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1 Life Lesson I’ve Learned for Every Year of My Adult Life

By ThinkingNo Comments

Life is about growth through learning and experience. So here’s 1 lesson life has taught me for every year of my adult live:

Age 18 – The importance of good and lifelong friendships. What makes a good friend including care, kindness, a sense of humour and loyalty.

Age 19 – The importance of having joy in my life. Creating opportunities for joy, seeking it out and chasing it are all essential activities for me.

Madame Tussaunds Blackpool on a thrown

Me on a thrown

Antony-Simpson-Writer

Me

Age 20 – That I’m never going to please everyone. Not everyone will like me or get me. That doesn’t mean I should stop trying. If I can make somebody laugh with a funny story or a joke, I’m going to do it. The smile or laughter is always worth it for me.

I just accept that not everyone is going to be pleased with what I do or don’t do. As long as I am happy with my intentions, actions and omissions, that’s good enough for me.

Age 21 – A diagnosis of a chronic illness (in my case type 1 diabetes) starts with grief. I mourned the loss of my working pancreas and cursed my faulty immune system.

Age 22 – Independence is extremely important to me. Getting my driving licence and being smothered in a relationship both helped me to realise this.

Age 23 – In the outside world many people are far to happy to psychologically tear strips off you. So inside your home should feel safe, full of compassion and be filled with a feeling of care. How I felt at home when I was younger and buying my own apartment helped me to realise this.

Age 24 – Sometimes I just have to do certain things, otherwise I’d always wonder What if?

Heartbreak sometimes heals with the passage of time. A lot of time. More than days, weeks or months. Years. Sometimes even longer than that.

Sometimes the heart doesn’t heal at all, it just scabs over like a scraped knee. Ready for you to pick at it or for something to come along and reopen the wound.

Age 25 – Not everyone gets to live a full and long life. This feels unfair. Life is precious.

The shock of an unexpected death is a thousand times worse than the grief of the loss. It is spiritually, mentally and emotionally exhausting. The disbelief that comes from the shock can last years and make it impossible to grief.

Age 26 – There’s something magic about new babies and they smell totally awesome.

Age 27 – The past is a nice place to visit, the future is a nice place to imagine, but you shouldn’t live in either of them. Live in the present.

Age 28 – The extreme highs and lows of mood I’ve had since my teenage years are not normal. Most people have a pretty stable mood.

Mood stabiliser and antidepressant medications saved more than just my mind, they saved my life.

Age 29 – Travel broadens my mind, fills my heart with goodness and strengthens my soul. If you have the opportunity to travel do. I learned this through visiting India, which has a special place in my heart.

IndiaJuly2015-TajMahal-8

Me with the Taj Mahal in the background (2).

Age 30 – Creativity enriches every aspect of myself. Stories (written, films, etc.) ignite my imagination and develop my empathy. Art and sculptures help me appreciate the beauty that the creators saw in the world around them or in their mind. Music helps me to feel and gives me the opportunity to dance.

To create something, whatever it is, is a learning process. Sometimes creative projects go well, other times not. But I always learn things from them. The process of creating something makes me feel alive and all lit up – even if it’s just a blog post like this one.

To share something I’ve created with the world makes me super-anxious. But when somebody tells me that my creative project has had some sort emotional resonance with them it becomes a privilege.

soulmates-cover-page

Soulmates (Short Story)

The Finished Product: My homemade candles look great (1).

The Finished Product: Just 1 of the 22 completed (unlit).

The Good Teen (Short Story)

Age 31 – When you do something you love for a job, it doesn’t feel like work. It feels like a vocation and a passion.

Write soon,

Antony

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Book Review: How To Be Human – The Manual by Ruby Wax

By Amazon, Books & Authors, ReviewsNo Comments
ruby-wax-how-to-be-human-book-cover
View on Amazon.co.uk
Ruby Wax’s latest book is called How To Be Human – The Manual. It’s insightful, funny, warm and engaging. A pleasure to read. It’s like somebody is pouring wisdom into your head while you’re having a chat with them.

Each chapter covers a topic and is wittily written by Wax. For each chapter Wax has consulted with Ash Ranpura, a Neuroscientist and Gelong Thubten, a Buddhist Monk.

At the end of each chapter are fascinating transcripts of these discussions. Interspersed throughout How To Be Human Wax shares some of her own mental illness story.

So what exactly does Wax cover in How To Be Human? Pretty much everything. Here is each chapter title:

  • Evolution
  • Thoughts
  • Emotions
  • The Body
  • Compassion
  • Relationships
  • Sex
  • Kids
  • Addiction
  • The Future
  • Mindfulness Exercises
  • Forgiveness

How To Be Human builds on the strong foundations of Wax’s two previously published books: Sane New World – Taming the Mind, which I have reviewed here and A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled, which I have reviewed here.

