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A Random List of Things I Like & That Make Me Feel Good

By Happiness & JoyNo Comments

Here’s a random list of things I like and things that make me feel good:

  • Quality time with my family & friends.
  • Reading – being transported into a different life or world by an Author.
  • Being Creative.
  • Writing.
  • Having an adventure – such as the one I’m having at the moment in India.
  • Spending time walking in nature on bright and warm Summer’s days. Places like Rivington an Wales.
  • Watching shows, performances and gigs.
  • Laughing.
  • Making others laugh.
  • Caring for others.
  • When people write ‘Love you Always’ in a card.
  • Receiving a message that makes me smile.
  • People smiling.
  • Complements.
  • Small acts of kindness.
  • Waking up pain-free.
  • Having such a good conversation that I loose track of the time.
  • Watching a film that makes me so happy or sad that I cry.
  • Easing another’s suffering.
  • Sunshine.
  • Warm weather.
  • Blogging.
  • Sunbathing.
  • Naps.
  • A long, hot and relaxing bath.
  • Listening to music in the bath.
  • Birthday cards.
  • When someone says: ‘I just saw this and thought of you.’
  • New notebooks, especially Paperchase ones.
  • Seeing a sunset.
  • Uni-ball pens in various colours.
  • Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream.
  • Intimacy.
  • Pop music.
  • Lit Yankee Candles.
  • Low lighting.
  • A new hair cut.
  • New clothes.
  • New technology devices.
  • Playing Civilization 5.
  • Dancing.
  • Imagining having tea with Gandalf, Dumbledore and Mary Poppins.
  • Waking up after a good night’s sleep.
  • Having no where to be and nothing to do.
  • Watching Victoria Wood, French & Saunders, Lilly Savage, Jack Whitehall and Russell Howard stand-up again and again. To the point where I know the script word for word.
  • Colouring in – focusing on staying in the lines.
  • Carrot Cake.
  • Nice coffee – in particular a Starbucks hazelnut latte or Douwe Egberts.
  • Cinnamon buns.
  • Looking through old photos.
  • Looking through Memory Boxes.
  • Unexpected, spontaneous dinners and meals out.
  • Chocolatey goodness.
  • Cinema trips.
  • Sweet Popcorn.
  • Finding a pound in the pocket of your winter coat, the first time you come to wear it as the weather gets colder.
  • Imagining that I live in the countryside, in a nice small cottage with a well-stocked larder.
  • Imagining what I’d do if I won the euro millions jackpot.
  • Re-living happy memories in my mind.
  • A brew.
  • Doing a good job, in whatever I’m doing.
  • Films that capture my imagination or make me feel something.
  • Watching musicals.
  • Imagining being able to fly.
  • Crystals.
  • Dinosaurs and everything dinosaur-related.
  • Minions and everything minion-related.
  • Watching wildlife documentaries, where animals show love and care towards one another.
  • Writing lists.

What are some of the things you like? What makes you feel good? Leave a comment below.

Blog soon,

Antony



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Tuesday 28 July 2015

My First Fishing Trip

By Friends & Family, Happiness & Joy, NatureNo Comments
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The Fishery

 My mum’s getting married next week to a lovely man named Ian.

Sometime ago Ian asked me to be his best man, to which I agreed. But what could I do his Stag Do considering he doesn’t drink and nor do I? I thought to myself.

Then I came up with the idea of a fishing trip. Ian likes fishing, as does Neil, my big brother. Besides which, I’ve always said that at least once in my life I’d like to catch a fish, so here was an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone*.

So a few weekends ago, we set off to a fishery somewhere near Morecambe and Lancaster. On arrival we were greeted by the Warden who was in his fifties, had dishevled hair, a beer belly and clothes that looked like they hadn’t been washed in quite sometime.

The Warden staggered towards our car, can of Carling in hand and then stood there swaying. Ian showed him our booking form, but he looked at it as if he either was trying to get it in focus or couldn’t read it. He directed us to the Head Office, instead of Reception where we collected our keys to the static caravan. On the way to our caravan, we saw that the Warden lived just three caravans away.

As I enjoyed a coffee and cigarette on a picnic bench in front of the caravan with Ian, the Warden drove past in a Jeep, giving me an intense stir – the sort I imagine serial killers give to their intended victims. The Warden came to a stop on the road opposite our caravan and continued to stir.

