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The Healthy Relationship Checklist

By Love & Relationships, Thinking2 Comments

How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship or not? Find out more below.

relationship-gender-symbols

Relationship Gender Symbols. Copyright © Antony Simpson, 2018.

If you are in a healthy relationship you should tick most of the boxes on the checklist below:
Unticked Box You can do things independently, without getting a hard time from your partner. You can explore interests, have hobbies, etc.
Unticked Box You can communicate openly and honestly with your partner without negative judgement or fear.
Unticked Box You never have to hide anything from your partner.
Unticked Box You get support from your partner when you are vulnerable.
Unticked Box Your partner encourages and supports you in everything that you do.
Unticked Box You have shared your dreams and hopes with your partner.
Unticked Box You and your partner have shared ambitions for your life together.
Unticked Box You feel safe: physically, mentally and emotionally.
Unticked Box You have regular contact with friends and family members.
Unticked Box Your partner never makes you feel bad for spending time with others.
Unticked Box Your partner always shows you respect.
Unticked Box You and your partner laugh together.
Unticked Box You and your partner listen to one another.
Unticked Box You and your partner both approach the relationship as a learning experience.
Unticked Box Your relationship adds something to both you and your partner’s life.
Unticked Box Your partner speaks to you with kindness.
Unticked Box Your friends and family honestly think your relationship is a healthy one.
Unticked Box Your relationship started with vulnerability, connection and intimacy.
Unticked Box You would use these words to describe your relationship: trust, warmth and attachment.
Unticked Box Your partner never belittles you.
Unticked Box Neither your partner or yourself displays contempt for the other. No eye rolling. No squinting at them as if to say what are you talking about?
Unticked Box You don’t feel controlled or manipulated.
Unticked Box Your partner is never aggressive or violent towards anyone or anything. This includes: you, any children and any pets or animals.
Unticked Box Your partner knows where the line is and doesn’t cross it. Either accidentally or purposefully.
Unticked Box You feel equal to your partner in the relationship.
Unticked Box You like the way you grown and changed while you’ve been in the relationship.
Unticked Box You and your partner express appreciation and admiration for one another.
Unticked Box You have fun together.
Unticked Box Your partner offers comfort, love and support when you’re upset, stressed or fearful.
Unticked Box You make decisions jointly.
Unticked Box You are intimate. By intimate I mean hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, being close to one another and sex.
Unticked Box You and your partner don’t argue constantly.
Unticked Box Your partner loves and likes you when you look and feel at your worst.
Unticked Box Your family and friends like your partner.

If you think or feel that you maybe in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the following websites have useful information on:

Blog soon,

Antony

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What are some of the most difficult questions in life?

By Life, ThinkingNo Comments

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Here are some of the most difficult questions in life, along with my current partial answers to them. None of these complex questions have simple answers. If you have a better answer than the one I have, or would like to share your answer to these questions, please leave a comment below.

Who am I?

Who I am is fluid rather than fixed and changes constantly. It encompasses my thoughts, feelings, intentions, actions, omissions, behaviours and my soul. Who I am changes as quickly as each encompassed element can change.

What is consciousness?

Consciousness is a result of billions of neurons in the brain firing electrical signals to other neurons. Our body allows us to sense the world (through taste, sight, touch, smell, sound and psychic intuition) and then create thoughts and feelings based on the now, memory and past experiences, dreams and hopes for the future.

What’s the meaning of life?

I have no idea what the meaning of life is. But I’ve got a feeling that it’s different for every life. I do know that you should decide on the purpose or ideally purposes of your life.

Purposes may include: dedication to family/friends, goals/achievements of your own, contribution to the wellbeing of others, learning/studying/growth, to create or destroy, to consume and enjoy, to travel, to adventure and experience, to improve humanity, to love, the list goes on and on.

Where does creativity come from?

Perhaps the question should read: what inspires creativity? A large number of things can inspire creativity, including: nature, research, other people’s creative works (art, music, literature, sculpture, etc.), curiosity, questions, past experiences, daily life, failures, logic/illogic, other people’s ideas, emotions, procrastination, through play, again the list goes on and on.

Does God exist?

Pagans are polytheistic, meaning that they worship many Gods and Goddesses. I personally believe that these Gods and Goddesses represent humanistic aspects of a Divine Energy.

This Divine Energy is infinitely complex and incomprehensible by the limited human mind. This Divine Energy is within everything that ever was, is and will ever be. It is timeless, interconnects everything and keeps the universe in balance through constant creation, change and destruction.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

We all have a sense of fair play. When we see bad things happen to good people, we notice it as it feels unfair. We notice it more because the person is a good person. But life events are simply what they are.

Sometimes bad things appear at random and sometimes they are methodological. They can be difficult to accept and it is normal to feel a sense of injustice and unfairness.

Reframing your thoughts to acknowledge that bad things happen regardless of whether a person is good or not is a way to balance your thinking. It is also useful in breaking the association between behaviours (being a good person) and negative life events (the bad things).

What happens after we die?

The cells, tissues and organs in your body die (necrosis). Your body decays until the point that only your skeleton is left (skeletonisation).

But when most people ask this question, they are referring to what happens to the soul after death. Well most believe in heaven or an afterlife of some sort. Others believe in reincarnation (being reborn as another person, animal or plant).

I personally believe in both an afterlife and reincarnation. I think that your soul is energy and is released from your body on your death. It travels to another plane of existence (the astral plane).

