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Comedian Miranda Hart has recently revealed that she has found true love and married her partner at 51 years old. Miranda described her new husband as her best friend in a recent interview I saw.

Go Miranda! I couldn’t be happier for her.

Finding love is hard. It feels harder now, even though we have an abundance of Apps to help us to connect romantically with others.

I’ve been joking with people recently, saying that my insulin pump, which I have named Ivan is probably going to be the last man that I ever sleep with. But we all want love off a special someone don’t we?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I am reluctant put myself out there. To date or to even think about getting into a relationship with anyone. I’ve had a couple of revelations about how I operate when dating or in a relationship with a man. I’ve realised that when I’m seeing someone, I expect the man to do one of two things:

  1. Leave me for someone else, usually so they can give it a go with an ex. OR
  2. To start to drink heavily, at best ignoring me, at worst becoming abusive in some way.

Let’s put it bluntly: I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Emotionally, I don’t feel I am enough to make someone happy. Which is ridiculous because I have a lot to offer someone special. I’m a nice guy, positive, occasionally funny and on some rare occasions can be magnificent.

But I know where this feeling of inadequacy comes from. It comes from my teenage years. In the relationships I had and saw around me.

In psychanalytic circles, there’s something about if you want something different from your relationships (not just romantic ones), then you need to change your dance. The first step to changing any thoughts, feelings or behaviours is to know what your dance is and where it comes from.

So I know my dance and where it comes from. To change it though, I would need to date someone again. I’ll be honest, I’d given up on this area of my life.

But Miranda’s story has made me feel that perhaps, just perhaps, there’s hope for me yet.

Miranda has a new book that has just been released, titled I Haven’t Been Entirely Honest With You, which is available to buy on Amazon and at all good book shops.

Write soon,

Antony

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