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intimacy

The Healthy Relationship Checklist

By Love & Relationships, Thinking2 Comments

How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship or not? Find out more below.

relationship-gender-symbols

Relationship Gender Symbols. Copyright © Antony Simpson, 2018.

If you are in a healthy relationship you should tick most of the boxes on the checklist below:
Unticked Box You can do things independently, without getting a hard time from your partner. You can explore interests, have hobbies, etc.
Unticked Box You can communicate openly and honestly with your partner without negative judgement or fear.
Unticked Box You never have to hide anything from your partner.
Unticked Box You get support from your partner when you are vulnerable.
Unticked Box Your partner encourages and supports you in everything that you do.
Unticked Box You have shared your dreams and hopes with your partner.
Unticked Box You and your partner have shared ambitions for your life together.
Unticked Box You feel safe: physically, mentally and emotionally.
Unticked Box You have regular contact with friends and family members.
Unticked Box Your partner never makes you feel bad for spending time with others.
Unticked Box Your partner always shows you respect.
Unticked Box You and your partner laugh together.
Unticked Box You and your partner listen to one another.
Unticked Box You and your partner both approach the relationship as a learning experience.
Unticked Box Your relationship adds something to both you and your partner’s life.
Unticked Box Your partner speaks to you with kindness.
Unticked Box Your friends and family honestly think your relationship is a healthy one.
Unticked Box Your relationship started with vulnerability, connection and intimacy.
Unticked Box You would use these words to describe your relationship: trust, warmth and attachment.
Unticked Box Your partner never belittles you.
Unticked Box Neither your partner or yourself displays contempt for the other. No eye rolling. No squinting at them as if to say what are you talking about?
Unticked Box You don’t feel controlled or manipulated.
Unticked Box Your partner is never aggressive or violent towards anyone or anything. This includes: you, any children and any pets or animals.
Unticked Box Your partner knows where the line is and doesn’t cross it. Either accidentally or purposefully.
Unticked Box You feel equal to your partner in the relationship.
Unticked Box You like the way you grown and changed while you’ve been in the relationship.
Unticked Box You and your partner express appreciation and admiration for one another.
Unticked Box You have fun together.
Unticked Box Your partner offers comfort, love and support when you’re upset, stressed or fearful.
Unticked Box You make decisions jointly.
Unticked Box You are intimate. By intimate I mean hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, being close to one another and sex.
Unticked Box You and your partner don’t argue constantly.
Unticked Box Your partner loves and likes you when you look and feel at your worst.
Unticked Box Your family and friends like your partner.

If you think or feel that you maybe in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the following websites have useful information on:

Blog soon,

Antony

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What are some of the most difficult questions in life?

By Life, ThinkingNo Comments

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Here are some of the most difficult questions in life, along with my current partial answers to them. None of these complex questions have simple answers. If you have a better answer than the one I have, or would like to share your answer to these questions, please leave a comment below.

Who am I?

Who I am is fluid rather than fixed and changes constantly. It encompasses my thoughts, feelings, intentions, actions, omissions, behaviours and my soul. Who I am changes as quickly as each encompassed element can change.

What is consciousness?

Consciousness is a result of billions of neurons in the brain firing electrical signals to other neurons. Our body allows us to sense the world (through taste, sight, touch, smell, sound and psychic intuition) and then create thoughts and feelings based on the now, memory and past experiences, dreams and hopes for the future.

What’s the meaning of life?

I have no idea what the meaning of life is. But I’ve got a feeling that it’s different for every life. I do know that you should decide on the purpose or ideally purposes of your life.

Purposes may include: dedication to family/friends, goals/achievements of your own, contribution to the wellbeing of others, learning/studying/growth, to create or destroy, to consume and enjoy, to travel, to adventure and experience, to improve humanity, to love, the list goes on and on.

Where does creativity come from?

Perhaps the question should read: what inspires creativity? A large number of things can inspire creativity, including: nature, research, other people’s creative works (art, music, literature, sculpture, etc.), curiosity, questions, past experiences, daily life, failures, logic/illogic, other people’s ideas, emotions, procrastination, through play, again the list goes on and on.

Does God exist?

Pagans are polytheistic, meaning that they worship many Gods and Goddesses. I personally believe that these Gods and Goddesses represent humanistic aspects of a Divine Energy.

This Divine Energy is infinitely complex and incomprehensible by the limited human mind. This Divine Energy is within everything that ever was, is and will ever be. It is timeless, interconnects everything and keeps the universe in balance through constant creation, change and destruction.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

We all have a sense of fair play. When we see bad things happen to good people, we notice it as it feels unfair. We notice it more because the person is a good person. But life events are simply what they are.

Sometimes bad things appear at random and sometimes they are methodological. They can be difficult to accept and it is normal to feel a sense of injustice and unfairness.

Reframing your thoughts to acknowledge that bad things happen regardless of whether a person is good or not is a way to balance your thinking. It is also useful in breaking the association between behaviours (being a good person) and negative life events (the bad things).