Ian went over to speak to him through the Jeep window. He said in the creepiest tone of voice possible: ‘Do you know who I am?’
‘Yes the Warden.’ Ian replied.
The Warden wound up his window, gave me a long hard stir and then slowly drove off.

During that stir I imagined that he was planning to rape me (after all, I was easily the prettiest on the site and the closest to being a woman), murder me and chop my body into pieces to feed to the fish. This sounds a little dramatic and like I’m trying to make this part of the story funny – but he really did freak me out.

So I called Neil, told him the situation and that he’d better get here before dark. I told him: This is how horror films start! That night we all chatted, played Harry Potter Top Trumps and Superhero Top Trumps, with Neil coming out as the victor.

Later, as the weekend wore on, I became slightly more relaxed about this encounter wih the Warden telling Ian and Neil with a smile: ‘Listen it’s alright for you two. You’re old, either bald or going bald. I’m the jail bait in the static caravan.’

The next day, after a big cooked breakfast was the fishing. I caught the first and by far the biggest with Ian’s kind help. There’s so much innuendo in fishing terminology; I was figuratively rolling on the floor laughing the whole weekend. Phrases like: Keep tight hold of the rod. Bait me up. Owe…what a lovely little tiddler.

Here are some photos from the day’s fishing:

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Mother Duck and her Ducklings – But that isn’t what we came for.
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Ian & Neil in their fishing gear.
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Me in my fishing gear…I hate to say it…but I’m like the Tiger Woods of the Fishing World LOL.
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This is exactly how I imagined fishing to be.
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The first and biggest fish of the weekend – caught by me with help from Ian.
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A close up of the big fish…definitely bigger than a gold fish.
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The fish I was most proud of catching. My first fishI caught all by myself. Isn’t it a lovely little ‘tiddler?’

On Sunday, being still in recovery, I was exhausted. So while the boys went out fishing, I took it easy reading The Humans by Matt Haig. It’s an awesome book that I’ll be writing a review on when I’ve finished reading it. In the late afternoon we headed back home.

We all enjoyed the trip so much, that it is to become an annual event. Known in the family as ‘The Annual Fishing Trip.’ I love that the time spent male bonding brings us closer together as a family.

Write soon,

Antony

* No birds, fish, ducks or other animals were harmed by Ian, Neil or myself during the trip. However the odd human stranger did push his luck and came very close to being maimed.



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Thursday 25 June 2015

Finally…in Recovery and getting Back to Life

By Health, Life, ThinkingNo Comments
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Me Drinking Coffee. Slowly Getting Back to Life 🙂

 In January, everything stopped. I stopped being able to function and was ill. The truth is that I had been ill for a long time before this, but that I had continued to solider on – hoping that I would start to feel better.

Here were some of my symptoms:
Tick Box Bullet Point No concentration span. I wasn’t able to watch TV or films, read or write. I didn’t feel safe to drive, so I didn’t.
Tick Box Bullet Point Short term memory loss.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling constantly exhausted despite sleeping for many, many hours.
Tick Box Bullet Point Some insomnia and night terrors.
Tick Box Bullet Point Back pain – despite resting and regularly completing physiotherapy exercises.
Tick Box Bullet Point Head aches.
Tick Box Bullet Point Stomach ache/constipation despite eating a reasonably good diet.
Tick Box Bullet Point Poor personal hygiene and not cleaning my home environment.
Tick Box Bullet Point Overeating or forcing myself to eat despite feeling that I didn’t want to.

Tick Box Bullet Point No motivation – I found it extremely difficult and tiring to do the smallest of tasks.
Tick Box Bullet Point Reckless spending of money – mostly through online shopping.
Tick Box Bullet Point Any extremely variable mood which changed throughout the day and night. From being void of any feelings to a tornado of fast swirling feelings including: guilt, inadequacy and feeling like a failure.
Tick Box Bullet Point Anxiety – resulting in becoming antisocial and finding it difficult to leave home.
Tick Box Bullet Point Worry and panic about what people would think of me.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling hopeless, which is the worst feeling in the world.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling like I was loosing my mind.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling like I was falling down a dark bottomless pit.
Tick Box Bullet Point Feeling frustrated at not being able to snap out of it and that nothing I did made a difference to how I felt or my ability to function.
Tick Box Bullet Point Overly self-critical thoughts and zero self esteem. A critical inner voice that was loud and repetitive.
Tick Box Bullet Point At two particularly bad points I suffered from compulsions to end my life.
Tick Box Bullet Point In short, feeling like my mind, body and soul were being devoured and destroyed by this illness.

