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Love & Relationships

An Unsent Letter

By Life, Love & RelationshipsNo Comments

I’ve mentioned before that I find writing this blog theraputic (see My Writing Process – for some of my better blog posts). Sometimes it seems we can’t say what we feel to people but we feel that we need to express this emotion. So I decided a month ago to write an unsent letter.

The idea is basically that you write a letter to the person expressing how you feel, but you don’t actually send it. So a month ago today, I wrote this letter:

Dear name,

Before we met I had noticed you and it seems that you had noticed me too. I was attracted to your deep dark eyes that showed your caring, playful nature and your beautiful body. We met and chatted, you were full of dreams and aspirations. Things started to develop, at times you confused me, did my head in but my heart always loved you. We had an intimate night in which I felt my heart explode with emotions of joy. The truth is that I often relive that night in my mind, the rollercoaster of emotions I felt and then remember that life got in the way.

I care for you deeply and have a desire for you to find happiness. It is obvious that in my ideal world it would be with me. But this is not an ideal world and you are not with me.

You have become part of the gay culture in Manchester. You seem to have taken on their values, that gay men are to be used for sex. This was confirmed when you sent that facebook message saying I should fuck you, even though you have a boyfriend. Where has the caring, playful and full of aspiration name gone? It seems you have no aspirations other to be in this relationship you are in. Where has the idea of going to Uni gone? Where’s the contact with your family that you highly valued at one time?

I guess change in people is inevitable. Just try and stay true to that lovely guy you were when I first met you.

With all my love always,

Antony

I deliberately removed the name, but he will know who he is. This is partly because he will recognise our unique relationship and partly because I accidently-on-purpose sent the letter over Facebook.

Did I miss the point of this exercise? Well no. You see this person and I don’t talk often any more, so what did I have to loose?

He replied about a day later via text:
Idk [I don’t know] what to say. X
I replied:
I’d sussed that. I needed to express how I feel. I wasn’t gonna send it then I thought what hav I got to loose? We dnt tlk anymore. A x x x

A day or so later we bumped in to each other and talked. It came out that he likes me but that he felt hurt from what happened last time. I can understand that. And in honesty, it was my fault. I messed up. There was a lot going round in my head at the time and a lot going on in my life.

I don’t know what I expected him to say? I know what I’d of liked him to say – that was in the letter. I am pleased he read it and I’m pleased that he let me know how he felt and feels. I guess that’s all I could of asked for.

Take care,

Antony

The song I was listening to when I wrote the letter:

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Need to talk to you

By Friends & Family, Love & Relationships2 Comments

Text sent:
What are your plans for Saturday? 🙂

Text recieved:
Not sure but will discuss it when I call, need to talk to you

So I called the date who shall remain nameless. He said that he wanted to develop a friendship rather than a relationship. This is fine. We’d only seen each other a few times, so nothing was really invested. No risk, no gain, apparently. I like to stay friends with all those people I’ve dated (not that there’s been that many!), so that’s good.

He did invite me to the cinemas on Saturday, which we’d orignally intended to be our second date. So I declined. I explained that we needed to keep clear boundaries and maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but another time?

I thanked him for our date as I genunially enjoyed it. In reflection it also increased my confidence, just to know that someone was interested in me and it proved I was still able to attract the interest.

Write soon,

Antony

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So, how did it go?

By Happiness & Joy, Love & RelationshipsNo Comments

The question on everybody’s lips at work was “So, how did it go? This ofcourse refers to the date I had on Saturday (see I have a date on Saturday). Yeah, it seems that when I’ve got news I have a need to tell everyone, probably why partly I write this blog.

I arrived to his for the date early and I now know his secret of how he looks so good. The amount of creams he puts on his face, I must get some of them. Delicious food (especially the carot cake), good company and wine. What more could a boy ask for?

After dinner we went for a few drinks and met some of his friends, they were lovely. We bumped in to one of his sort-of-ex’s. Don’t ask, it’s complicated. They spoke briefly and that was that. On the way home I did ask my date (who still remains nameless) if he still had a thing for this sort-of-ex. I was asking this question for two reasons, one to better understand their relationship and his feelings about it and two to establish if he was still hung up on him.

He’d had a few drinks, but was by no means plastered and he turned to me and said
“He is attractive. He is in the sex box. But you are attractive too and have an amazing personality and soo much more…” This was a big confidence boost, although not asked for. I wasn’t asking what he thought of me but nonetheless he told me.

It must have gone well because we’ve been texting about setting up another date. I’m secretly excited, but if you tell anyone you may have to be killed. Don’t know what we’ll do yet, probably the cinemas. I haven’t forgotton about my weekly X Factor post, shall do it and hopefully have it published before next Saturday.

Am going watching Pink on Sunday, so shall post the photos after.

Blog soon,

Antony

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I have a date on Saturday

By Love & RelationshipsNo Comments

I am excited to be going for a meal in a fancy resturant with a man who shall remain nameless. It is technically not the first time I have seen him. Two nights this week I have been round at his for brews. He is lovely, caring, friendly, funny (at times) and very sexy.

We’ve had some relatively deep conversations and I have let slip things about myself that I wouldn’t normally let slip. I just can’t seem to control my mouth when I am around him. For example I said I’d miss him. And he picked up on it and said “Awwe. Your going to miss me?” To which I replied:
“No. forget I said that. It just slipped out.”

So yes, I am infactuated. I learned that the ex didn’t do my confidence any good. As I repeatedly said to this man if he wanted to cancel the date he could and just let me know on text if he didn’t want to tell me face to face. I also told him I don’t know what he sees in me. I don’t think that I’m unattractive but nore attractive. A friend told me off, and rightly so. How can I expect anyone else to like me if I don’t? I explained to this man why I had said these things and stated that I wouldn’t say them anymore. To which he replied “Good.”

The theory is that your brain is like a spounge, tell it something enough times and it will believe it. So here goes:
I am a good-looking, attractive, sexy young man. One who is caring, considerate, funny, mad (but in a good way) and an individual. I have a lot to offer in a relationship.

I intend to get my hair cut tomorrow and make myself look good. The only question now, what to wear?

Blog soon,

Antony

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