Skip to main content

Cards on the table

By Monday 7 September 2009Friends & Family, Love & Relationships

The other night the ex friend with benefits came round for a brew. I’m not sure I like the term ex friend with benefits for him anymore, so from now on he shall be known as JB.

The history between us is that I wanted at a relationship and all he could offer was benefits (which was nice, but not completely fulfiling). I got with my most recent expartner and then when I became single he got back intouch wanting to date. We went on a date (see Harry Potter and Weirdness) which was weird. I had an honest conversation with him about staying simply friends.

Last time he came round I gave him a tarrot reading using some gay tarrot cards. I saw he was going to grow and develop work wise and move home (which was all good for him as was part of his grand plan). Then I saw a man for him. The man had Earth energy (meaning he would be grounded, sensible, solid and stable). This would suit JB as he has a very airy energy (meaning he is very logical, methological, processes and systems based, he also had a creative side – when he chooses to utilise it).

Somehow I ended up lay on his chest with him talking about his life, his feelings and how they have changed over the years. He then said: “Cards on the table. I like you. I am sortof holding on hoping you’ll change your mind about us. I don’t want to pressure you…”

In honesty I don’t know how I feel about him. I don’t want to influence him or his potential future. But how can you have any social interaction without influencing someone? Is that not what a social interaction is?

I still have some hurt about him orignally not wanting a relationship. I know I shouldn’t and I should let it go – but heck recognising how you feel is the first step to dealing with the feelings. I think I also am worried that if we tried it, and I invested emotions, what happens when this earthy man comes in to his life?

I did enjoy our evening. There was something about us both being honest about our thoughts and feelings that was very comfortable (I could have stayed up chatting with me lay on his chest all night) and kindof a massive turn on.

He wants to come round and make tea at mine. I guess I’m one never to turn down a free meal, but hopefully I’ll be less confused about the whole complicated situation by the time I see him.

Take care,

Antony x

Share on Social Media:

Sign up to my monthly newsletter:


  • Mike says:

    Having him around in an intimate setting is clearly confusing. I can well understand why you might feel hurt. I think you don’t need me to tell you to take the time to think and decide what you want. But if this Earthy man you have foreseen is coming, or you decide to make a go of it, your current paradigm cannot continue.

    A civilised dinner might be an ideal time to talk; as you put it any interaction will have influence whether he seeks to pressure you or not.

    Keep us updated, please.


  • Antony says:

    Yeah, clearly confusing for both of us!

    I think a dinner can be quite intimate. Gotta have a conversation with him and then will blog about the dinner.


    A x

  • Sye says:

    I agree with Mike, although I would like to add that Tarot cards are not the definative, if you were in a confusing situation that might have come through on the reading, leading to a shakey result. I guess what I’m saying is, take that reading with a pinch of salt.

    On the other hand if there is a connection between the two of you, maybe something he was feeling or you were feeling could have effected the outcome of the reading, sublte energies could have been at play? don’t rule our these possabilities.

    From reading your post is looks like your hangups are mostly in the past, and while they are justified (you certainly don’t want to get hurt again, so its natural to put up some defenses) maybe instead of keeping them as inhibiting barriers, you could keep them with you as a safety net while you see where things go with JB. Hmm, a bit clearer I think… ..knowing now what you know has happened before doesn’t have to stop things from happening, the knowledge can serve to make you aware of what could happen again without being hurt again.

    Remember; If you take a chance in life, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. But if you don’t take a chance, nothing happens.

Leave a Reply