1. Being broke. Quite some time ago I posted about my debts (see Financial Blues). And even though I increased my payments and I have paid off over £3, 000, I feel broke & like I’m getting no where. I earn more than I have ever in my life, yet feel more broke than I have in my life.
My solution to this problem: I have bought a lotto ticket and three euro millions tickets. I usually buy ONE ticket when I feel a little broke (the week before payday for example), so you can imagine how broke I actually feel!
2. House. This is not my home. It is a house I share with house mates.
And it is a trashed by house mates. I tidy and it gets trashed again.
The walls are paper thin. I can hear house mates phone conversations, music playing, weeing, sneazing, snoring, etc.
There isn’t enough space. I basically live in one room (my bedroom) which is the biggest room in the house. Yet it is tiny because of the amount of stuff I have got that fill the space and make it cramped. Nothing has a place and is just stuffed were ever it will fit.
This is as far away from my ideal home as possible.
My solution to this problem: I will move out. Apart from I can’t afford it because of point 1. Am I stuck in a rutt?
3. Tired. I am very tired. I am exhaused and this probably makes the other things see worse than they are or maybe not. Maybe they are exactually as bad as I feel they are right now.
Anyway, now that I’ve told you my woes I am off to bed.
Missed me? I’ve been away at David’s for the first whole week ever. He doesn’t have the internet, hense no opportunity to blog. The week reminded me what I have learn’t about What makes a relationship work from past relationships as well as the present one with David. So here’s what I’ve learn’t:
Expectations
In order to make a relationship work you must know what you want out of it. Your expectations. Many relationship experts recommend if your single you make a list, so you know what your looking for. What these relationship experts often for get to tell you is that you also need to find out what your partner expects out of the relationship too. There’s two people in a relationship you know!
Issues
First you need to recognise your internal issues and then you need to start to deal with them. Whether it’s letting go of the past or dealing with your insecurities you need to deal with the psychological baggage we pick up as we go through life. One of the issues that many people have is confidence.
You must have confidence in yourself and who you are as a person. Someone once said to me: How can you expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself? Confidence is a difficult thing to quantify but you know if you have it or not in a relationship. It is also equally difficult to build confidence, but it is doable.
Your partner will also have some of the psychological baggage or ‘issues’ that we all pick up in life. You can help by discussing both of your issues together and dealing with them together.
Communication
Communication that clear and honest is vital in any relationship. David and I have had a few arguements (see Job Interview & David and A mad week!) and they are always to do with unclear communication.
A recent example of unclear communication between David and I was the Monday (the 2nd night staying at his apartment). He was tired and had to wait for me to get in. I had forgot to mention to him that I was going to a friend’s and when I did I didn’t let him know when I would be home.
Result: an arguement. My issue getting my level of independance right (one of my ‘issues’) and his the lack of clear communication.
A Mental and Physical Connection
A mental connection also called companionship or friendship. Many people say “my partner is my best friend.” Now whereas I probably wouldn’t say they should be your best friend (as it would make you too reliant on them), they should come close. Mutal interests aid this mental connection. As does sharing the same personality characteristics (such as both playful, serious, artistic, etc.).
A physical connection, passion is also vital. You must fancy them, as much as they fancy you. Couples are strange. Some spend the whole ‘honeymood period’ in bed whereas other couples physical connection enhances as time goes by and they get comfortable with one another.
All couples will have their own way this area of their relationship develops. Your fine as long as it continually developing and not becoming routine or worse none exisistant. If this happens there are plenty of books that will give you advice on how to spice up the bedroom department.
Trust
I have seen many relationships break down due to a lack of trust between and in one another. Trust is a odd thing, it is a feeling of utter secure-ness. Like a duvet rapped tightly around yourself making you feel all warm, snug and secure. One of the wonderful things about being in a relationship with David is that I trust him 100%. In addition to this, the duvet feeling he immitates when he hugs me tightly in bed.
A Sense of Humour
For me one of the most wonderful thing is laughter. Laughter to me is the verbalised form of happiness. So a relationship with humour is a relationship with happiness. We all have essentially a sense of humour but sometimes we keep it locked inside. So every now and again, release it and let it out to play!
Individuality & Independance
Getting the right balance of individuality and independance is important. And definitately (from my own experience) not easy. Individuality is about remaining who you are. You are bound to pick up character traits, sayings and little ways off your partner but it is essential that you are you. Your partner fell for you, not for a clone of themselves.
