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Happiness & Joy

Welcome to Benidorm!

By Happiness & Joy, Love & Relationships4 Comments

It´s nearly been a week since I arrived to start a new chapter in my life with Boyfriend-W in Benidorm. It´s been a time of learning, a new language, a new job, a new life style (sleeping some of the day to stay up later in the evening and most importantly living with someone).

With the language I´ve started watching YouTube videos such as:

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As for my new job table waiting I´ve been shaddowing my colleagues watching and more importantly getting my hands dirty and pitching in. My first night I was quite fustrated with myself – feeling like I wasn´t picking things up quick enough. I´ve never done this sort of work before and learned that I´m actually quite hard on myself. I had to remind myself of the stages of competence:

The Four Stages

Unconscious Incompetence
The individual neither understands nor knows how to do something, nor recognizes the deficit, nor has a desire to address it.

Conscious Incompetence
Though the individual does not understand or know how to do something, he or she does recognize the deficit, without yet addressing it.

Conscious Competence
The individual understands or knows how to do something. However, demonstrating the skill or knowledge requires a great deal of consciousness or concentration.

Unconscious Competence
The individual has had so much practice with a skill that it becomes “second nature” and can be performed easily (often without concentrating too deeply). He or she may or may not be able teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned.
Natural language is an example of unconscious competence. Not every native speaker who can understand and be understood in a language is competent to teach it. Distinguishing between unconscious competence for performance-only, versus unconscious competence with the ability to teach, the term “kinesthetic competence” is sometimes used for the ability to perform but not to teach, while “theoretic competence” refers to the ability to do both.

Certain brain personality types favor certain skills (see the Benziger theory), and each individual possesses different natural strengths and preferences. Therefore, advancing from, say, stage 3 to 4 in one skill might be easier for one person than for another. Certain individuals will even resist progression to stage 2, because they refuse to acknowledge or accept the relevance and benefit of a particular skill or ability. Individuals develop competence only after they recognize the relevance of their own incompetence in the skill concerned.

Possible Fifth Stage
Many attempts have been made to add to this competence model. This addition would be a fifth stage, and there have been many different suggestions for what this fifth stage would be called. One suggestion is that it be called “Conscious competence of unconscious competence”. This would describe a person’s ability to recognize and develop unconscious competence in others.

Another suggestion by consultant David Baume:

As a fifth level, I like what I call ‘reflective competence’. As a teacher, I thought “If unconscious competence is the top level, then how on earth can I teach things I’m unconsciously competent at?” I didn’t want to regress to conscious competence – and I’m not sure if I could even I wanted to! So, reflective competence – a step beyond unconscious competence. Conscious of my own unconscious competence, yes, as you suggest. But additionally looking at my unconscious competence from the outside, digging to find and understand the theories and models and beliefs that clearly, based on looking at what I do, now inform what I do and how I do it. These won’t be the exact same theories and models and beliefs that I learned consciously and then became unconscious of. They’ll include new ones, the ones that comprise my particular expertise. And when I’ve surfaced them, I can talk about them and test them. Nonaka is good on this
—Nonaka, I. (1994). “A Dynamic Theory of Organizational Knowledge Creation.” Organization Science 5: 14-37. (David Baume, May 2004)
(From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence, Last Accessed: 29 May 2010)

I´m currently conscious incompetent but getting better all the time.

As for my new life style, I´m loving it. Loving being with Boyfriend-W, going to bed with him and waking up with him. I´m adjusting my body clock to the evenings and most importantly looking forward to learning more.

Write soon,

Antony

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One Month

By Happiness & Joy, Love & Relationships2 Comments

I am alone in the office at work. Sat looking at the screen typing a response to an email. There’s a knock at the door. I grunt in frustration at yet another distraction from my task in hand. I lift myself up off my seat and answer the door to a tall slim blond haired lady with this rather beautiful dozen red roses:



(Click on image for full size)

“Mr. Simpson?” she asks.
“Yes” I reply.
“These are for you.” she says handing me the bouquet. I thank her and close the door. I go back to my desk and read the card, it’s off Boyfriend-W for our one month anniversary. How wonderful is that?

I text him to say thanks and we exchange a few further text messages. I ring my mum to tell her, she laughs and says she already knows, Boyfriend-W had asked for her help. In some aspects it feels like I’ve known him longer than a month, with what I know about him and how I feel about him. I love him and everyday when I think it’s reached it’s peak – that I couldn’t possibly love him more, I find by the end of the day I love him more than I did yesterday.

In other aspects I feel like I’ve known him less than a month especially in terms of the time we get together alone. This doesn’t bother me, in fact the opposite, it excites me. This is because I know that we’ve got plenty of time together in the future to have special alone times.

For our one month anniversary I sent him two daft things:
1. A chocolate cow (a private joke that I think he got and appreciated) and
2. A slinky (one of them toys that walks down stairs, looks like a spring).

I am incredibility daft like that. I tried to send him something to make him laugh and give him a few minutes of entertainment (seeing if it can navigate his spiral stair case). Of course if I had known, I could have done the whole romance thing – but these things are best done after being thought about with the pure intention to suprise your loved one.

Thank you Boyfriend-W for being so thoughful, caring, kind, romantic but mainly for just being you. Look forward to spending many more anniversaries with you.

