What’s new? Lots. In this blog post I’ll be telling you all about new things I’ve bought (or been treated to by others), my latest batch of homemade and handmade candles, my experience of using Bipolar UK’s eCommunity, attending my local Bipolar Support Group and dealing with a change to my medication.
Things
I’ve got quite a number of new things recently. I saved up and bought-in-bulk the following Dorothy Morrison candles and oils from The Angry Cauldron:
Photo above is of my candle collection.
Photo above is of my oils chest. Included are Dorothy Morrison limited edition oils and other essential oils.
My old hoover started making sounds like it was going to explode and takeout half of the town with it. So I bought a new one:
My New Hoover bought on Amazon: VYTRONIX VTBC01 1400w Compact Cyclonic Bagless Cylinder Vacuum Cleaner HEPA Hoover
My mum recently got a new sofa. She kindly gifted me her old sofa. It was really appreciated as my old sofas were knackered. To protect the leather from scratches by my cats, I bought throws and rubbed lemongrass essential oil on the sofa in places they would be tempted to scratch. Cats don’t like lemongrass essential oil or at least mine don’t. I also dug out some old cushions to match the throws.
Here are the results, a lovely sofa and chair, which are both like new:
New sofa with brown throw and red & gold cushions.
New sofa chair with red throw and red & gold cushion.
My birthday came and went without any real celebration. Lots of people gave me money, which I am going to save for when I go away for a night in June.
But for the May full moon I’d burned one of my Dorothy Morrison Hot Damn candles. I had a load of wax remains on my altar and then came up with an idea: What if I bought a Wax Melter and burned the remains? I saw this gorgeous Yankee Candle Wax Melter on ebay and couldn’t resist:
This gorgeous Yankee Candle Wax Melter was what I bought with some of the money I got for my birthday. The orange wax burning is the remains of a Dorothy Morrison Hot Damn candle (purchased from The Angry Cauldron).
A good friend of mine got married yesterday. I needed a suit for her Wedding and I picked up this stylish and absolutely bargain priced suit:
I bought this Charcoal Grey suit from ASDA for a bargain price of £50 (£35 for the jacket and £15 for the pants) for a friend’s Wedding. It looks exactly like a Next suit but was probably around one third of the price.
Candle Creation
In January I made a batch of homemade and handmade White Champagne & Strawberry candles. I couldn’t blog about them at the time because a number were reserved as gifts for people. I gave one to my mum for Mother’s Day, one to my Grandma for her 75th birthday, one to Simon and two to my friend for her Wedding. Here is a photo of one of my candles:
My latest batch of handmade and homemade candles. They are White Champagne & Strawberry Candles in a 500ML mason jars.
I’ve completely run out of wax and fragrance. I’m hoping to do a batch of orange Pumpkin Spice candles and possibly repeat the red Hot Cinnamon candles.
The eCommunity is an active forum/message board where users (who can be people with bipolar or friends or relatives of someone with bipolar) can ask one another questions, share experiences and share helpful information. It’s free to use, open 24 hours and 7 days a week, and goes a long way to reduce isolation people with bipolar can experience.
I regularly check the forum and have posted there and replied to the posts of others. You can access Bipolar UK’s eCommunity here.
My local support group meets once a month. It took a lot for me to go along to a meeting, but I’m so glad I did. Nobody can understand bipolar or a mood disorder as much as someone who lives with it.
The facilitator and all participants of the group that I have met have been really friendly. I have found conversations there to be very useful and learned a lot just by listening and talking to others.
My group isn’t well attended and I think Community Mental Health Teams could do more to promote these local support groups (both in terms of posters/leaflets in waiting rooms and speaking to patients about them). These groups are free to access and go along way to reduce isolation. You can find your local Bipolar Support Group here.
Medication
I’ve recently started on Venlafaxine (antidepressant).
I’ve been in a depressive episode since at least last November. So I’m currently in the process of cross tapering, off Mirtazapine and on to Venlafaxine (NHS). So far the side effects of Venlafaxine have been quite severe. My side effects have included:
Dilated (large) pupils.
