The other night the ex friend with benefits came round for a brew. I’m not sure I like the term ex friend with benefits for him anymore, so from now on he shall be known as JB.
The history between us is that I wanted at a relationship and all he could offer was benefits (which was nice, but not completely fulfiling). I got with my most recent expartner and then when I became single he got back intouch wanting to date. We went on a date (see Harry Potter and Weirdness) which was weird. I had an honest conversation with him about staying simply friends.
Last time he came round I gave him a tarrot reading using some gay tarrot cards. I saw he was going to grow and develop work wise and move home (which was all good for him as was part of his grand plan). Then I saw a man for him. The man had Earth energy (meaning he would be grounded, sensible, solid and stable). This would suit JB as he has a very airy energy (meaning he is very logical, methological, processes and systems based, he also had a creative side – when he chooses to utilise it).
Somehow I ended up lay on his chest with him talking about his life, his feelings and how they have changed over the years. He then said: “Cards on the table. I like you. I am sortof holding on hoping you’ll change your mind about us. I don’t want to pressure you…”
In honesty I don’t know how I feel about him. I don’t want to influence him or his potential future. But how can you have any social interaction without influencing someone? Is that not what a social interaction is?
I still have some hurt about him orignally not wanting a relationship. I know I shouldn’t and I should let it go – but heck recognising how you feel is the first step to dealing with the feelings. I think I also am worried that if we tried it, and I invested emotions, what happens when this earthy man comes in to his life?
I did enjoy our evening. There was something about us both being honest about our thoughts and feelings that was very comfortable (I could have stayed up chatting with me lay on his chest all night) and kindof a massive turn on.
He wants to come round and make tea at mine. I guess I’m one never to turn down a free meal, but hopefully I’ll be less confused about the whole complicated situation by the time I see him.
Take care,
Antony x