Take care,

Antony

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Meeting Family, Getting Closer & Making Plans

By Happiness & Joy, Love & Relationships, TV, Online Streaming & FilmsOne Comment

Boyfriend-W was over last week and some of this week on a prearranged holiday to see his family and friends. We took the opportunity to spend some time together seen as we live in separate countries. Here’s what we got up to:

Thursday – Boyfriend-W arrives, we have a take away and I meet his Nan.

Friday – Boyfriend-W’s dads 60th party. An opportunity to meet most of his family as well as some of his friends. I’m pleased to say I got well with the family and as for his friends, at one point in the evening they said:
“Just to let you know, you’ve passed.”
I replied “Passed? I was just being me.”

Saturday – A friend of the families party in my town. They loved him, perhaps more than me. He met my mum and her partner and got a massive seal of approval (how could they not love him? I do, he’s amazing.) We stayed at mine and he was suitably impressed with my apartment.

Sunday – Mothers day. We visited my very-hung-over mum. Then we headed of to Manchester to stay overnight in Manchester Gay Village. We had lots to drink and by the end of it, both felt partied out.

Monday – We took his nieces watching Alice in Wonderland in 3D. I think I was more excited about seeing this film than his nieces, especially considering it was directed by Tim Burton and stared Johny Depp. The film was bizarre being too dark for children but being too child-like for teens. The 3D wasn’t what I expected, but it was quite cool.

Tuesday – I was back in work in the day, but we went round to his aunties who cooked the best food I’ve had in years (think it must run in the family, as he’s a wonderful cook as well). Before bed some wonderful gifts were exchanged on both sides.

Wednesday – I drove him to the airport. Didn’t want to let him go back, but knew he had too.

So we’ve met each others family, got a lot closer and have been making some plans for the future (can’t reveal too much about this yet!).

Blog soon,

Antony

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Adventure 2 – Benidorm Part 3

By Adventures, Gay, Happiness & JoyNo Comments

Apart from sun-bathing on the beach (see Adventure 2 – Benidorm Part 1), Meeting Boyfriend-W (see Adventure 2 – Benidorm Part 2) I also spent lots of my time in the Old Town and New Town in pubs and clubs.

The Old Town – Gay Guide
The old town with it’s narrow streets and traditional architecture hosts a selection of gay pubs & clubs. It is difficult to find a decent online gay guide (as I tried before I went away) for Benidorm, but if you go in to Queens Bar & Hotel they have a locally produced printed gay guide with a map. The only criticism of this gay guide is that it doesn’t give you any information about the pubs & clubs. So here’s my thoughts and opinions:

Queens Bar & Hotel – friendly staff, excellent food, the famous Levi on in the evening show that starts at 10:30-ish. In addition to this, it’s a great place to stay. If I wasn’t staying with Boyfriend-W next time I’m in Benidorm, I’d definitely be staying here.

Peppermint Bar – a good bar for a few drinks. I describe this bar in Adventure 2 – Benidorm Part 2. Apparently it can get raunchy towards the end of evening as the alcohol flows and the men get horny. I can’t vouch for this as I always deliberately moved on from here before it gets too late in to the evening/early morning.

Chaplins – another good bar, opens in the evenings. It had mirrored walls, is well lite and always seems to have plenty of people in (which is always a good sign).

Company Bar – Ok for a drink early on in the evening, it is mainly a chatting bar really. It’s a tiny place with bar stools and little thin circular tables crammed in.

Mercury – a club with dance music. Love it. On my last night with Boyfriend-W we ended up in there. The as the alcohol kicked in we drunkenly danced to Bad Romance by Lady Ga Ga (which we’d heard for like the ninth time that night).

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Lovers Bar – you have to buzz to get in, so there’s no telling whether it’s busy or not. When you get in it’s a bar but with dance music. The owner is a local Spanish guy who was touching and rubbing his cock with his hand in his jeans pocket when I ordered a drink. Apparently I’m his type. It wouldn’t have been so bad apart from I was the only person in the place, so I couldn’t really not sit at the bar. Needless to say I downed my drink and left, sharpish.

Men Only – I didn’t really go in this bar as every time I passed it the older crowd seemed to inhabit the place. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just not my scene personally.

According to the Gay Guide there’s plenty of more places there. Some I walked past and where empty so didn’t go in and some I never found. The Old Town also boosts a gay sauna, a bears bar and a sex shop, but I never went in to any of these. Not my scene.

New Town – Straight Ville
I explored the new town on my own one of my first evenings there. My initial impressions weren’t good when on walking around the bars and clubs (a lot of which were closed due to the time of year) and was offered drugs by a Spanish local.

However Boyfriend-W took me down to the new town and we went in to Cafe Benidorm and The Red Dog. The music was camper than in the Old town! And even though it was out of season, it was still reasonably busy. Both of these pubs/clubs are good places to go.

One night I was invited by Boyfriend-W to see Levi the fantastic drag queen at a bar called Sandra’s (Levi also works at the Queens Bar & Hotel). Unfortunately I was knackard in the early evening and fell asleep. I got up too late and had missed the show. Will have to go next time when I go back to visit Boyfriend-W in Benidorm.

So that’s it the final installment of my holiday to Benidorm. So next time your due a holiday, get yourself to Benidorm. I had an ace time and will definitely be going back.

Antony

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