Daily headaches.
Being tired but wired.
Waves of nausea & dizziness.
Decreased appetite (not always a bad side effect).
Huge yawns.
Apparently Venlafaxine withdrawal is very severe. So I have two hopes for this medication. One that it improves my mood. Two that it is several years before my brain develops a tolerance and I have to be weaned off it and on to something else.
I was ill for the first few weeks of January. At one point, I took to my bed for three days. As a result, I haven’t finished deciding on or writing up my goals and new experiences for 2017.
But I have started making plans. So far my plans include:
A Big Birthday Bash for Chrys. Still do most of the planning and organising for. Still to source of suitable present.
Finish my tour along Hadrian’s Wall (along with ancient sites of interest) with Simon. Date set. Still to plan in more detail.
My Birthday. Still to sort. My birthday is on a Sunday this year.
Kay & Alex’s Wedding. Hotel booked. Still to buy a new suit and source of suitable present.
An adventure to see Stonehenge, Glastonbury and Amesbury over two days with Simon. Dates set and hotel booked. Further planning needed.
Recently my life has been so hectic. Here’s most of the things I’ve been doing since I last blogged:
I’ve challenged a Fixed Penalty Notice (FPA) that was issued on my car by the local Council. The local Council had wrote to me and asked me to move my car from my private resident car parking space to their carpark for a community event. I did as they requested. They day after the event my car had been issued with a FPA.
I had a spring clean in my bedroom, throwing out 6 bin bags, mostly filled with clothes that don’t fit anymore. I listed 3 suits on Gumtree. They’re practically like new having only be worn once or twice each. I like a new suit for job interviews ideally, but some of the times, I’ve had to buy a new suit due to putting on weight in the years between interviews. There has been a lack of interest on Gumtree, so I’m thinking of seeing if a local homeless charity wants them for their clients.
The UK Nursing & Midwifery Council (NMC) has changed the process for revalidation. Every 3 years, Nurses (such as myself) and Midwives are required to revalidate. Previously the process was to complete a form confirming that you had done the number of practice and learning hours required. Now we are required to:
Complete a practice log to demonstrate completion of the required number of practice hours (450 hours for a Nurse such as myself).
Complete a Continued Professional Development (CPD) log to demonstrate completion of 35 hours of CPD.
Collect 5 pieces of Practice-related feedback.
Writeup 5 reflective accounts.
Have a documented discussion with another NMC Nurse or Midwife.
Declaration of anything that could impair your fitness to practice.
Declaration that you have have the appropriate indemnity insurance cover.
Here’s a video about NMC revalidation:
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So I have been doing some work to collect my evidence for revalidation. I have mixed thoughts about the new revalidation process. Overall I think that it is a good process, but with a few problems that could have been solved if the NMC had thought it through properly. These few problems for me are:
Firstly I think it should have been phased in, so all Nurses and Midwives should have used the old revalidation form and been informed to start collecting the data above for their next revalidation. I’m lucky as I keep paper diaries with details of my working hours. But if a Nurse or Midwife had been using an organisation’s electronic calendar and moved organisations in the last three years, he/she might be unable remember what hours they worked before switching organisations. Same goes for CDP.
Secondly it is very bureaucratic. This is not a problem for Nurses or Midwives that work in the community and can organise their diary to allow time for the revalidation process. But for Nurses or Midwives on busy hospital wards or departments, it is likely they will spend the many hours required to complete the paperwork in their own time. It is also likely that Nurses and Midwives will see it as a purely bureaucratic exercise, so not put the effort into revalidation that the NMC wants. I think it would be better if there were less forms to complete. For example, the NMC could require 3 pieces of practice-related feedback and 3 written reflective accounts, instead of 5 each.
Thirdly I think it’s important to mention money. Nurses and Midwives have to pay £120 per year to maintain their registration. Regardless of their income or level within an organisation. My registration date is the 24th September, but they want all of my revalidation paperwork in and the £120 paid by the 1st September. Moving the date that the payment is required is important because it means that I am paying £120 for closer to 11 months of registration rather than 12 months.
