Life

Two Hundred

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Can you believe that this is my two hundredth blog post? In celebration here are some questions answered. Hopefully you’ll learn more about me and what makes me tick, expect references to some of the posts I’ve written:

1. Why do you blog?
Blogging for me fulfils my creative urges and is also theraputic. It allows self expression on how I view myself, the world around me and how I experience it. It is also a great way for family and friends to keep up to date with my antics.

2. When do you blog?
I usually blog during the weekday evenings. Occasionally I do have a full day blogging on a weekend. On a weekend day, I can bash out several blog posts and schedule them to publish at a date and time of my choosing in the future. So don’t assume that the date of publish is the time I’ve written them.

3. What do you blog about?
Anything and everything. My blog is abstract really. I tend to blog about my own life experiences, what’s going on in my life and other things that I’m passionate about. My main two passions I’ve noticed I blog about a lot are gay rights (including homophobia) and my religion, paganism.

4. Is there anything you don’t share on your blog?
Although I may appear open and that I share everything on my blog, I actually don’t. I only blog about things I would say to a member of the public (as anyone can access this blog on the World Wide Web). There are many things I consider to be private that I never blog.

5. Where do you live?
I’ve never revealed this on my blog and don’t intend too. I live in an apartment I’ve recently bought. You can see photos on my blog post The Move.

6. Whose important in your life?
My family and friends. You can read more on my blog post People that inspire me.

7. What have you achieved in your life?
A many number of things, like I’m sure you all have. I’ve bought an apartment, completed a HE Diploma in Children’s Nursing, learn’t to drive, a many number of spiritual achievements. I guess it depends what you call an achievement? And anyway, how is an achievement measured?

8. What would you like to achieve in the future?
Well I have a grand plan, you can read more on my blog post A Magickal Grand Plan. It includes things I wish to achieve in all areas of my life, health, family and friends, love, education, creativity, career, paganism and spirituality, experiences, home life, finances and travel.

9. Are you religious?
Yes, I’m a pagan. You can read more about what being a pagan means for me on my paganism page of my website.

10. What is your religion? What does it involve?
My religion is paganism. It involves following the cycle of the year, you can read more on my blog post entitled Pagan Festivals.

11. I’ve noticed your adventures page hasn’t been updated in a while. Do you ever plan on updating it?
Yes, I plan to do some more adventuring in the next year. I hope to travel a bit more next year. I had intended too this year but travel got delayed due to buying my apartment,

12. Are you on any of the popular social networking sites?
I’m on facebook, for friends only. I am also on twitter @antonysimpson. It mainly contains tweets from when I update this blog and replys to other people’s tweets.

13. What’s your websites design? And how did you come up with it?
The idea is that it’s a cork notice board with a piece of paper pinned to it. It was designed by my good friend Sye. I am especially proud and love the cartoon style naviagation icons that change on mouse over at the top of the site that Sye did the art work for.

14. What do you like to do for leisure?
Write blog posts, obiously. Surf the web, read, TV, socialising, meals out, see friends, cinemas and films, allsorts really.

15. I’ve noticed you write a lot about gay rights. Why’s this so important for you?
I think it’s important to me as I know friends who have experienced homophobia. People I love and care about being isolated and mistreated because of their sexuality. I have experienced homophobia, but not to this degree. I also have read up on my history and know what it used to be like for gay people. No role models in society (on the TV, media, etc.), no rights (no recognition of gay relationships by the mainstream hetrosexual world), being mistreated by institutions (police raiding gay pubs, courts prosecuting gay people, homosexuality being treated as a mental health condition, etc.) and I never, ever want it to go back to how it has historically been. Right I’ll get off my soap box.

16. What’s your faviourate film?
Any Disney film. I was brought up on Disney. Probably the reason I’m single though, as I often want the ideal and can’t settle for less. I love rom-coms. The typical love story were boy meets girl, falls in love with girl and ends up with her in the end.

17. What’s your faviourate artist or band?
I’m werid. I like a whole mix of different music from cheesy pop, soft rock, a bit of r n b, opera, indie, everything really. I tend to like songs rather than artists. If that makes sense?

18. What’s your faviourate colour?
Yellow. The colour of the sun (am sooo a sun worshiper!), colour of intelect and creativity.

19. Who are you idols? Who inspires you?
My family and friends inspire me, you can read more on my blog post People that inspire me. But if your talking in the famous world you can find out on my blog posts Inspirational Icons and Inspired by Stephen Fry.

