The 7 Love Languages Theory by Dr Gary Chapman
Dr Gary Chapman is an American Minister who came up with The 7 Love Languages Theory.
Dr Chapman theorised that we all have 1 or 2 ways in which we show our love to others and that we prefer others to show their love for us in these same ways.
Dr Chapman called these expressions of love ‘languages’ and suggested that there are 7 of these love languages:
The 7 Love Languages
- Words of Affirmation.
- Quality Time.
- Receiving Gifts.
- Acts of Service.
- Physical Touch.
- Shared Experiences.
- Emotional Security.
It should be noted here that Dr Chapman originally suggested only the first 5 love languages, adding the 6th & 7th love languages later.
Dr Chapman theorised that when couples have difficulties in their relationship it is because they are expressing their love for one another in their own preferred love language, rather than the language that their partner prefers. Let’s look at these love languages in more detail:
1. Words of Affirmation
People who prefer the words of affirmation love language want their partner to compliment them, praise them and say positive things about them and their relationship to them regularly. They value words and what is said or written over actions.
2. Quality Time
People who prefer this love language want to complete activities and share experiences with their partner often. If they perceive that a partner is giving too much of their attention and time to others or to working, their partner may feel neglected or unloved.
3. Receiving Gifts
People who prefer the receiving gifts love language, like presents, but that doesn’t mean that they are materialistic. Often these people don’t care about the cost of the gifts. It’s more about their partner thinking of them, appreciating them and providing evidence through a small gift.
4. Acts of Service
Acts of Service always reminds me of the saying: Actions speak louder than words. People who prefer this love language will complete selfless acts of service to demonstrate their love for a partner and want their partner to do the same for them.
5. Physical Touch
People who prefer this love language require regular physical contact with their partner to express their love and in return feel loved. Physical touch is not about intimacy or sex, but instead any sort of physical contact with their partner. Such as: holding hands, hugs, resting their hand of their partner’s leg and kissing.
6. Shared Experiences
For people who have shared experiences as their preferred love language, they must engage in regular activities, experiences and adventures that are fully shared with their partner in order to express their love and to feel loved by their partner. People who prefer this love language will always be planning their next shared experience with their partner.
7. Emotional Security
For people who prefer the emotional security love language, they show and feel loved if they and their partner feel safe, can fully trust one another and are given reassurance when required. For these people, how they feel is extremely important and they value honesty and kindness greatly.
Conclusion
Dr Chapman’s love languages theory is worth knowing about. It could be used to navigate some difficulties in some relationships. It could even be used to strengthen some relationships. But Dr Chapman’s theory doesn’t consider external factors that could cause difficulties in a relationship. Two things are clear: Both people and relationships are complex and multifaceted.
Blog soon,
Antony
I write about love, in all its forms, and how it contributes to people’s happiness in my book FINDING YOUR HAPPINESS:
