony
I deliberately removed the name, but he will know who he is. This is partly because he will recognise our unique relationship and partly because I accidently-on-purpose sent the letter over Facebook.
Did I miss the point of this exercise? Well no. You see this person and I don’t talk often any more, so what did I have to loose?
He replied about a day later via text:
Idk [I don’t know] what to say. X
I replied:
I’d sussed that. I needed to express how I feel. I wasn’t gonna send it then I thought what hav I got to loose? We dnt tlk anymore. A x x x
A day or so later we bumped in to each other and talked. It came out that he likes me but that he felt hurt from what happened last time. I can understand that. And in honesty, it was my fault. I messed up. There was a lot going round in my head at the time and a lot going on in my life.
I don’t know what I expected him to say? I know what I’d of liked him to say – that was in the letter. I am pleased he read it and I’m pleased that he let me know how he felt and feels. I guess that’s all I could of asked for.
Take care,
Antony
The song I was listening to when I wrote the letter:
