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My First Fishing Trip

By Friends & Family, Happiness & Joy, NatureNo Comments
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The Fishery

 My mum’s getting married next week to a lovely man named Ian.

Sometime ago Ian asked me to be his best man, to which I agreed. But what could I do his Stag Do considering he doesn’t drink and nor do I? I thought to myself.

Then I came up with the idea of a fishing trip. Ian likes fishing, as does Neil, my big brother. Besides which, I’ve always said that at least once in my life I’d like to catch a fish, so here was an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone*.

So a few weekends ago, we set off to a fishery somewhere near Morecambe and Lancaster. On arrival we were greeted by the Warden who was in his fifties, had dishevled hair, a beer belly and clothes that looked like they hadn’t been washed in quite sometime.

The Warden staggered towards our car, can of Carling in hand and then stood there swaying. Ian showed him our booking form, but he looked at it as if he either was trying to get it in focus or couldn’t read it. He directed us to the Head Office, instead of Reception where we collected our keys to the static caravan. On the way to our caravan, we saw that the Warden lived just three caravans away.

As I enjoyed a coffee and cigarette on a picnic bench in front of the caravan with Ian, the Warden drove past in a Jeep, giving me an intense stir – the sort I imagine serial killers give to their intended victims. The Warden came to a stop on the road opposite our caravan and continued to stir.

Ian went over to speak to him through the Jeep window. He said in the creepiest tone of voice possible: ‘Do you know who I am?’
‘Yes the Warden.’ Ian replied.
The Warden wound up his window, gave me a long hard stir and then slowly drove off.

During that stir I imagined that he was planning to rape me (after all, I was easily the prettiest on the site and the closest to being a woman), murder me and chop my body into pieces to feed to the fish. This sounds a little dramatic and like I’m trying to make this part of the story funny – but he really did freak me out.

So I called Neil, told him the situation and that he’d better get here before dark. I told him: This is how horror films start! That night we all chatted, played Harry Potter Top Trumps and Superhero Top Trumps, with Neil coming out as the victor.

Later, as the weekend wore on, I became slightly more relaxed about this encounter wih the Warden telling Ian and Neil with a smile: ‘Listen it’s alright for you two. You’re old, either bald or going bald. I’m the jail bait in the static caravan.’

The next day, after a big cooked breakfast was the fishing. I caught the first and by far the biggest with Ian’s kind help. There’s so much innuendo in fishing terminology; I was figuratively rolling on the floor laughing the whole weekend. Phrases like: Keep tight hold of the rod. Bait me up. Owe…what a lovely little tiddler.

Here are some photos from the day’s fishing:

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Mother Duck and her Ducklings – But that isn’t what we came for.
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Ian & Neil in their fishing gear.
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Me in my fishing gear…I hate to say it…but I’m like the Tiger Woods of the Fishing World LOL.
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This is exactly how I imagined fishing to be.
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The first and biggest fish of the weekend – caught by me with help from Ian.
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A close up of the big fish…definitely bigger than a gold fish.
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The fish I was most proud of catching. My first fishI caught all by myself. Isn’t it a lovely little ‘tiddler?’

On Sunday, being still in recovery, I was exhausted. So while the boys went out fishing, I took it easy reading The Humans by Matt Haig. It’s an awesome book that I’ll be writing a review on when I’ve finished reading it. In the late afternoon we headed back home.

We all enjoyed the trip so much, that it is to become an annual event. Known in the family as ‘The Annual Fishing Trip.’ I love that the time spent male bonding brings us closer together as a family.

Write soon,

Antony

* No birds, fish, ducks or other animals were harmed by Ian, Neil or myself during the trip. However the odd human stranger did push his luck and came very close to being maimed.



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Thursday 25 June 2015

Book Review: A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

By Amazon, Books & Authors, ReviewsNo Comments
a-million-little-pieces-james-frey-book-cover A Million Little Pieces by James Frey is addictive like crack cocaine. Once you pick it up and start reading, you’ll find it near impossible to put back down.

From the cover:

Aged just twenty-three, James Frey had destroyed his body and his mind almost beyond repair. When he enters a rehabilitation centre to try to reclaim his life, he has to fight to determine what future, if any, he has. His lack of self-pity, cynicism and piety gives him an unflinching honesty – a fearless candour that is at once charming and appalling, searing and darkly funny.

(From: Frey, 2004)

Frey takes the reader on his rollercoaster of a journey to recovery from alcohol and drug addiction. It starts with him waking up on a plane with no memory of how he got there, what happened to his face or where he’s going.

A Million Little Pieces is set during Frey’s stay in rehab; is well paced and has plenty of tension, conflict and resolution. Both internally and externally. He recalls memories of his dysfunctional and chaotic alcohol and drug using past.

Stylistically A Million Little Pieces lacked speech marks, but this was possibly deliberate. Not having speech marks was a noticeable stylistic change to the normal layout of a book. Frey was probably using this to subtly hint that his story wasn’t like the story of most people. Frey’s lack of dialogue tags was generally acceptable, but on the odd occasion where Frey had written a scene with a group of people, it did get difficult to establish who had said what.

Towards the end of A Million Little Pieces it began to feel fictional. As I was coming to the end of the book and had enjoyed reading it, I decided to look into other books that Frey had written.

After doing a Google Search, I discovered the story of A Million Little Pieces and understood why it felt fictional – because parts of it were.

A Million Little Pieces was commercially hugely successful both in the US and internationally after being featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show. But then The Smoking Gun revealed in an article titled ‘A Million Little Lies’ that some of Frey’s claims around his criminal past didn’t match up with court records.

Oprah had to respond to these revelations and interviewed Frey on a few occasions. The most recent, a few years after A Million Little Pieces was exposed as being in part fictional is available to watch below:

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I can understand while some people felt lied to, as A Million Little Pieces was promoted and marketed as a memoir.

But I wasn’t in the slightest bit surprised that some of A Million Little Pieces was fact and some was fiction. Because that’s how it read. Who wouldn’t change some of their past if they had the chance? Don’t we all do that all the time? Change things to make them sound better or worse than they actually are with the aim of making our stories more interesting to our friends, family, co-workers, etc. Can we really blame Frey for doing the same for the reader?

Regardless A Million Little Pieces is still a great read. Worth reading if you are interested in addiction, crime, alcohol, drugs, rehab and recovery. Just hold on is a phrase often repeated in the book and was a phrase that I adopted when I was suffering from severe clinical depression.

My Friend Leonard is the follow up book and picks up where A Million Little Pieces ended. I’m currently reading My Friend Leonard and enjoying it just as much as I did A Million Little Pieces.

A Million Little Pieces by James Frey is available to buy on Amazon.

Review soon,

Antony

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Thursday 11 June 2015

Finally…in Recovery and getting Back to Life

By Health, Life, ThinkingNo Comments
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Me Drinking Coffee. Slowly Getting Back to Life 🙂

 In January, everything stopped. I stopped being able to function and was ill. The truth is that I had been ill for a long time before this, but that I had continued to solider on – hoping that I would start to feel better.

Here were some of my symptoms:
Tick Box Bullet Point No concentration span. I wasn’t able to watch TV or films, read or write. I didn’t feel safe to drive, so I didn’t.
Tick Box Bullet Point Short term memory loss.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling constantly exhausted despite sleeping for many, many hours.
Tick Box Bullet Point Some insomnia and night terrors.
Tick Box Bullet Point Back pain – despite resting and regularly completing physiotherapy exercises.
Tick Box Bullet Point Head aches.
Tick Box Bullet Point Stomach ache/constipation despite eating a reasonably good diet.
Tick Box Bullet Point Poor personal hygiene and not cleaning my home environment.
Tick Box Bullet Point Overeating or forcing myself to eat despite feeling that I didn’t want to.

Tick Box Bullet Point No motivation – I found it extremely difficult and tiring to do the smallest of tasks.
Tick Box Bullet Point Reckless spending of money – mostly through online shopping.
Tick Box Bullet Point Any extremely variable mood which changed throughout the day and night. From being void of any feelings to a tornado of fast swirling feelings including: guilt, inadequacy and feeling like a failure.
Tick Box Bullet Point Anxiety – resulting in becoming antisocial and finding it difficult to leave home.
Tick Box Bullet Point Worry and panic about what people would think of me.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling hopeless, which is the worst feeling in the world.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling like I was loosing my mind.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling like I was falling down a dark bottomless pit.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling frustrated at not being able to snap out of it and that nothing I did made a difference to how I felt or my ability to function.
Tick Box Bullet Point Overly self-critical thoughts and zero self esteem. A critical inner voice that was loud and repetitive.
Tick Box Bullet Point At two particularly bad points I suffered from compulsions to end my life.
Tick Box Bullet Point In short, feeling like my mind, body and soul were being devoured and destroyed by this illness.

So I went to see my GP who completed the PHQ depression test and diagnosed me with severe clinical depression. At several points throughout my treatment, this test was repeated to check on my progress. At one point, I was scoring 24 out of a possible 27. My GP started me on antidepressants and encouraged me to self-refer for counselling.

The first antidepressant didn’t work, despite gradually increasing the dose to the maximum. Apparently this is really common, happening to at least 50% of people. So my GP gradually withdrew the first antidepressant and then started me on another – which thankfully is working. I self-referred to counselling, had an assessment and to this date am still on the waiting list.

January to May has felt like a write-off in every sense of the word. But I feel extremely lucky to have made it through this dark and difficult time. What’s that phrase? Ah yes…I believe I made it through by the skin on my teeth.

Looking back, I’ve had depressive tendencies for at least the last few years. I’ve been rubbish at spotting the symptoms in myself, but am much more aware of signs, symptoms and triggers now.

I’m still in recovery and it is a gradual process. I’m still on the antidepressants and will be for sometime. I’ve started taking multivitamins to make sure my body and mind is getting what it needs. But now I’m feeling good, better than I have felt in years. I’ve even started laughing again, proper belly laughs, which I haven’t done for what feels like forever.

Now I’m getting back to life. I’ve thanked those close to me for their support, love, care and kindness. I’ve gone back to work and realised that I have the most brilliant, amazing and fantastic work colleagues. They’ve been so supportive and I feel so lucky to work with such wonderful people.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Friday 22 May 2015

Mental Health Focus: Treatment & Recovery

By HealthNo Comments

Each week throughout January I’ve written a Mental Health Focus to help #EndTheStigma around mental health and to encourage others to talk openly and honestly about their own mental health. These posts have been partly inspired by Ruby Wax’s TED Talk (see 5 Brilliant TED Talks About Mental Health) and partly by the Time To Change Campaign.

In this blog post I want to write about treatment options and discuss recovery.

Treatment Options
Treatment options vary depending on the individual, but may include:

  • Medications – such as antidepressants, anti-anxiety, mood stabilisers, antipsychotics or other medications to manage associated symptoms (such as sedatives in the short term to help a person sleep if they have been suffering with insomnia). This may be one medication or a combination of different medications.
  • Talking Therapies – such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), counselling or psychotherapy.
  • A combination of medication(s) and talking therapies.

Treatments maybe prescribed by a GP or by the GP making a referral on to services that provide Talking Therapies. For most people they will be treated in their community.

Only people with severely poor mental health, usually where they are deemed a risk to themselves or others maybe treated as an inpatient on a hospital ward. This hospital admission might be on a voluntary basis or by sectioning someone under the Mental Health Act (1983).

Recovery
This is what the Mental Health Foundation write about recovery:

In mental health, recovery does not always refer to the process of complete recovery from a mental health problem in the way that we may recover from a physical health problem.

What is recovery?
For many people, the concept of recovery is about staying in control of their life despite experiencing a mental health problem. Professionals in the mental health sector often refer to the ‘recovery model’ to describe this way of thinking.
Putting recovery into action means focusing care on supporting recovery and building the resilience of people with mental health problems, not just on treating or managing their symptoms.

There is no single definition of the concept of recovery for people with mental health problems, but the guiding principle is hope – the belief that it is possible for someone to regain a meaningful life, despite serious mental illness. Recovery is often referred to as a process, outlook, vision, conceptual framework or guiding principle.

(From: Mental Health Foundation, Last Accessed: 31st December 2014.)

I have recovered from past episodes of poor mental health, as have other people I know. Although I have recovered from these episodes, I know that I have to keep a close eye on my mental and emotional health.

Some people have more difficulty with recovery than others. My hope is that as medical research improves our understanding of how the brain functions, this will improve our treatments of mental health conditions – meaning people with mental health conditions will suffer less, that it will be easier for them to recover and that they will spend more of their lives in recovery.

This is my last Mental Health Focus blog post. I’m sure that as time goes on, I’ll write about mental health again. How do you manage your own mental and emotional health? Leave a comment below.

And remember…
If you are experiencing an episode of poor mental health, two useful websites are: Mind and SANE. If you are feeling suicidal please visit your nearest A&E Department for crisis support.

Blog soon,

Antony

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I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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Thursday 29 January 2015
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