20. Is it true you have diabetes?
Yes. Type 1. Insulin dependant.

21. What’s your diabetes diagnosis story?
That’s a blog post that’s already written. It’s scheduled to publish January 2010 which will mark 3 years since my diagnosis of diabetes.

22. How’s the elearning going? (see Back to University)
I’m ok on one of the modules and the other one I’m slightly behind. I intend to play catch up this weekend. I couldn’t find the resources I needed to do the work. I’m still new to this style of learning and it’s taking some getting use too. But I have bought some new uni books.

23. You seem to post a lot about comedy. Why is comedy so important to you?
I think as Dame Edna would say “we all need to laugh, especially in this world…more than ever”. Comedy enables you to see things from a different perspective and not take things too seriously. I think we need that with all the negativity we are peddled by the media.

24. You seem to love books, what are you currently reading?
Several university text books.
Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend by Jenny Colgan
Wannabe a Writer? by Jane Wenham-jones
How to Create a Magical Home by Marie Bruce
Book by Whoopi Goldberg
So yeah a quite diverse selection of literature.

25.What star sign are you?
I’m a taurus (a bull). You can read more on my blog post As a Taurus….

Take care,

Antony

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An Unsent Letter

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I’ve mentioned before that I find writing this blog theraputic (see My Writing Process – for some of my better blog posts). Sometimes it seems we can’t say what we feel to people but we feel that we need to express this emotion. So I decided a month ago to write an unsent letter.

The idea is basically that you write a letter to the person expressing how you feel, but you don’t actually send it. So a month ago today, I wrote this letter:

Dear name,

Before we met I had noticed you and it seems that you had noticed me too. I was attracted to your deep dark eyes that showed your caring, playful nature and your beautiful body. We met and chatted, you were full of dreams and aspirations. Things started to develop, at times you confused me, did my head in but my heart always loved you. We had an intimate night in which I felt my heart explode with emotions of joy. The truth is that I often relive that night in my mind, the rollercoaster of emotions I felt and then remember that life got in the way.

I care for you deeply and have a desire for you to find happiness. It is obvious that in my ideal world it would be with me. But this is not an ideal world and you are not with me.

You have become part of the gay culture in Manchester. You seem to have taken on their values, that gay men are to be used for sex. This was confirmed when you sent that facebook message saying I should fuck you, even though you have a boyfriend. Where has the caring, playful and full of aspiration name gone? It seems you have no aspirations other to be in this relationship you are in. Where has the idea of going to Uni gone? Where’s the contact with your family that you highly valued at one time?

I guess change in people is inevitable. Just try and stay true to that lovely guy you were when I first met you.

With all my love always,

Antony

I deliberately removed the name, but he will know who he is. This is partly because he will recognise our unique relationship and partly because I accidently-on-purpose sent the letter over Facebook.

Did I miss the point of this exercise? Well no. You see this person and I don’t talk often any more, so what did I have to loose?

He replied about a day later via text:
Idk [I don’t know] what to say. X
I replied:
I’d sussed that. I needed to express how I feel. I wasn’t gonna send it then I thought what hav I got to loose? We dnt tlk anymore. A x x x

A day or so later we bumped in to each other and talked. It came out that he likes me but that he felt hurt from what happened last time. I can understand that. And in honesty, it was my fault. I messed up. There was a lot going round in my head at the time and a lot going on in my life.

I don’t know what I expected him to say? I know what I’d of liked him to say – that was in the letter. I am pleased he read it and I’m pleased that he let me know how he felt and feels. I guess that’s all I could of asked for.

Take care,

Antony

The song I was listening to when I wrote the letter:

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Karma

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For those of you who haven’t heard, there’s this theory on how the universe works called Karma.

Basically karma is the principle that what you send out in to the universe (in terms of your actions, how you treat others, etc.) come back to you threefold. If you send out positive (treating people well, being considerate of your actions) you will receive positive in return. If you send out negative (treat people poorly, be malice in your actions) you shall receive negative in return.

The universe works in mysterious ways – it isn’t always obvious that something negative that happens in your life are associated with your past negative actions/negative treatment of people. The universe also has to take a lot of other things in to account – such as your life learning lessons, timing, etc. But it does work.

Karma in a Nut Shell

Karma
As part of the universal balance, what you send out you shall receive. What this essentially means is that if you put out positive energy you shall receive positive energy. But if you put out negative energy, treating people wrongly, this will come back to you with you receiving negativity in return.
(from: http://www.antonysimpson.com/paganism.php, 17th October 09)

Let you be aware!

