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The Healthy Relationship Checklist

By Love & Relationships, Thinking2 Comments

How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship or not? Find out more below.

relationship-gender-symbols

Relationship Gender Symbols. Copyright © Antony Simpson, 2018.

If you are in a healthy relationship you should tick most of the boxes on the checklist below:
Unticked Box You can do things independently, without getting a hard time from your partner. You can explore interests, have hobbies, etc.
Unticked Box You can communicate openly and honestly with your partner without negative judgement or fear.
Unticked Box You never have to hide anything from your partner.
Unticked Box You get support from your partner when you are vulnerable.
Unticked Box Your partner encourages and supports you in everything that you do.
Unticked Box You have shared your dreams and hopes with your partner.
Unticked Box You and your partner have shared ambitions for your life together.
Unticked Box You feel safe: physically, mentally and emotionally.
Unticked Box You have regular contact with friends and family members.
Unticked Box Your partner never makes you feel bad for spending time with others.
Unticked Box Your partner always shows you respect.
Unticked Box You and your partner laugh together.
Unticked Box You and your partner listen to one another.
Unticked Box You and your partner both approach the relationship as a learning experience.
Unticked Box Your relationship adds something to both you and your partner’s life.
Unticked Box Your partner speaks to you with kindness.
Unticked Box Your friends and family honestly think your relationship is a healthy one.
Unticked Box Your relationship started with vulnerability, connection and intimacy.
Unticked Box You would use these words to describe your relationship: trust, warmth and attachment.
Unticked Box Your partner never belittles you.
Unticked Box Neither your partner or yourself displays contempt for the other. No eye rolling. No squinting at them as if to say what are you talking about?
Unticked Box You don’t feel controlled or manipulated.
Unticked Box Your partner is never aggressive or violent towards anyone or anything. This includes: you, any children and any pets or animals.
Unticked Box Your partner knows where the line is and doesn’t cross it. Either accidentally or purposefully.
Unticked Box You feel equal to your partner in the relationship.
Unticked Box You like the way you grown and changed while you’ve been in the relationship.
Unticked Box You and your partner express appreciation and admiration for one another.
Unticked Box You have fun together.
Unticked Box Your partner offers comfort, love and support when you’re upset, stressed or fearful.
Unticked Box You make decisions jointly.
Unticked Box You are intimate. By intimate I mean hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, being close to one another and sex.
Unticked Box You and your partner don’t argue constantly.
Unticked Box Your partner loves and likes you when you look and feel at your worst.
Unticked Box Your family and friends like your partner.

If you think or feel that you maybe in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the following websites have useful information on:

Blog soon,

Antony

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Saturday 26 May 2018

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans (LGBT) People in Employment Today

By Gay, LifeNo Comments

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans (LGBT) people in employment today have more acceptance and more equality than ever before. But have we reached a point were a persons sexuality isn’t important? Were their ability to do the job is paramount?

In this blog post I will discuss an article entitled Why it’s still not ‘Mission Accomplished’ for LGBT workers by Matthew Todd for Totaljobs. First the positives:

total-jobs-LGBT-Rights-1

LGBT people have more acceptance and equality today, than ever before.
Image from & copyright Total Jobs @ GIPHY.

LGBT people in employment today have more acceptance and more equality than ever before. This has been helped by the wider society acceptance. It has also been helped by employers working with organisations such as Stonewall to learn and understand LGBT employees and to have more inclusive working practices.

total-jobs-LGBT-Rights-2

Employers are working with organisations like Stonewall to understand LGBT people and have better working practices to include LGBT employees.
Image from & copyright Total Jobs @ GIPHY.

But for good and smart employers it’s about more than just acceptance and inclusion. It’s about valuing employees as individuals and celebrating the diversity of their workforce. This in turn increases productivity and leads to better outcomes (including bigger profit margins for private sector organisations) according to research studies quoted in this BBC article: Why it’s important to be yourself at work and this Infographic.

So acceptance, inclusion, valuing employees as individuals and celebrating diversity of LGBT employees is a win-win situation. Employees are happier and feel more secure. Employers get increased productivity and better outcomes.

total-jobs-LGBT-Rights-3

Acceptance, inclusion, valuing employees as individuals and celebrating diversity of LGBT employees is a win-win situation.
Image from & copyright Total Jobs @ GIPHY.

But according to Todd it’s not all positive. He cites surveys that report that some LGBT people still experience bullying and/or harassment at work and that some LGBT people feel that some workplaces have been/are unwelcoming.

I can only speak of my own experiences. My experiences of being an LGBT person in employment has been very positive for the fast majority of the time.

But I have experienced bullying and harassment because of my sexuality and/or gender (as a Nurse who happens to be male). Three or four times in my career, which for me is three or four times too many. Each time by an individual employee and each time I felt unable to challenge their attitude or behaviour because of the situation I was in.

Still I have observed a massive change in attitudes and cultures both in the workplace and outside of it during my career. I think that if someone attempted to bully or harass me in the workplace today, that one of my colleagues would challenge it before I had chance to.

