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Love & Relationships

The Happiest I Have Ever Been

By Creativity, Friends & Family, Gay, Health, Life, Love & Relationships, Money / Finances, Thinking2 Comments

Just over a year ago, I felt numb and like I was coasting through life. I was existing, rather than living. I hadn’t been well for a while and had recently been diagnosed with vasculitis.

People with vasculitis have a significantly reduced life expectancy when compared to that of the average person. This diagnosis caused me to re-think every aspect of my life. It caused me to ask myself: Are you happy? The answer was no.

So then I started asking myself: What would make you happier? I had to look at everything: my health, my work, my relationships with others, my passions (including writing), my finances, my home life, my mental & emotional health.

It was a daunting task. Sometimes, it is easier to be stuck in an unhappy and unfulfilling rut, rather than be brave and face the truth. Especially when facing and accepting where I was in my life involved acknowledging the unhappiness and beginning to make changes.

Change is always hard. Our brains like patterns of behaviour. They are key to our survival as a species, but not key to a healthier and happier life.

So I got counselling. I explored every aspect of my life. I started making changes: prioritising my health, changing jobs, working with others to improve relationships – resetting of expectations and putting in boundaries, getting back on the dating apps, working on a more balanced approach to pursuing my passions, reducing my financial outgoings were possible and trying harder to stick to a budget, getting rid of excess clutter at home and generally taking better care of my mental and emotional health.

None of it was easy. And I’m still not where I want to be. But I’m pleased to say my health has improved in some areas such as my diabetes management & mental health. I am also happier than I can ever remember being.

Write soon,

Antony

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Sunday 14 September 2025

Comedian Miranda Hart Finds Love & Marries, Aged 51

By Love & Relationships, ThinkingNo Comments

Comedian Miranda Hart has recently revealed that she has found true love and married her partner at 51 years old. Miranda described her new husband as her best friend in a recent interview I saw.

Go Miranda! I couldn’t be happier for her.

Finding love is hard. It feels harder now, even though we have an abundance of Apps to help us to connect romantically with others.

I’ve been joking with people recently, saying that my insulin pump, which I have named Ivan is probably going to be the last man that I ever sleep with. But we all want love off a special someone don’t we?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I am reluctant put myself out there. To date or to even think about getting into a relationship with anyone. I’ve had a couple of revelations about how I operate when dating or in a relationship with a man. I’ve realised that when I’m seeing someone, I expect the man to do one of two things:

  1. Leave me for someone else, usually so they can give it a go with an ex. OR
  2. To start to drink heavily, at best ignoring me, at worst becoming abusive in some way.

Let’s put it bluntly: I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Emotionally, I don’t feel I am enough to make someone happy. Which is ridiculous because I have a lot to offer someone special. I’m a nice guy, positive, occasionally funny and on some rare occasions can be magnificent.

But I know where this feeling of inadequacy comes from. It comes from my teenage years. In the relationships I had and saw around me.

In psychanalytic circles, there’s something about if you want something different from your relationships (not just romantic ones), then you need to change your dance. The first step to changing any thoughts, feelings or behaviours is to know what your dance is and where it comes from.

So I know my dance and where it comes from. To change it though, I would need to date someone again. I’ll be honest, I’d given up on this area of my life.

But Miranda’s story has made me feel that perhaps, just perhaps, there’s hope for me yet.

Miranda has a new book that has just been released, titled I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You, which is available to buy on Amazon and at all good book shops.

Write soon,

Antony

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Sunday 13 October 2024

Relationship Red Flags

By Love & Relationships, ThinkingNo Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot about romantic relationships recently.

Relationships can be complex. Having two (or more) individuals each with their own wants, needs and desires requires good communication to navigate the labyrinth of potential issues.

I am famously single, due to the fact I grew up around abusive relationships.

But here are some red flags that would make me run for the hills:

  • Manipulation – Getting you to think or feel a certain way. Particularly negative thoughts or feelings such as feeling inadequate, guilty, shame or fearful.
  • Any sort of Unjustified Blame.
  • Controlling behaviour – Getting you to act in a way that suits the other. This includes not allowing you to spend money or wear certain clothes.
  • Disrespect – Including put downs or insults.
  • Oppression – Preventing an individual from expressing opinions or views.
  • Any sort of abuse – Physical or verbal. Nobody has a right to abuse another.
  • Using Sex, Money or Anything Else to alter the power balance in an individual’s favour. This includes denial unless an individual complies with what the other wants.
  • A lack of anything positive – A relationship should help you to grow as a person and this requires support and positivity.
  • Alcohol or Drug use – Usually to mask historic trauma. The individual part taking in these behaviours needs to address the trauma and begin to heal
  • Isolating – You from family and friends.
  • Too Serious, Too Soon- Wanting to move in, get joint bank accounts, etc early on in the relationship.
  • Wanting to spend every waking minute with you.
  • Excessive jealousy.

    .

Blog soon,

Antony

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Sunday 15 September 2024

Community

By Gay, Happiness & Joy, Love & Relationships, Paganism, The Web, ThinkingNo Comments

Human beings are social animals and since even before the beginning of language, we developed and engaged in communities.

I, like you all are part of many communities. Including (but by no means limited to): my immediate family, my locality, nursing, gay, authors/writers and pagan/spirituality.

I love being part of every community that I am part of, but like any community I don’t always agree with or like all members.

On exceptionally rare occasions, I get into conflict with a community member. Sometimes it’s like we can’t see what brings us together as community members. Like we are too focused by difference, rather than the similarities.

It is always sad when this happens and even sadder when we can’t agree to disagree. What is difficult for me to accept, is that sometimes there is no resolution to these disagreements.

I have apologised for any offense caused. I have empathised, trying to understand another’s point of view.

I have explained my perspective and thinking. I have explained my feelings. I have sought resolution.

But unfortunately there was no resolution wanted on the other side. Perhaps with time, there may be resolution. Perhaps there may not be. But at least I’ve tried.

Best wishes & Write soon,

Antony

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Sunday 25 February 2024
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