What happens after we die?

The cells, tissues and organs in your body die (necrosis). Your body decays until the point that only your skeleton is left (skeletonisation).

But when most people ask this question, they are referring to what happens to the soul after death. Well most believe in heaven or an afterlife of some sort. Others believe in reincarnation (being reborn as another person, animal or plant).

I personally believe in both an afterlife and reincarnation. I think that your soul is energy and is released from your body on your death. It travels to another plane of existence (the astral plane).

The astral plane is like an afterlife but not like a traditional version of heaven. You are reunited with other souls that you have known (possibly over several lifetimes and the times in-between). You have the choice of if and when (although there is no concept of time in this place) you want to be reincarnated.

The purpose of being reincarnated is so that you can grow as a soul, but also so you can do some of the things that only physical entities can do (such as enjoy food, music, dance, sex).

What is love?

Poets, Writers, Musicians and Artists have all been exploring what love is and how it is expressed since humans were first able to feel and think. I think any type of love starts with vulnerability, connection and intimacy. From there it grows into trust, warmth and attachment.

For me there are different types of love:

  • Love shared with friends. Familiarity, shared interests, shared values and loyalty.
  • Love shared with family. Familiarity, growing together, mutual respect and unconditional acceptance.
  • Love shared with a lover. Romance, possibility, comfort, sensuality and sex. (I should note here that I am single.)
  • Unexpressed love. Fantasy, a crush, desire and longing.

Have I met Mr/Mrs Right?

How the heck should I know? But I would ask yourself: Does he/she make you laugh? Can you tell them anything? Does he/she build you up and support you? Does he/she add something to your life? Does he/she have their own life, with their own friends, dreams and ambitions? What do your friends and family honestly think about them and you as a couple?

Hopefully answering these questions will give you more insight.

Can love last a lifetime?

Yes. As long as both partners continue to grow independently as well as growing together. And as long as they continue to love one another. I believe love can last, not just a lifetime, but into the afterlife and beyond.

Write soon,

Antony

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A Random List of Things I Like & That Make Me Feel Good

By Happiness & JoyNo Comments

Here’s a random list of things I like and things that make me feel good:

  • Quality time with my family & friends.
  • Reading – being transported into a different life or world by an Author.
  • Being Creative.
  • Writing.
  • Having an adventure – such as the one I’m having at the moment in India.
  • Spending time walking in nature on bright and warm Summer’s days. Places like Rivington an Wales.
  • Watching shows, performances and gigs.
  • Laughing.
  • Making others laugh.
  • Caring for others.
  • When people write ‘Love you Always’ in a card.
  • Receiving a message that makes me smile.
  • People smiling.
  • Complements.
  • Small acts of kindness.
  • Waking up pain-free.
  • Having such a good conversation that I loose track of the time.
  • Watching a film that makes me so happy or sad that I cry.
  • Easing another’s suffering.
  • Sunshine.
  • Warm weather.
  • Blogging.
  • Sunbathing.
  • Naps.
  • A long, hot and relaxing bath.
  • Listening to music in the bath.
  • Birthday cards.
  • When someone says: ‘I just saw this and thought of you.’
  • New notebooks, especially Paperchase ones.
  • Seeing a sunset.
  • Uni-ball pens in various colours.
  • Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream.
  • Intimacy.
  • Pop music.
  • Lit Yankee Candles.
  • Low lighting.
  • A new hair cut.
  • New clothes.
  • New technology devices.
  • Playing Civilization 5.
  • Dancing.
  • Imagining having tea with Gandalf, Dumbledore and Mary Poppins.
  • Waking up after a good night’s sleep.
  • Having no where to be and nothing to do.
  • Watching Victoria Wood, French & Saunders, Lilly Savage, Jack Whitehall and Russell Howard stand-up again and again. To the point where I know the script word for word.
  • Colouring in – focusing on staying in the lines.
  • Carrot Cake.
  • Nice coffee – in particular a Starbucks hazelnut latte or Douwe Egberts.
  • Cinnamon buns.
  • Looking through old photos.
  • Looking through Memory Boxes.
  • Unexpected, spontaneous dinners and meals out.
  • Chocolatey goodness.
  • Cinema trips.
  • Sweet Popcorn.
  • Finding a pound in the pocket of your winter coat, the first time you come to wear it as the weather gets colder.
  • Imagining that I live in the countryside, in a nice small cottage with a well-stocked larder.
  • Imagining what I’d do if I won the euro millions jackpot.
  • Re-living happy memories in my mind.
  • A brew.
  • Doing a good job, in whatever I’m doing.
  • Films that capture my imagination or make me feel something.
  • Watching musicals.
  • Imagining being able to fly.
  • Crystals.
  • Dinosaurs and everything dinosaur-related.
  • Minions and everything minion-related.
  • Watching wildlife documentaries, where animals show love and care towards one another.
  • Writing lists.

What are some of the things you like? What makes you feel good? Leave a comment below.

Blog soon,

Antony



I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


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