Independance is about doing your own thing. This is benefical in as it gives you space and allows you not to become dependant on your significant other. Both you and your partner need your space in order to continue to grow and develop as individuals and neither of you wants to be completely dependant up on the other.
Rituals
I’m not talking pagan here (see Pagan Festivals). Rituals are little routines that you and your partner do together. Whether it’s Wednesday night take away night or staying in bed till late Sunday these routines allow you spend quality time together and bring your closer together.
Support
We all need support at times, whether we like to admit it or not. There will be hard times when you need support in a variety of senses: beit emotional stress, financial stress, ill health, etc. You need to realise when your partner needs support and he does you (this is made much easier with open, honest, clear communication).
Support can be offered in many ways. Being a sounding board for him, practical support (shopping for him during a stressful move), but even just being there with a calm stress-free energy can help.
So…
So this is what I’ve learn’t. I hope it is useful for your relationship. And if your single – I hope it helps you when you meet someone.
David and I went watching Slumdog Millionaire at the weekend. Here is some info about the film:
Slumdog Millionaire is the story of Jamal Malik (Patel), an 18 year-old orphan from the slums of Mumbai, who is about to experience the biggest day of his life. With the whole nation watching, he is just one question away from winning a staggering 20 million rupees on India¹s “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”
But when the show breaks for the night, police arrest him on suspicion of cheating; how could a street kid know so much? Desperate to prove his innocence, Jamal tells the story of his life in the slum where he and his brother grew up, of their adventures together on the road, of vicious encounters with local gangs, and of Latika (Pinto), the girl he loved and lost. Each chapter of his story reveals the key to the answer to one of the game show¹s questions.
Each chapter of Jamal¹s increasingly layered story reveals where he learned the answers to the show¹s seemingly impossible quizzes. But one question remains a mystery: what is this young man with no apparent desire for riches really doing on the game show?
When the new day dawns and Jamal returns to answer the final question, the Inspector and sixty million viewers are about to find out.
(from: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1010048/synopsis, Last accessed: 11th February 09)
And here’s a trailer:
I would highly recommend it. I made scared, cry, laugh, happy, and feel all sorts of other emotions. But most of all it made me contemplate the poverty of the slums.
This year being disorganised I missed Imbolc. I only realised a day before and hence didn’t really get round to doing anything (I know tut, tut).
So in order that I not miss any further of my pagan festivals I decided to add the dates to my diary and post them here. I will give the festival name, date and some information about the festival. Here we go:
Imbolc – 2nd February
Known as the festival of light. It celebrates the end of dark winter and welcomes the sun and the light to the world. Asking the world to wake up out of hibernation.
The goddess is seen as the maiden at this festival. Indeed the festival celebrates her as a maiden. She is still in recovery from child-birth.
The longest day of the year. It is the summer time harvest. I like this blessing:
As the sun spirals its longest dance,
Cleanse us
As nature shows bounty and fertility
Bless us
Let all things live with loving intent
And to fulfil their truest destiny Wiccan blessing for Summer
(from http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/paganism/holydays/summersolstice.shtml, last accessed: 08th February 09)
The god and goddess
reaffirm their relationship and commitment to one another.
Colours: Blue, green, red and yellow.
Themes: Fruitful endeavours, child-like play, affirmations, water & emotions.
Lammas – 1st August
The harvesting of berries and grains take place at around the time of this festival. Days are getting shorter.
The autumn equinox. Light and dark are again in balance, however from this point on we shall have less sun light as it get’s darker. It’s about also giving thanks to the mother goddess for providing enough food (from the harvest) for the winter.
The god prepares for his journey to the underworld. The mother goddess is heavily pregnant but continues to rein and begins to age.
Colours: Brown, violet, indigo, blue & black.
Themes: Land & property, goals, introspection, past life regression, relaxation, letting go.
The first day of winter also known as the winter solstice. Longest night of the year. Evergreens and pine are ideal for your alter along with traditional Yule logs. Wreath’s symbolise the wheel of the year.
The goddess gives birth to the god and then goes in to hibernation being tired from child-birth.
Many pagans believe in a god and a goddess. I differ slightly. I do believe there is a god-like being, but that it is one that is genderless as it is simply energy. Some pagans would disagree with this, although like I said earlier these are my own individual beliefs.
Hope this is as useful to you all, as it will be to me.
In love and light,
Antony
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Monday 9 February 2009
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Antony Simpson - Author, Blogger, Nurse & Witch.
Author of eight books.
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