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February 2010

Following on from the Weekend

By Life, Love & RelationshipsNo Comments

Following on from the Weekend (see A Weekend Away, Up North – Adventure 1) E and I have been in touch quite a bit. When I asked him about this weekend, he said he was unavailable.

E said that he couldn’t commit to any sort of relationship right now because of stuff (I have more details than just “Stuff” but that’s his private info that I’d never publish). A few more messages where exchanged as I was really confused at one point. I managed to establish that he likes me and he wants to keep in contact. I think perhaps as well as the stuff going on there’s fear?

Fear of being hurt, the safer option to avoid/run away from anything that could hurt you. I geninually think that he likes me as much as I like him. So I’ve left it open, I’ve basically said: I still like you. I want to continue to get to know you. I am happy to message/speak on the telephone but I’d also like at some point to see you in person again.

Any advice? It’s always welcome and listened too.

A little-gutted Antony

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Goodbye M

By Friends & Family, Life, ThinkingNo Comments

Dear M,

I felt shocked when I was told you had left us.
I feel sorry that I didn’t have a chance to say “Goodbye”

I knew you had it, the cancer.
But I knew you had battled it before and won.
Others closer to you, knew it was terminal.
But I did not. Or did I not want too?

My heart felt sympathy goes out to all those who loved you,
your husband, children, friends and work colleagues.
You enriched our lives with your humour and your motherly care.

I feel guilty for having such a good weekend on the one you left.
I have to remind myself that your gone and not coming back.
It still doesn’t feel real.

Goodbye M, Safe Journey.

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A Weekend Away, Up North – Adventure 1

By Happiness & Joy, Life, Love & RelationshipsOne Comment

Last weekend I went to meet someone I had been chatting too for a long time. I had met him on Tom Dick and Sally. At first I thought E was physically attractive and as I got to know him, he became even more so. I found him to be quick witted, playful, serious and caring. I also discovered that he was pagan and a diabetic like me too.

The drive “Up North” was beautiful. The sun shone and either sides of my car were bare trees and green fields, often filled with sheep. As I got further North hills revealed themselves, topped with sprinkles of snow. I arrived. E met me at the BnB. He had said when we were making the arrangements that I didn’t need to stay in a BnB, but I insisted. I needed my safety net, somewhere I could escape to if it went horribly wrong. As it happened, it didn’t go horribly wrong, quite the opposite in fact.

We went for lunch at a 1960’s style diner. We chatting and then headed out in the cold to his place. On arrival at his self contained flat I snooped around, trying to take in every detail. A shower room, a Kitchen and then a living / bedroom. The living-bedroom had a TV on a unit with a small two seater couch opposite it. A shelf was stacked with videos, next to a window. On the window ledge a collection of crystals and a small wooden box.

In the back corner a single bed with a bookshelf next to it, it had the most eclectic collection of books on it. I looked over the books tempted to pick up many that interested me. Next a wardrobe showing his diverse taste in clothes. Then I saw a cage with the cutest rat in it. I debated the rats cuteness as I saw E’s altar. I smiled to myself knowing that every item had been carefully placed there for a reason. Finally I saw his DVD collection and stated that I was impressed, he likes some of the things that I like.

We commented on how similar we were and I stated that we probably had some differences as well which would make it an interesting and fun weekend. Later on in the evening we went to the bar where he works. He was a bit apprehensive about taking me as his ex was playing in the band. E stated that his ex had been texting him, asking him to come and see him perform.

We bought drinks and I met his friend Eilidh who I was told was a fantastic singer. I listened to a track on E’s Ipod and had to hear more. So I bought a copy of her CD – which is saying something, because I never buy CD’s. I’ve listened to it, my faviourate tracks are Jane Austen House and particular relating to E – Thinking of You. You can learn more about Eilidh Freeden on her facebook fan page: Eilidh Freedens Songs @ Facebook.

E wasn’t drinking and was driving us home. But he said that I could have a drink so I did. A few vodka’s. As the alcohol started to kick in and I was starting to become tipsy his ex came in. He came over to E and said Hi. He made it obvious that he was checking him out he even looked at me before he did it. I watched the conversation unfold and after he went off to set up I smiled to myself. E was aware that his ex had checked him out (how could anyone not with how obvious he was?). The reason for my smile, E didn’t check him out back or give any sign of interest. In fact E looked like he was being polite and only making the mandatory small talk with the ex.

We listened to his ex sing with the band. He was ok, although I felt that he lacked any expression of emotion in his voice or performance. That in my opinion is the difference between a good singer and an excellent singer – the ability to express emotion and make the crowd feel it too. I was explaining this to one of E’s other friends who was in the bar with her parents. E actually agreed with me.

E kindly drove me home to his. I had a brew and sensing that he was tired walked home in the arctic like conditions to my BandB. I got in and will you believe the heating wasn’t on? I shivered in bed and when I finally fell asleep I woke every time I rolled over to the freezing sheets that hadn’t been warmed by my body heat. Needless to say I won’t be staying there again, but then again I wont be staying in any BnB, I will be staying with E.

Before I knew it, it was Sunday. We did some shopping and grabbed some lunch. At some point prior to this, we’d decided we were dating one another and that I’d be coming up again. After our good byes, I reluctantly headed on my drive home. As I came in to my home town I saw a light dusting of snow covered the ground. I thought about the weekend – what an adventure. I can’t wait to travel “Up North” again, as I know who’ll be waiting for me when I get there.

Write soon,

A happy Antony

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Salsa Tuesday’s

By Friends & Family, Life2 Comments

“When are you going to take me dancing?” I said smiling.
How about Salsa on Tuesday? My friend replied.
“Ok.”

So off we trundled to our first Salsa class. On entering the Labor Club hall I noticed the lack of males present, they blended in the crowd of about thirty women. The odd man dotted about looked as if they had seen better days. Their faces cracked and their eyes grayed from seeing years of life. The women on the other hand seemed to be diverse. Women of all different ages, some in conformist colours – blacks and grays, whereas others in bright expressive colour.

As my friend and I sat with our drinks, it seemed that I was attracting the attention of some of the many women. At first I was flattered, being unusually the centre of attention. They walked passed the table, each taking their turn and scanned me with their eyes from top to bottom.
“Don’t leave me. Some of these women could eat me alive” I whispered to my friend as another woman scanned me.
“Look she’s old enough to be my mother.”
And we laughed.

The class started and we laughed. All night we laughed. We even learn’t some Salsa steps as well. So it seems my Tuesday evenings have become Salsa Tuesday’s. Can’t wait for my next lesson tomorrow.

Write soon,

Antony

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