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Alex

Your Birthday

By Friends & Family, ThinkingNo Comments

It was your birthday yesterday. I always remember your birthday and the anniversary of your far too premature death. But some thing rather unusual happened to me yesterday. I felt the raw pain of grief in my heart at you not being physically there and had to stop to have a good cry. After my good cry, I lit a candle and wished you a Happy Birthday.

I have no idea why this particular birthday of yours brought such intense feelings of grief and loss. Perhaps I was more sensitive than normal due to lack of sleep. I’ve haven’t been sleeping well due to the constant pain from my nose.

At the weekend your family and friends are going for the annual meal to celebrate your birthday. This one will be a bit tougher than it normally is. But that’s okay. As much as I feel sadness and grief at your loss, I also smile and laugh remembering the good times together.

Big hugs,

Antony

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A Meeting, a Massage and a Meal

By Friends & Family, Health, ThinkingNo Comments
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In response to my exposé report, the Head of Quality and Head of PALS (Patient Advice & Liaison Service) from the Northwest Boroughs Healthcare NHS Trust met with me to discuss my concerns around the care I received. I was uneasy about the meeting and anxious, but it went extremely well.

The Northwest Boroughs Healthcare NHS Trust have taken my report seriously and the feedback has been responded to with both top-down and bottom-up approaches.

The meeting couldn’t have gone better and I left feeling very assured that they had not only taken my concerns seriously, but responded to them appropriately. They are due to write a formal response to me in due course.

I followed this with a self-care treat of a 60 minute full body massage. This was relaxing and de-stressing. It was a GroupOn deal, I’ve never used GroupOn before, but it’s great for trying out new experiences or businesses at a reduced price. So check it out.

Yesterday I attended a meal to celebrate what would have been Alex, my younger brother’s 28th birthday.

Words that sum up my last few days: unease, anxiety, bravery, changing things for the better, relaxing, de-stressing, remembrance, celebration.

Blog soon,

Antony

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A Rare Photo

By Friends & Family, Life4 Comments

the-three-brothers-photo

A Rare Photo: Alex, Antony & Neil.


Date: 14th May 2007
Event: My 21st Birthday Family Meal

Above is a rare photo of all three men that my mum brought into the world. Three brothers. Alex. Me. Neil. We were raised together. We shared everything including family meals, bedrooms, hand-me-down clothes and holidays. This was before Shaun, my Long Lost Brother, came into our lives.

For my 21st birthday we had all gone out for a family meal. I don’t remember where. But I do remember thinking that there were next to no photos of Alex, Neil and me together as adults and on insisting that this photo be taken. Just before the camera went off, Alex said something funny and we were laughing as the photo was taken. He was always doing that. Saying things to make everyone laugh.

I remember showing Alex the photos when I got them developed and telling him, partly in jest, that he had ruined the photo by laughing. But looking back on the photo now, he simply used the photo as an opportunity to show his sense of humour. He had this wonderful ability to find laughter everywhere and in everything.

6 years ago today Alex died. I’ve examined this photo in great detail since he passed. But until recently, I never noticed the old lady in the background on the right-hand side of the photo. So in the spirit of Alex’s sense of humour: That old lady was well ahead of her time! She photobombed our photo, back in 2007, before it became a thing. She probably didn’t even realise she was doing it. 🙂

This photo is one of the most precious things I own. I can’t remember what he said, as the photo was taken, that was so funny. I can’t remember what the impression or joke was. But when I look at his face on this photo, I laugh. Every time.

Write soon,

Antony

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15 Non-Essential Items in my Home

By Amazon, Friends & Family, Home, ThinkingNo Comments

We all have non-essential items at home that hold great sentimental value to us. Here are 15 of mine:

Crystals-In-Bowl-Aug-16

15. Crystals

15. Crystals
I love crystals. This bowl of crystals (my friend Jayne bought me the bowl as a Yule/Christmas present) is just the tip of the iceberg.

My home is filled with various types of crystals (clear quartz, smoky quartz, rose quartz, amethyst, lapis lazuli, citrine, turquoise, loadstone and many others), in various forms (tumbled, natural, points, beds & raw).

Each crystal is unique, with its own energy and feel, which is what I love about them and why they hold such sentimental value.

Amethyst-Tree-Aug-16

14. Amethyst Tree

14. Amethyst Tree
This Amethyst Tree was one of the first ‘pagan’ things I bought, when I was sixteen years old. I had to save up for it for weeks. It’s only small and wasn’t expensive. But it holds great sentimental value.

It reminds me of my past. How much I’ve grown and continue to grow. In every aspect of my life.

Sun-Wall-Plaque-Aug-16

13. Sun God Wall Plaque

13. Sun God Wall Plaque
I love this sun God wall plaque that I bought myself on my recent adventure to India. It celebrates the sun, which I worship in all senses of the word.

You can read more about my India adventure in my eight part series of blog posts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 & Part 8.

gay mirror fabulous multi-coloured

12. My Fabulous Gay Mirror.

12. My Fabulous Gay Mirror
Two years ago, before Simon and I went away to Wales (see Mid-Wales Part 2: Aberdovey Beach & King Arthur’s Labyrinth) I bought a lottery ticket. Then we went away. While away I bought this fabulous gay mirror. I was reluctant to buy it because I didn’t have much money. But the lottery ticket turned out to be a winner and covered most of the cost of the mirror.