The astral plane is like an afterlife but not like a traditional version of heaven. You are reunited with other souls that you have known (possibly over several lifetimes and the times in-between). You have the choice of if and when (although there is no concept of time in this place) you want to be reincarnated.

The purpose of being reincarnated is so that you can grow as a soul, but also so you can do some of the things that only physical entities can do (such as enjoy food, music, dance, sex).

What is love?

Poets, Writers, Musicians and Artists have all been exploring what love is and how it is expressed since humans were first able to feel and think. I think any type of love starts with vulnerability, connection and intimacy. From there it grows into trust, warmth and attachment.

For me there are different types of love:

  • Love shared with friends. Familiarity, shared interests, shared values and loyalty.
  • Love shared with family. Familiarity, growing together, mutual respect and unconditional acceptance.
  • Love shared with a lover. Romance, possibility, comfort, sensuality and sex. (I should note here that I am single.)
  • Unexpressed love. Fantasy, a crush, desire and longing.

Have I met Mr/Mrs Right?

How the heck should I know? But I would ask yourself: Does he/she make you laugh? Can you tell them anything? Does he/she build you up and support you? Does he/she add something to your life? Does he/she have their own life, with their own friends, dreams and ambitions? What do your friends and family honestly think about them and you as a couple?

Hopefully answering these questions will give you more insight.

Can love last a lifetime?

Yes. As long as both partners continue to grow independently as well as growing together. And as long as they continue to love one another. I believe love can last, not just a lifetime, but into the afterlife and beyond.

Write soon,

Antony

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Book Review: Sane New World – Taming the Mind by Ruby Wax

By Amazon, Books & Authors, Health, ReviewsNo Comments
sane-new-world-ruby-wax-book-cover The self-acclaimed poster girl for mental health Ruby Wax went to Oxford University and completed a Masters in Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy. Wax wanted to understand the neuroscience behind her own mental health and maybe find a better way to manage her mental health.

On completion on Wax’s Masters she wanted to share her own mental health story, along with what she’d learned at Oxford. So she embarked on a tour of mental institutions, before widening the tour to the general public.

I went to see Wax’s Sane New World Tour, but for anyone whose not had the opportunity or wants to know what secrets Wax learned at University, they can read her book Sane New World – Taming the Mind.

Sane New World is a funny, informative and captivating book on the subject of mental health. It’s easily the best book I’ve ever read on the topic. So it is a MUST read for anyone interested in or whom has experienced poor mental health.

In Sane New World Wax covers:

  • What Drives Us Crazy.
  • The Critical Inner Voice(s).
  • Emotions.
  • Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Stress, etc.
  • How Our Brain’s Work – Neuroscience.
  • The Functions of Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, Cortisol and Other Chemicals in the brain and body.
  • How Our Brains Grow and thought/behavioural/emotional patterns can be changed.
  • The basics of Mindfulness.
  • Some good, but brief mindfulness exercises.
  • Alternatives to Mindfulness (if it isn’t your sort of thing or doesn’t work for you).

Throughout the book as I have mentioned Wax tells her story. Sane New World includes some wonderful illustrations that give an insight into how Wax operates and is relatable to all. After all, we are all human beings and all being stretched by life to the point of breaking. If we’re not careful we might actually break. We need to take hold of the reins in our minds and in our life and if necessary make some changes.

Sane New World will improve your understanding of mental health, teach you how to be and remain mentally and emotionally healthy and be an enjoyable read, all at the same time. It will teach you how to be in control of your mind, rather than it being in control of you. Definitely worth the investment in my humble opinion.

Sane New World by Ruby Wax is available to buy on Amazon and at all good bookshops.

Review soon,

Antony

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Book Review: The Year I Met You by Cecelia Ahern

By Amazon, Books & Authors, ReviewsNo Comments
the-year-i-met-you-cecelia-ahern For the first time Cecelia Ahern has published two books in a year. The first was the brilliant How to Fall in Love, which I have reviewed here.

Cecelia Ahern‘s second book is the favourable The Year I Met You, which I shall review here.

The Year I Met You tells the story of two neighbours. Jasmine Butler has made her career her life, but after being sacked she is forced to take gardening leave for a year. Matt Marshall is a radio presenter on a controversial radio show, that is until an incident on the New Years Evening show leads to him being forced to take some time off-air.

Neither Jasmine or Matt cope well with their change in circumstances. Jasmine starts actually gardening. Matt drinks copious amounts of alcohol. It is at this point that Jasmine starts to notice her neighbour from across the road – Matt. The book is written from Jasmine’s perspective, with her writing to Matt referencing him as You.

All of the characters in The Year I Met You were believable and likeable. Jasmine is an meticulous people watcher who keeps the people in her life at a distance. Matt loves his family but has become entrenched in the daily grind of life. Both characters feel lost, something we have all felt.

Stylistically Jasmine’s perspective was enjoyable to begin with. However her use of You when referencing Matt did become frustrating. Luckily as the reader reaches the midway point in the book, she begins to use you a lot less. This was not only practicable, but symbolises a change in the relationship between Jasmine and Matt.

The storyline was good, but the book was slow paced. That said, there’s not a lot could have been done about it with the premise behind the story. The ending was excellent, reflective and interesting.

Overall a reasonable story. One that is an enjoyable read, but that you probably won’t read more than once. The story is essentially about the characters rediscovering who they are, their friendship that develops along the way and the transformation of themselves so that they are able to move forward.

The Year I Met You is available to buy on Amazon.

Review soon,

Antony

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I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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