Antony

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I needed a new pair of shoes

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I have recently started my Uni course (see Back to University). I’m a student again! So I wanted to share with you the story of how I decided to go to Uni the first time round.

Applying
Applications had to be in by September. This point passed and I hadn’t applied to any University to do anything. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. (Who actually does at eighteen?) I originally wanted to be a Teacher but then I did a placement whilst at college in a School and didn’t like the amount of paperwork they had to take home. I wanted my work to be my work and my home life to be my home life. A lecturer at college at the time mentioned about Children’s Nursing to me. I knew nothing about it, but on a whim in early January I decided to apply. They accepted my late application. Three of the four Universities I had applied too rejected me outright. They looked at my qualification grades on the application and as I was not an ‘A’ student didn’t even bother to interview me.

The Interview
I arrived at The University of Central Lancashire for my interview. I was dressed in a shirt and tie and had my portfolio under my arm. It was a big open room, with pairs of lecturers dotted about the room. There was a waiting area filled with hopefuls, all waiting to be interviewed. All looked as I felt, nervous. This was clearly visible by jittering legs, messing with blouses, playing with their hair as well as other give away signs. I sat down and watched as the other interviewees were called one by one by these pairs of lecturers. It seemed that after being asked a few key questions they were asked to return to the waiting area. And after waiting 10 mins or so they’d be called back by the lecturers and either offered a place or not.

After a short while my name was called. I took a deep breath and walked over. I shook both their hands and they offered me a seat. I was asked some questions, I can’t remember all of them. But one was “What do you think is the importance of the role of the parents when caring for a sick child?” I replied:
“I think it’s absolutely important. They know their child and what’s normal for their child better than we do.” After the interview I was asked to go back to the waiting area, I had not even sat down in the waiting area and they called me back. “We would like to offer you a place on the course. It would have to be next year though, because we have a full intake this year.” I immediately accepted the place feeling exhilarated that I had made it on the course.

A year to wait (or maybe not…)
I had qualified as a Nursery Nurse at college and went on an agency. I was asked to go and work in a private day nursery in Manchester. I started the Nursery and loved it. I enjoyed working with the children, talking to their parents (letting them know what their child had been up to all day) and my friendly work colleagues. After two weeks the manager called me in to her office and offered me a job, stating she would pay the agency £1,000 to breech the contract of not recruiting their staff. She offered me the better pay than most of the girls there (£4.95 per hour) and wanted to make me a room co-ordinator for the 2-3 year olds. This all sounded great!

However I couldn’t afford to live close by and getting the train at 5am from my local town in order to get to the nursery for 7:30am was taking it’s toll. So she spoke to a parent of one of the children in the Nursery and she agreed to let me rent a room on the cheap. So I had a job, responsibility and a new place to live. I even by this point met a boyfriend who lived in Manchester too. All good apart from money being tight. I was one of the better paid there but by the time I’d paid my rent (which included all bills and council tax) and bought my food I practically had no spare cash.

That evening my boyfriend (at the time) rang me and said he wasn’t going to Uni this year. He was going to save up and go next year. But I already knew that he had savings. I encouraged him to go (I wanted him to be happy and I know he really wanted to do the course he’d chosen), but he stated he had already given up his place. He later admitted that he did this to be with me.

One day while walking home from work I looked down at my shoes. They had become scruffy and had developed what seemed to be a mouth (meaning the soul was detaching it’s self from the rest of the shoe). I suddenly realised that I couldn’t afford a pair of shoes. Not even a cheap pair. If I bought any I’d be short on cash to pay everything that I needed too. And if I borrowed some money, I couldn’t afford to pay it back the following month. I was poor. I knew I didn’t have much money as I lived close to the city centre, but never went out. When my boyfriend (at the time) and I went out he paid. Then my mobile started to ring.

“Hello…It’s ….. from the University of Central Lancashire….we’d like to offer you a place this year….starting in four weeks…..”

I looked down at my shoes and said: “Yes, I’d love too. I need a new pair of shoes.” I’m sure the women on the end of the phone thought I was mad, but I knew what it meant. Bursary from the NHS to train and would lead to a better paid job meaning more financial stability.

The moral of the Story
Although I am more financially well off now, I understand what it is like to be poor. To struggle to make ends meet, to have the basic food, no money for leisure or luxury. I will always remember those times of hardship and those times help me fully appreciate how people are currently struggling due their low wage, the credit crunch and increases in prices.

Thanks for reading my ramblings,

Antony

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