This weekend I have had a date with the ex friend with benefits (see An update of Men & Men). We went watching the new Harry Potter film. The film was good but left a lot of questions unanswered. It also seemed to jump from scene to scene with no real flow to it.
As an end to the date came to an end a kiss was expected. It was nice but very werid, like a ball of weridness. It’s hard to know were the boundaries are and if indeed I want to date this person?
Recently I posted about the Men in my life right now (see Men). Well everyone the plot thickens, so here’s a quick update:
1. The date? – He canceled as was unwell. He did sound ill when he rang me to be honest and I didn’t want to particularly catch what ever it was he had. However he’s been quiet on the text. I have even texted him asking him if he would like to rearrange our brunch date. No response. Guess he has lost his bottle or his interest in me or both.
2. The friendly ex – I have had to reinforce my I-just-want-friendship feelings to him recently. He is going a way on Hols soon, I hope he has a really good time.
3. David – I guess my recent blog post entitled Control didn’t help in terms of him wanting to talk to me. He’s still not answering my calls. It’s worse than before as he doesn’t just let his phone ring off he actually presses the ignore button after which the automated womans voice says “The user is busy. Please try again later.” Don’t you just hate that?
4. A friend with benefits – A new comer on the man front. He is an old friend who used to be a friend with benefits (I think that clearly explains it?) from well before I met David. I always wanted to date him and perhaps if dating worked out start a proper relationship. But he didn’t. He’s apparently seen my status on Facebook and decided to get in touch. I have arranged a meal with him on a date next week, so I’ll keep you informed.
In other news – I am not at all well. I have not slept well and when I have I have disturbing nightmares, I’m feeling tired all the time, by blood sugars are messed up and I’m sure I’ve got some infection or other. My nose is like a tap and I have a terrible cough, sore throat – basically I’m falling to pieces.
Isn’t it funny that how someone says something can have a huge impact on it’s meaning? If I write Men it doesn’t quite have the same meaning as me saying “Men” with a sigh. The sigh adds a whole new dimention and meaning to the word.
I am having several man related issues at the moment (in no particular order):
1. The date? – I call him that with a question mark on the end because we are due to go on our first date on Saturday for brunch. He texted me saying he’s got credit. So I text him back a nice message and no text back all evening. Is there a certain amount of time I should allow for text back? He is lovely though he interests me and makes me laugh loads. However I’m a bit unsure about no text back.
2. The friendly ex – I have named him this as he’s an ex-partner. I want to be friends but he likes me in a more-than-friends way. I have been honest with him about my feelings. What else can I do?
3. David – he still has my stuff, I feel that mum may have been right. She said that I would never hear off him again and have no chance of getting my stuff back. He doesn’t have anything of value – but you know it’s the principle. My stuff = my stuff.
Men can be confusing at times. Any advice welcome on a postcard or better yet comment.
It got me thinking about David as it was our song. I remembered I still have stuff at his I need to get (I also have stuff of his that I want to return). But it made me think of our relationship. I wrote this poem about our relationship:
Control
At first I thought it was my issue,
Maybe I wasn’t giving you enough time?
You’d end up crying and I’d hand you a tissue,
But to express what I have learned I write you this rhyme.
It wasn’t about time you see,
It was about us together as a pair,
Controling you could be,
I was blamed for everything – is this really fair?
You’d make comments about my style,
Or about things I’d said and done,
And I began to think I was vile,
Good at nothing and that I was no fun.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?”
I’d only had two double vodka’s with friends,
It was at this point I began to think,
But drinking for the night comes to ends.
You see I listen and take on board what you say,
But it got too much on that night,
You wanted everything all of your own way,
And then it started the fight.
You yelled and screamed until you were loud,
You intimidated me being right in my face,
I said things in response that didn’t make me feel proud,
And I also spoke loudly to make my case.
But again all of it was my fault,
The blame not shared between us both in the wrong,
I asked you to leave to bring the argument to a halt,
You said you’d forgive me if said sorry but I couldn’t let it roll of my tongue.
Why you ask?
Because I don’t want to be controlled by my man,
I don’t want to feel emotionally blackmailed by someone wearing a mask,
Their mask to hide their insecurities of which I am not a fan.
What I do want is to be loved and cared about,
I want a balanced relationship that is equal,
Anything less I can do without,
So with this particular man there will be no relationship sequel.
I do however thank him for the times of good,
And wish him well for the future.
Written by: Antony Simpson (2009). Not to be reproduced with out permission.
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Sunday 5 July 2009
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Author of eight books.
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