What do you think of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Trans (LGBT) people in employment today? Please leave a comment below.

Blog soon,

Antony



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Thursday 9 February 2017

A List of Qualities in People that INSPIRE Me

By Inspiration, Life, ThinkingNo Comments

According to Google inspiration is defined as:

inspiration-definition

Google’s Definition of Inspiration

Back in 2008, I wrote a blog post about People that inspire me. I could add so many people to that blog post.

But instead I decided to look at the qualities in people that inspire me. Here’s my list of qualities that those people display:

  • Accepting.
  • Authentic.
  • Balanced in their thinking.
  • Battle their inner demons.
  • Believe in fairness and equality.
  • Brings joy to others.
  • Can have a presence on entering a room or blend into the background in social situations.
  • Captivating Story Teller.
  • Careful in their actions.
  • Cares about others.
  • Comfortable with themselves.
  • Confident yet humble.
  • Connects emotionally with others.
  • Creative.
  • Describes their own thoughts & feelings through words well.
  • Determined.
  • Diplomatic.
  • Dislikes injustice.
  • Empathetic.
  • Enthusiastic.
  • Flawed.
  • Funny.
  • Generous.
  • Good communicator.
  • Has others following them.
  • Honesty.
  • Humorous.
  • Independent.
  • Influences others.
  • Intelligent.
  • Is a Collaborator.
  • Is a Doer.
  • Is a Dreamer.
  • Is Grateful.
  • Kindness.
  • Knows when, who and why to ask for help.
  • Makes others feel comfortable.
  • Makes others laugh.
  • Motivational.
  • Non-judgemental.
  • Occasional vulnerable.
  • One-step ahead of others.
  • Open minded.
  • Optimistic.
  • Passionate.
  • Patient.
  • Positive.
  • Relaxed in new situations.
  • Self-aware.
  • Sensitive.
  • Shares their Knowledge and wisdom.
  • Sincere.
  • Stands up for the rights of others.
  • Supports & helps others.
  • Unconventional.
  • Values community.
  • Vibrant.
  • Wants a better society for all.
  • Wants others to reach their potential.
  • Willing to fight for a cause.
  • Wise.
  • Works hard.

I’m sure there’s many other qualities that could be added to the list. I also know that as well as people, many other things inspire me. Things such as music, books, films, paintings, nature, animals and expressions of love to name but a few.

What qualities do you admire in the people that inspire you? Feel free to share by leaving a comment below.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Tuesday 25 August 2015

Book Review: Family Pride by Michael Shelton

By Amazon, Books & Authors, Gigs & Shows, ReviewsNo Comments
Family Pride Michael Shelton Book Cover Family Pride by Michael Shelton is written like a research article and has an extensive list reference list. Shelton highlights early on that there is a lack of representation of ethic minorities and economically disadvantaged LGBT families in the research. The book is clearly structured and styled as an educational textbook. No definition of an LGBT family is made or attempted; probably because LGBT families are so diverse in their make up and scope. Just like ‘straight’ families.

Shelton interviewed some LGBT parents and even some of their children from across America for this book. I would have enjoyed reading more of these interviews; particularly around their coping strategies for dealing with homophobia, perceived hertrosexism and subtle prejudices. I would have enjoyed reading about these LGBT families hopes for the future.

Family Pride starts with an introduction, explaining the history of gay rights movement and the extreme rightwing (anti-gay) response to this agenda. How the progress of gay rights movement has had an unintended backlash on LGBT families and put many of them in the spotlight in their communities.

I should point out, at this point, that this book is completely Americanised and lacks any international perspective. However many of the issues faced by LGBT families in America will apply to LGBT families in the UK.

Then Family Pride gives a comprehensive review of the issues LGBT families face including:

  • Internalised homophobia.
  • Stages of coming out as an LGBT to children, families and the community.
  • The facade of the perfect family.
  • Issues in schools such as the other same-sex parent not being recognised and bullying of the children by other children (and potentially some of the school staff).
  • Access and engagement with physical and mental health services.
  • The ability to access and enjoy leisure activities (including the all American Summer Camps).
  • Religious Institutions.
  • and the Police & Legal System.

In the conclusion there’s a small section dedicated to how to improve attitudes and acceptance of LGBT families, which will enable better community integration and to give LGBT families a sense of belonging.

Overall Family Pride has good, evidenced-based content. The writing style could have been more engaging and I felt that Shelton over-explained his point at times. This book is ideal for Students or Practitioners in the disciplines of Social Work, Nursing, Mental Health, Youth Work, Housing, the Police, Prison Officers and other public service institutions. It will give Students and Practitioners an awareness of the issues LGBT families face with accessing and engaging with institutions in a way that is dignified, respected and valued.

Family Pride by Michael Shelton is available to buy on Amazon.

I recently interviewed two LGBT parents for The Gay UK; so you might like to read FEATURE: Coming Out to The Kids – Paul’s Story and FEATURE: Coming Out to The Kids – Linda’s Story.

Review soon,

Antony

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Sunday 12 January 2014
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