Fourthly the NMC should allow Nurses and Midwives to pay their registration fees up to and on their date of registration expiry. I also think it’s about time that they charge different rates of fees depending on the Nurses or Midwives NHS band of pay. I wouldn’t mind paying more so that junior Nurses pay less.
I’ve given some feedback to my good friend Steve on his novel manuscript. I’ve still got more to read and more feedback to give, but we had to pause the process due to me being so busy.
There’s been a few good job opportunities on NHS Jobs. I applied for two jobs and got interviews for both of them. The first job I was beat because the person who got the job had an addition 5 years experience than me. I asked for feedback and they told me that I did a superb interview. They said that there was nothing that I couldn’t have done any better. That they’d had to make the decision they did purely because the other candidate had more experience. They encouraged me to continue applying for jobs in the field and explained that had the candidates been different that I would have got the job hands down.
The second job I attended the interview, scored the highest, the managers wanted me and argued for two days with HR. HR didn’t want me to be recruited because I had no qualification in mental health. I have the experience but because I’m a Children’s Nurse rather than a Mental Health Nurse, in the end, HR wouldn’t let me be recruited. Again I asked for feedback and again they said there was nothing I could have done better and they encouraged me to keep applying. They stated that I would get eventually get a job in children and young people’s mental health services and that they hoped it would be in their service, as I would be an asset to any service that I joined.
I treated myself to some Witchy goodies:
I ordered a small Dorothy Morrison Wickedly Wonderful Magical Mystery Package before the end of May and got these. Wakin’ The Dead candle and room spray for ancestor work and Forever Mine candle, room spray and oil to bring an endless love into my life. Kindly sold and dispatched by The Angry Cauldron. If you want learn more about the mystery packages, see my blog post here. But be aware that they were only being sold throughout the month of May.
I also bought a Limited Edition Rich Bitch candle and Limited Edition Rich Bitch oil.
Dorothy Morrison has done brilliantly at selecting the right things for each of the three Wickedly Wonderful Magical Mystery Packages I’ve ordered. In this small package photoed above, I’ve got stuff for ancestor work – something that I really need to work on. She’s also sent me Forever Mine love magic products. My love life is a neglected area of my life and something I need to work on. So thank you and well done on selections Dorothy Morrison.
I’ve started casting spells and spell crafting again, after over 5 years of doing nothing. This is because I’ve been inspired by Dorothy Morrison’s products, which have been sent from the USA to the UK by the people at The Angry Cauldron.
I’ve spent time with my gorgeous bengal cats Dylan and Russell. I haven’t shared any photos of them on here for a while, so here’s a photos of them both:
My bengal cat Russell Cat Naps.
My bengal cat Dylan surveys his kingdom.
I’ve seen various family and friends who’ve had birthday’s or have at least sent them out a card.
I’ve attended a range of annual diabetic health appointments including: podiatry, retinopathy screening and an review with my Practice Nurse and GP. Prior to seeing the Practice Nurse and GP I had a fasting blood test. My cholesterol is high, so I’ve been started on statins. Statins to me are associated with people much older than I am, but seen as I have Type 1 diabetes, if statins can bring my cholesterol down they will also bring my blood sugars down. So it’s all good.
A few months ago I woke up with a painful left knee, groin, right shoulder and arm. As the days past the groin, shoulder and arm all got better but the knee didn’t. I ended up going to my GP for stronger painkillers, got referred to a Specialist and have just recently had a MRI scan on my knee. I think it’s probably cartilage damage, but am awaiting an appointment with the Specialist to find out.
The extra painkillers and statin have caused me to write up a drug regimen, so I don’t forget to take any tablets and I’ve just recently ordered a Colourful 7 Day 3 Times In-a-day Rainbow Pill Box to help make remembering to take everything at the right times easier.
I’ve been doing a Contraception module at Uni. Last weekend despite the good weather, I figuratively chained myself to my Mac to write the case study assignment. After editing the assignment over a few evenings, I have now submitted it online. I have till the 20th June to complete my clinical placement portfolio and submit it online.
I recently wrote via email to a private company to express an interest in working for them. By chance they were just about to advertise a Nurse vacancy and said they’d add me to the distribution list. The email came through late this week. Although it sounds like a lovely place to work the job just isn’t well enough paid.
After being told by several members of my family how good ALDI is in terms of price and quality, I decided to give it a go. The food is of a good quality and much fresher than the bigger supermarkets. I’m buying the same things I always buy, but saving around a third on my food shop. Plus ALDI is smaller so I am in and out quicker and I tend to buy much less on impulse.
Having decided to build up my collection of essential oils and because the box I was using to store them in was full, I went looking for a new box to keep them in. I tried searching everywhere online that I could think of (including ebay, Amazon, Etsy & Google Shopping). I searched using every combination of search terms I could think of, loosing count of the number of searches I did. I was looking for a wooden red chest type box to match my other two boxes. But I had no luck.
So I decided that I needed some magical help. I cleaned up the hallway (where it was to go) and used Dorothy Morrison’s Witched Witchin’ Oil and Dorothy Morrison’s Puttin’ on the Witch Oil to draw the box outline on the floor and visualised the box being there in as much detail as possible. A few hours later I stumbled across this lovely box on my first search on ebay for the bargain price of under £10 with delivery:
My new red wooden essential oils chest (1), which was a bargain at under £10 with postage.
My new red wooden essential oils chest (2).
So my darlings, please forgive the lack of blogging recently. As you will know if you’ve managed to read all this post, my life has been super hectic. I’m hoping it will start to quieten down in the next few weeks and then I’ll have more time to blog.
Recently, I had to take an unexpected what-I-call Life Hiatus. My mental health had gradually deteriorated to the point were I was having severe and erratic mood swings. Everyone’s mood fluctuates throughout the day, but not to the extremes I was experiencing.
People talk about good and bad days with depression. I was having good, bad, okay or mixed mood states lasting between 45 minutes to 4-6 hours. These mood swings were unpredictable with no pattern. They didn’t have triggers and were not related to a critical inner voice.
These mood swings were torturous. See My Mood Swing Table below for details of what these mood swings were like.
I felt desperate for the mood swings to end. To the point of having suicidal ideation and a clear plan of action.
I had thought that I was objective about my mental health. But because the mood swings had gradually got worse I hadn’t realised how unwell I was. I sought help because three people close to me said that I wasn’t well. Luckily I had these people around me and knew that could trust them, even if I couldn’t trust myself.
So I went to my local A&E. I was assessed by a Mental Health Nurse and together we decided that I needed admission. I stayed on the A&E Ward overnight, whilst I waited for an available bed on a mental health ward.
The next evening, I was transferred to a mental health ward. On arrival at the ward, my possessions were searched and Nursing Staff took my shoe laces, belt, hoodie (due to cord in hood), phone charger, lighters and medication. The ward layout was a square shaped main corridor with dormitories, individual rooms and many other rooms that where behind locked doors.
The first night was frightening. Everything about the place was frightening. The environment. The locked doors. The routine. The rules I hadn’t been told. The other patients. The staff. I even found my own mood swings frightening. At one point, I was physically shaking uncontrollably due to the fear and anxiety.
I was assessed by a Psychiatrist and commenced on 10 minute observations. It would be a few days before I was reviewed. At the time, I couldn’t understand why they appeared to be doing very little to help me and my state of mind. But afterwards, I realised that they had wanted to observe me and see my mood swings for themselves.
The Consultant Psychiatrist diagnosed me with a ‘Mood Disorder.’ Here is a definition of a ‘mood disorder:’
mood disorder – noun
a psychological disorder characterized by the elevation or lowering of a person’s mood, such as depression or bipolar disorder.
(From: Google, Last Accessed: Friday 27th November 2015.)
The Consultant Psychiatrist informed me that they were reluctant to give a more specific diagnosis on the first admission to a mental health ward. I told the Consultant Psychiatrist that I didn’t care what they called it, as long as they gave me some medication that worked. I explained that with some stability in mood, I could make further psychological and behavioural changes to help myself to get well and stay well.
I was started on Quetiapine, an antipsychotic and mood stabiliser medication. It was to help to take the edge off my mood swings and give me some stability of mood. I was also started on Mirtazapine, an antidepressant. This was to help to manage the depression/low moods.
Overall, I was an in-patient on the mental health ward for about 12 days. During this time, my Mum and good friend Steve were superb. They took over all my responsibilities and made sure that everything in the outside world was sorted, meaning that I didn’t have to worry about anything – apart from getting better.
I will never be able to thank Mum and Steve enough for what they have done for me, but I have repeatedly thanked them anyway. I will never be able to explain how much I appreciate them for everything that they have done for me, but I have tried to explain anyway.
I feel that I got to this crisis point because I waited so long to get referred to and assessed by Community Mental Health Services. It feels like Community Mental Health Services are designed to keep people out, rather than let people in to get the help and support that they need and in most cases are asking for. This is probably because of a lack of resources in mental health services. But this really doesn’t help and support people with mental health problems to get and stay well.
I have been discharged from the hospital and am and engaged with Community Mental Health Services. Recovery will be a slow and progressive one. I am taking the medication as prescribed, attending appointments with community services and setting myself daily goals that I am currently achieving.
Write soon,
Antony
My Mood Swing Table
Highs
Okays
Lows
Mixed Mood States
Physical Symptoms
High energy levels.
Very productive.
Difficulty in getting/staying asleep.
Head aches.
Speaking Quickly.
Hypersexualised.
Relatively symptom free. Considering the extreme High and Low physical symptoms.
Exhaustion – despite sleeping for many, many hours.
Back pain and stomach pain that doesn’t resolve with appropriate treatments.
Head aches.
Constipation.
Physical anxiety symptoms: raised pulse and blood pressure.
A mix of high, low and okay physical symptoms to varying degrees of severity.
Mental / Cognitive Symptoms
Racing thoughts – lots of ideas, but struggling to focus on one for long enough.
Difficulty in concentrating.
A rush of ideas for creative projects.
Saying whatever I think without considering the implications of what I’m saying.
Grandiose thinking – Thinking I can do anything to a level beyond the level of an expert.
Thinking that I understand things on a much deeper level than everyone else.
Short-term memory loss.
Insomnia and night terrors.
Slower mental and cognitive functioning, compared to when I was well.
Limited/no concentration span.
Short-term memory loss.
Critical inner voice.
Thoughts about what other people negatively think about me.
Insomnia and night terrors.
Concern about loosing my mind.
A mix of high, low and okay mental / cognitive symptoms to varying degrees of severity.
Concern about loosing my mind.
Concern about what mood would come next and its severity.
Emotional Symptoms
Excessively joyful with no reason for this state of mood.
Super confident. Loads of self-esteem.
Excessively excited again without reason.
Feeling like I can do anything.
Feeling frustrated or irritable without a reason.
Varying levels of anxiety, from worried to outright panic.
Void of any emotion.
Zombified. Feeling like what I imagine a zombie feels like.
Going through the motions.
Despair and hopelessness.
No confidence and rockbottom self-esteem.
Feeling frustrated or irritable without a reason.
Feeling like I am falling down a dark bottomless pit.
Feeling guilt, inadequacy and feeling like a failure.
Varying levels of anxiety, from worried to outright panic.
Desperation – wanting the mental and emotional anguish to end.
Feeling like my mind, body and soul are being devoured and destroyed.
A mix of high, low and okay emotional symptoms to varying degrees of severity.
Behavioural Examples
Being super productive.
Being overtly social.
Take on too many commitments, thinking that I can do everything.
Impulsive behaviours – including excessive shopping, even when I don’t have the money.
Unfinished tasks – sometimes being unable to focus for long enough on tasks to complete them.
Able to function, but only just.
Loss of interest in leisure activities.
Unable to watch TV, read or do other leisure activities.
Overeating or forcing myself to eat despite having no appetite.
Poor personal hygiene.
No motivation.
Reckless spending of money – mostly through online shopping.
Social anxiety – isolating myself and avoiding social situations.
A mix of high, low and okay behaviours to varying degrees of severity.
Are you a Doctor, Nurse, Healthcare Assistant or Other Healthcare Professional? Or a Student?
Ways The Human Body Can Go Wrong covers every system of the body, what can go wrong when the body malfunctions or fails, symptoms (including why these happen) and cures/treatments available.
It includes knowledge around essential skills for Clinical Excellence such as Assessment, All Age Observational Norms, Models of Care, Communication/Handover Tips, the role of Specialities, Medication Tips, Dealing with Errors, Documentation Advice and a list of Useful Resources.
It is written in plain English, but highlights important medical terminology. It has been written at a level where someone from a non-medical background can pick it up and learn, but that it is still valuable to those with significant Clinical Experience.
My dear friend Roy decided to follow in his family’s footsteps and enlist in the Royal Navy.
I wanted to maintain our friendship, to continue to support Roy, to make him laugh and to entertain him. So I came up with the idea of sending him a weekly email on random topics.
These emails were on a variety of topics, always being entertaining, sometimes being interesting, sometimes funny and occasionally being serious.
Topics included: Jokes, Puzzles, Inspirational Quotes, Future Technology to Be Excited About, How to Fight A Shark, How to Woo A Turtle, Some of the Most Amazing Jobs in the World, Facts About Castles, Do Aliens Exist?, The Kindest Humans, A List of Cakes, 13 Weird Body Facts, 20 Super Space Facts, Ancient Egyptian Curses, 10 Weird Olympic Games, The Great Emu War of 1932, Quiz: Flags of the World, Legendary Characters from the UK and others.
My Royal Navy Friend is a copy of these emails. In total, there are 52 emails. Dispersed throughout the book are also Royal Navy facts and stories.
This workbook has been designed for anyone that is struggling with alcohol or has struggled with alcohol in the past.
It is written in a Motivational Interviewing style, one of the key therapies used to support people with alcohol issues. It has been designed using a trauma-informed approach and is strength–based.
What you will find in this book is more than just worksheets about alcohol. You’ll find all the tools someone needs to get into recovery from alcohol and stay there. It’s a therapy-based book, not an alcohol-based book.
SpellCast is a comprehensive compendium of spells, oils, charms and talismans. It is purely a book about magic, folk magic for the 21st century. The spells are ones that are tried and tested, with some that will stand the test of time.
In SpellCast you will read about the power of Instant Magic, of Banishment & Bindings, Blessings, Cleansing, Communication, Death, Employment, Finance & Money, Fertility, Friendship, Happiness & Joy, Health, Love & Relationships, Luck Magic, Protection, Transformative Magic and WishCraft.
This book will change your life. Your life will be abundant in all meanings of the word.
This book contains everything that you need to know about mental health and mental illness. Mental Health Wisdom is divided into three sections.
Understanding is section one and is all about the facts of mental health.
In section two, Empathy Through Lived Experience, the author shares his personal experience of mental illness.
Life Hacks is section three. It’s all about self-care and quick and easy ways to improve your mental health, prevent mental illness or relapse of mental illness.
Mental Health Wisdom contains everything that you need to know about mental health and mental illness.
Mental Health Wisdom is divided into three sections.
Understanding is section one and is all about the facts of mental health.
In section two, Empathy Through Lived Experience, the author shares his personal experience of mental illness.
Life Hacks is section three. It’s all about self-care and quick and easy ways to improve your mental health, prevent mental illness or relapse of mental illness.
If you find my blog educational or entertaining, please consider making a purchase or donation on Ko-Fi.
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