You can also learn more about Wax by reading her autobiography How Do You Want Me?, which I have reviewed here.

How To Be Human is available to buy on Amazon and at all good book shops.

Review soon,

Antony

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The Cycle of Life

By Life, ThinkingNo Comments

Life is a cycle. It has stages or distinct periods, associated with age and these ages are also associated with key events. Everyone who lives a full life cycle will goes through each of these stages. They are:

cycle-of-life-diagram-by-Antony-Simpson

The Cycle of Life Diagram by myself.

Prebirth
There is some debate between Scientists, Doctors, Religious Leaders and Philosophers about when human life actually begins. Some say it begins at conception or fertilisation (generally most Religious Leaders), whereas Scientists and Doctors in the UK state that human life begins once a fertilised egg has implanted its self into the uterus wall, based on medical research and legal judgements.

Whichever you believe to be correct, this stage of life goes from 0-40 weeks. In this time you grow from a single cell into an embryo (from day four of fertilisation to week eight of pregnancy) and then into a foetus (from week eight of pregnancy till birth). Your mother will go through the three trimesters of pregnancy. You will be called a baby from birth.

Birth
You come into this world as a baby that is fully dependent on your mother, father and/or other carers to meet your needs for: milk, hygiene, warmth, sleep, safety, stimulation and love (emotional attachment and bonding). This is a period of rapid physical growth.

By 3-6 months old you will need to be weaned on to solid foods to satisfy your hunger and to give you enough nutrients to continue this rapid period of growth. Between 6-9 months old you will begin exploring your environment by crawling.

By 1 year old you begin to walk and enter into the infancy stage of your life cycle.

Infancy
In this stage you learn through exploration and play. This stage is usually between the ages of 1 to 5.You develop in all sorts of ways including:

  • Physically – you continue to grow, develop gross and fine motor skills.
  • Cognitively – you develop your ability to solve basic problems and begin to develop your imagination.
  • Language – You learn to communicate verbally through speech. You will go from knowing a handful of words to hundreds.
  • Socially – You learn to parallel play, share and social rules.
  • Emotionally – You learn to identify what you feel and eventually to emotionally regulate yourself.
  • Moral – You begin to notice what is perceive as right and wrong.

In infancy, a significant phase for most parents or carers is the terrible twos. To call it the terrible twos is a bit deceptive though, as it starts from around 18 months and can carry on until the infant is 2 and a half years old.

You say ‘No’ often and temper tantrum if you don’t get your way. In the terrible twos you are learning what the boundaries are, what you can get away with and how to regulate your feelings of frustration and anger when you don’t get what you want.

Childhood
Personality begins to develop in childhood, including likes and dislikes. Childhood starts at around 5 years old and ends around 12 years old (its ending being marked by the beginning of puberty – see Adolescence below).

As well as your personality developing, you become much less dependent on your parents or carers for your basic needs. You start structured learning at school, which leads to a more structured way of thinking. But conversely you are able to think abstractly.

You increase the number social relationships you have by making friends. You continue to grow – both physically and intellectually and continue to develop new skills. You may master some of these new skills. You have thing that pique your curiosity and things that don’t. You have passions and interests.

Adolescence
The stage of adolescence or the teenage years starts around 12-13 years old and lasts until around 18-20 years old. The end of childhood and beginning of adolescence is marked by the start of puberty.

In adolescence your body and brain are going through massive changes. These changes mean that you need more sleep and may well be found sleeping in till midday or later.

In the body, high levels of hormones rage creating physical changes, increasing emotional intensity and a fierce need for independence. The emotional intensity explains why you are more likely to be rebellious in your thinking and actions as an adolescent.

If you’re a male physical changes include: body hair grows (public, underarm, facial & legs), voice breaks – becoming deeper, Adam’s apple becomes prominent, acne, penis growth, lowering of testis lower, growing taller and broader.

If you’re female physical changes include: growth of breasts, menstrual cycle, body hair grows (public, underarm & legs), acne, weight gain, change of body shape and growing taller.

In the brain, hormones make you more likely to act on impulse and take risks. This explains why you are more likely to try alcohol and/or drugs in adolescence.

Both the body and brain make you aware of those you feel sexually attracted to. You notice them. You want to get to know them and ultimately you want to have sex with them. You may start to have sexual and/or romantic relationships.

Your thinking is egocentric – you are only or mostly concerned about you. This egocentric thinking explains a lot of your thinking and behaviour including why you are so concerned about how you look.

Puberty takes around 4 years from the early signs to completion. As well as all the puberty changes, you have the pressures of high school including peer groups and exams.

