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The Positive Side to Disappointment

By Life, ThinkingNo Comments
the-positive-side-to-disappointment-2018 Sometimes things in life don’t work out the way we’d like or expect them to. I’ve had one of these experiences recently and it led to me feeling disappointed. I wont go into what happened here, but will discuss what I learned from the experience.

Disappointment is a mix of emotions including sadness, rejection, frustration and anger. Feeling let down. Feeling like you have failed. None of these emotions or feelings are positive.

But if you take some time to think about it, there is a positive side to disappointment. Here are some positives:

  • Learning – You can learn a lot from the experience that caused you to feel disappointed. You can use this learning to help you navigate future similar events.
  • Stepping stone to future success – Anyone who is successful has often failed (and no doubt felt disappointment at the same time). But they have used past failures and disappointments as a stepping stone to future success.
  • Thing happen for a reason – I’m a big believer that things happen for a reason. Even if you don’t understand it at the time. Opportunities that I have failed to get in the past have nearly always turned out with me feeling grateful that I didn’t succeed in the first place.
  • An opportunity to take time out, reflect and re-plan – Feelings of disappointment take you out of your normal logical cognitive functioning. This can be an opportunity to take time out, reflect on choices made and change future plans.
  • Motivation – Feeling disappointed initially demotivates anyone. But once you get past this initial stage you can use it to motivate you and use it as springboard to future success.
  • To get perspective – Disappointment can be used to put things into perspective. Ask yourself: are you going to care about this in a year’s time? Is it life or death? Will it cause the world to end? Compare what’s important in your life and this disappointment to gain a more positive perspective.
  • Look at how well you did – Ask yourself: Could you have done anything more? Would it have changed the outcome? If the answer to both of these questions is no, then recognise that you did your very best. Make peace with yourself and accept this.
  • Other opportunities – Know that other opportunities are open to you. Yes, there is always the risk of failure and/or disappointment, but think of the benefits of these opportunities should you be successful. Now imagine how many of these opportunities would you have missed had you not been disappointed now. You might have an even better opportunity awaiting you around the corner.

Blog soon,

Antony

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Import: 14 Reasons It’s Great To Be In A Relationship

By Creativity, JournalismNo Comments

Being in a relationship can be great. Here are 14 reasons why it’s great to be in a relationship:

14. The financial benefits. If you’re in a relationship it’s someone to share the bills with. Plus married or civil partnered couples get tax reductions.

13. Someone to share the housework with.

12. You double the size of your wardrobe. Providing that you’re both the same size.

11. You learn what you want from a relationship and from Mr Right. As well as what you don’t. These are important things to know.

10. Seeing him smile will make your day.

9. You learn more about yourself.

8. Sex. You’ll regularly have sex, with someone that you’ll feel conformable with. He’ll even know what you like and what you don’t. Vice versa. Sex with someone you’ve been with for a while becomes increasingly intimate, as you get an emotional bond with him. Some people say that the strengthening of the emotional bond over time can make sex an almost borderline spiritual experience. Plus a monogamous relationship reduces the risks of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) such as hepatitis and HIV.

7. Being in a relationship can be fun, and not just in the sack! You’ll do loads of fun things together and it’s even more fun because there’s always someone to share it with.

6. You’ll have someone who’ll listen to you ramble on about your day. He’ll be there to enjoy the highs and lows of the rollercoaster ride we call life.

5. You’ll never be lonely. You’ll always have someone around for company. Going to weddings, looking at the happy couple and wishing you had that what they have and weren’t alone- will never happen again.

4. A boost to your confidence and self-esteem. Knowing that someone finds you attractive, especially when they give you complements will boost your confidence and self-esteem.

3. You’ll be with someone that you trust and that you can to go to for support.

2. Someone who gets you. We all want someone who gets the real us. Truly understands who we are, sometimes knowing us better than we know ourselves. Being in a relationship can give you this and even help you to understand yourself a little better.

1. Being in love is awesome. It’s a life-changing experience, that’s why most songs are about love. Love is like a drug; it’ll make you feel high – bringing joy, happiness and lots of laughter into your life. But it can also make you feel low – bringing sadness, anger and jealousy into your life. Sometimes making you feel elated and disheartened all in one day. But most people find that the occasional low is worth the high.

Published by: The Gay UK on Tuesday 18th November 2014.



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Grief

By Thinking2 Comments

It’s an odd thing to loose someone in such a permanent way as death. The days and nights merge in to one; you can’t remember what you did or didn’t do and when. People call it ‘grief’ and it is an unpredictable creature, you don’t know how your going feel from one minute to the next. I am about to write about some of what I’ve experienced so far, but please bare in mind the unpredictability of this creature.

Shock – Initially to see him lying in the hospital was shocking.

Disbelief – This followed at the hospital and still continues now.

Anger – At the situation. Taken out on inanimate objects (please note that no objects were harmed or damaged).

Denial – Particularly when planning the funeral.

Waves of sadness – Triggered off by the smallest of things, such as his cup at mums.

Bargaining – At least he had 18 good years with family & friends that loved him.

Mother Hen-ing – Supporting others to deal with their feelings, putting mine to one side.

Humour – To diffuse tense atmospheres, saying things like “Alex would have loved the attention”.

Self Destruction – Limited to chain smoking and drinking too much alcohol.

Unrested Sleep – Sleeping a lot more than I normally would but waking up feeling more tired.

Self Neglect / Low Motivation – Eating crap food, only bathing when I absolutely need too, being energyless and staying in bed watching crappy TV. All in my pyjamas. Feeling like I don’t want to and can’t face seeing anyone.

Avoidance – Ignoring the event entirely. Becoming focus and involved on whatever crap TV I’m watching at the time.

It’s difficult at times, but I’ll get there. With the love, support and kindness of my dear family and friends.

Write soon,

Antony



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