I like the mirror just as much as I did on the day that I bought it. I love the bright colours, the shape and it’s weight. It is hung on the wall in my bedroom. The mirror also reminds me of the good memories Simon and I created on our trip to Wales.

Pentacle-Pentagram-Wall-Plaques-Aug-16

11. Pentacle/Pentagram Wall Plaques

11. Pentacle/Pentagram Wall Plaques
Pentacles and Pentagrams are symbols of protection. I bought the bronze pentacle for myself, as a moving in present, when I bought and moved into my apartment 7 years ago (see The Move). It is hung above the door to my master bedroom.

The wooden pentagram was bought for me by the Watts family, at a gay pride stall of all places. The Watts family and I have mutually adopted one another. It is my priviliage to be considered part of the Watts family. The pentagram is hung above my front door in my hallway.

Handmade-Box-Aug-16

10. This Handmade Box

10. This Handmade Box
My friend Simon bought me this handmade and unique box for my 21st birthday. It is beautiful. I keep an array of essential and magical oils in it.

Simon and I have a close relationship and share a wide range of interests. He always buys tremendous gifts and presents, many of which could have made it on to this list. Each gift or present is chosen or made with great care.

Like this box, my friendship with Simon is handmade, unique and beautiful.

Glass-Candle-Holder-Aug-16

9. This Glass Tealight Candle Holder.

9. This Tealight Candle Holder
This handmade glass tealight candle holder was bought for me as a Christmas present by younger brother Alex, prior to his death. So for obvious reasons it holds huge sentimental value.
Apollo-Statue-Aug-16

8. Apollo Statue.

8. Apollo Statue
Every time my friend Kay goes on holiday, she brings me back a wonderful souvenir. I love the god Apollo, so one year when she was going to Italy, I asked her to bring me back a statue of Apollo. She brought me this statue back. It is among my prized possessions.

Kay has brought me many lovely things back over the years. Each of them has found a place in my home. Each makes me smile and think of Kay every time I see them.

Kay is a amazing friend and one that I am very lucky to have.

Altar-Aug-16

7. My Altar – here is a photo of my Altar, which has a various items for various reasons.

7. My Altar
My altar is ever-changing. It changes with the passing of the seasons and according to pagan festivals. I’ve had altars on and off over the years, usually depending on physical space.

Although having an altar isn’t essential, it reminds me that I am a Witch and to practice meditation, spells and other spiritual endeavours.

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6. An Illustration of Me – drawn by my good friend Sye Watts.

6. An Illustration of Me
For Christmas in 2011, my friend Sye, who is a superb Illustrator, drew this illustration of me. It is framed and hangs on the wall in my hallway.

It makes me smile every time I see it. It always reminds me of what a wonderful friend I have in Sye.

Monkey-Aug-16

5. My Childhood Teddy Monkey.

5. My Childhood Teddy Monkey
This is Monkey, my childhood teddy, bought for me by my Auntie Sue. Monkey has velcro hands and as a child he came everywhere with me. Once my mum even had to rescue Monkey from under a bus.

These days Monkey lives quite happily on my bookshelf.

Brother-Willow-Statue-Aug-16

4. This Willow Tree Brothers Figurine – given to me by my long lost brother.

4. This Willow Tree Brothers Figurine
My brother Shaun bought me this Willow Tree Brothers Figurine for Christmas one year. Shaun is my Long Lost Brother. He’s my older brother and despite not growing up together, we’re really close. Shaun is supportive, loyal, makes me laugh and always has a story to tell. I’m so glad that we met.

I just wish we had met sooner, so that my younger brother Alex and Shaun could have had more time together.

Photograph-Aug-16

3. This Photograph – a rare photo of two of my brothers and myself.

3. Photograph
This photograph. It’s a photo of two of my brothers and myself. It was a photo taken on a family meal for my 21st birthday. Alex, my younger brother (on the very left of the photo), died a few years after this photo was taken (see My Darling Baby Brother). It’s been 5 years since Alex died and I am so glad I have this photo of us brothers together.
February Photo Challenge 10th

2. iMac – my writing tool.

2. iMac
I bought my iMac in January 2012 (see iMac Part 1 & iMac Part 2). It is so many things to me: a tool for writing and for sharing my writing through my blog & creative writing page; a visual collection of memories via my photos; an entertainment station playing music, films, DVDs, Netflix, BBC iPlayer, YouTube; a tool to communicate through Facebook, Twitter, email, forums, Skype, FaceTime; and a tool to learn through the Internet.

It is one of the best things that I’ve ever bought myself.

Books-Aug-16

1. Books (image is part of my top shelf where all my favourite books are kept).

1. Books
The photo (left) is a photo of some of my favourite books. Books that I have read again and again. For me books inspire creativity, educate and inform, but mostly: ignite my imagination.

Books in this photo: Wannabe a Writer?, Sane New World, The Graveyard Book, The Humans, The Time of My Life, The Magician’s Assistant, The Tales of Beedle the Bard, Born This Way, Split, Best Gay Romance 2014, OMG Queer, Franky Gets Real, In His Secret Life, Above, The Gay Man’s Kama Sutra, Elements of Witchcraft, Advanced Witchcraft, Utterly Wicked, Witchcraft: Theory and Practice & Everyday Magic.

What sentimental items do you have at home? Leave a comment below.

Blog soon,

Antony

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