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Early Adulthood
18-40 years old is the Early Adulthood stage of the cycle of life. Adults are physically fully grown and must use the life skills that they acquired in earlier stages to fend for themselves. In these few short years a lot happens in life.

You may move out of home, you may go to college and/or university, you may learn to drive a car, you go out into the world of work and start your career, you may make a commitment to a partner through marriage, you may end a relationship through divorce, you may buy your own home, you may have children of your own, you may travel, you may become more involved in community activities.

You feel enthusiastic about making your mark on the world. You continue to develop your passions and interests. Days, months and years pass quickly by at this stage of your life. You have little time to contemplate your life and the past choices you have made that have lead you to where you are.

Middle Age
Contemplation is the keyword in middle age, which starts around 45 years old till around 65 years old. Physical signs of ageing are present and women will have gone through menopause by the end of this stage. People talk about having a midlife crisis in this stage.

You think about your life and if you are happy with it or not. You may feel that your life is stale and stagnant. This contemplation can cause you to make major changes in your life. However you may be perfectly content with your life and choose to continue on without making any major changes.

In this stage of your life you may need to care for your now elderly parents. You will have attended christenings, birthdays, weddings and funerals. You will have met and know people at all stages of the cycle of life.

Late Adulthood
Retirement from work will have occurred by the time a person reaches late adulthood. Late adulthood is a stage for people aged 65-75 years old. By this point they have got a wealth of wisdom as a result of life experiences.

You physically and mentally begin to slow down. You have great wisdom from a lifetime of experience and regularly replay memories from your past.

End of Life
At the end of life the reflection continues. Most people will be 76+ years old. If people are happy with their life, they will feel satisfaction. However some people may have regrets.

People regret things like: not spending enough time with family and friends, not being the best parent/grandparent that they could have been, not having taken enough risks and playing it safe.

You will think about your life. You will ask yourself if you spent enough time with loved ones, if you did good enough, if you’re happy with your life up to now.

Death
According to The Office of National Statistics the average life expectancy for a man is 79 years old and for a woman 83 years old, so death comes between 79-83 years old for most.

Your family and friends will grief for the loss of you in their lives. Hopefully they will celebrate your life as well.

Rebirth
Rebirth hasn’t been scientifically proven at this point. But several religions and spiritual paths believe in reincarnation or rebirth. This is where you would be reborn either as another human or as an animal after death.

Even more fascinating is that some religions and spiritual paths even believe that it is your choice to be reincarnated or remain on an astral/spiritual/energy-based plane of existence.

The Future
A healthier lifestyle including: a good diet, regular exercise, not smoking, not drinking alcohol, not misusing substances, working/living in better environments with conditions that promote good health; along with ever-improving healthcare and technology will extend the life cycles of current and future people.

This extended life cycle will mean that some of the ages people enter the stated stages in this article will be incorrect in the future.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Book Review: Bel Canto by Ann Patchett

By Amazon, Books & Authors, ReviewsNo Comments
bel-canto-ann-patchett-book-cover
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In an unnamed country, Roxanne Coss a lyric soprano is performing for Mr Hosokawa’s birthday. Mr Hosokawa is a CEO of a large company.

The leaders of the unnamed country hired Roxanne, Mr Hosokawa’s favourite opera singer to sing at his birthday, to lure him to their country like a worm on a fishing hook.

They hope to convince Mr Hosokawa to make much needed investment into their country.

The birthday party is being hosted at the Vice President’s house (a mansion). Many VIPs are present, both from the unnamed country and from across the world.

But the President of the unnamed country gives his apologies, the party is on the night of his favourite soap opera and he simply can’t miss it. This decision to stay home, probably saves his life.

Roxanne sings her last note. The room is stormed by rebels. The rebels were really after taking the President captive for their own political reasons and causes. The rebels are mostly teenagers apart from the older Generals, but all are armed and have been well trained.

The VIPs are in shock. The authorities soon realise what has happened. Then starts a long siege. The rebels make demands daily, the authorities provide food, etc. Author Ann Patchett described her discovery and love of opera while writing the book. This is clearly evident throughout and at times distracted from the storyline.

The plot was reasonable but was limited by the situation. Not a lot happened as the authorities and rebels were in a state of deadlock for most of the book. The ending was believable and a little sad. But the epilogue was extremely disappointing as it was so unbelievable and against what the characters would actually do.

The were a whole host of characters, but Patchett rightly focused on a few key characters. The characters were a pleasure to get to know, drove and sustained the readers interest.

The description clear, concise and flowed freely. Patchett’s writers voice and style was engaging and superb – as with all of her books.

Bel Canto by Ann Patchett was an okay read and is available to buy on Amazon and at all good book shops.

Review soon,

Antony

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I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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