So I went to see my GP who completed the PHQ depression test and diagnosed me with severe clinical depression. At several points throughout my treatment, this test was repeated to check on my progress. At one point, I was scoring 24 out of a possible 27. My GP started me on antidepressants and encouraged me to self-refer for counselling.

The first antidepressant didn’t work, despite gradually increasing the dose to the maximum. Apparently this is really common, happening to at least 50% of people. So my GP gradually withdrew the first antidepressant and then started me on another – which thankfully is working. I self-referred to counselling, had an assessment and to this date am still on the waiting list.

January to May has felt like a write-off in every sense of the word. But I feel extremely lucky to have made it through this dark and difficult time. What’s that phrase? Ah yes…I believe I made it through by the skin on my teeth.

Looking back, I’ve had depressive tendencies for at least the last few years. I’ve been rubbish at spotting the symptoms in myself, but am much more aware of signs, symptoms and triggers now.

I’m still in recovery and it is a gradual process. I’m still on the antidepressants and will be for sometime. I’ve started taking multivitamins to make sure my body and mind is getting what it needs. But now I’m feeling good, better than I have felt in years. I’ve even started laughing again, proper belly laughs, which I haven’t done for what feels like forever.

Now I’m getting back to life. I’ve thanked those close to me for their support, love, care and kindness. I’ve gone back to work and realised that I have the most brilliant, amazing and fantastic work colleagues. They’ve been so supportive and I feel so lucky to work with such wonderful people.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Friday 22 May 2015

The ‘Recently, I’ve Been A Bad Blogger’ Update

By Amazon, Life, Music & Radio, TV, Online Streaming & FilmsNo Comments
imac-contact-me-large Recently, I’ve been a bad blogger. I’ve had so many things on that I’ve felt like I’m plate spinning. My daily creative play has stopped. My blogging and book reviews have stopped. But now I hope to get back to normal – whatever that is.

While I have been exceptionally busy, I have managed to listen to some new music, watch some good TV, re-watch some old films and do a bit of reading.

Musically, I’ve been enjoying Ed Sheeran’s new album X. I’m particularly fond of the first track, One. It’s sentimental and mellow. Perfect chill out music and believe me, I’ve needed to relax. I’ve had Sam Smith’s album In The Lonely Hour on repeat, appreciating the sound of his voice.

I bought Matt Fishel’s new album Cover Boy, but have to say that it was a disappointment. It was nowhere near as good as his first album Not Thinking Straight. I did like his cover of Finally, but I’m afraid that was all I liked.



I’ve watched season 2 of Under The Dome, well all but the final episode. It’s a brilliant show based on a short story by Stephen King. In Under The Dome the people of an American town are trapped under a giant dome. The plot is intricate, ever twisting and full of intrigue.

I’ve been watching the new series of Dr Who and have very mixed feelings about it. Peter Capaldi isn’t a convincing as The Doctor. Clara’s character feels a bit conflicted, not because of Mr. Pink (Danny) but because of the writing.

The Walking Dead has started again and I’m super-excited, thrilled and ecstatic during every episode. We’re only a few episodes in and it’s already my TV highlight of the week.

I’ve watched some old films like Jurassic Park 1, 2 & 3 as I love dinosaurs. In my mind, there just aren’t enough dinosaur films out there. The Adams Family 90s film has made me laugh, especially Cousin IT and thing who never fail to make me chuckle.

I’ve watched good triumph over evil through working my way through the complete collection of Harry Potter films. Mum and I are going to Harry Potter World (London) in November, so I wanted to be adequately prepared.

I got my essential hit of zombie versus kids by reading The Hunted by Charlie Higson. You can read the review I’ve wrote for The Hunted here. I felt elated reading Shopaholic to the Stars by Sophie Kinsella, which I will review soon. I’m currently reading the ridiculously funny Good Omens by legends Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman and the love story Us by David Nicholls.



I was organised enough to write two articles for The Gay UK. One for National Coming Out Day and The Gay UK‘s digital magazine entitled My Come Out Reactions. It’s people’s responses when I’ve come out as a gay to them. The other article I’ve just finished is 14 Reasons It’s Great To Be In A Relationship.

What music, TV and films are you enjoying? What literature are you reading? Anything I’d like? Leave a comment below and let me know.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Monday 27 October 2014
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