Skip to main content
Tag

warmth

The Healthy Relationship Checklist

By Love & Relationships, Thinking2 Comments

How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship or not? Find out more below.

relationship-gender-symbols

Relationship Gender Symbols. Copyright © Antony Simpson, 2018.

If you are in a healthy relationship you should tick most of the boxes on the checklist below:
Unticked Box You can do things independently, without getting a hard time from your partner. You can explore interests, have hobbies, etc.
Unticked Box You can communicate openly and honestly with your partner without negative judgement or fear.
Unticked Box You never have to hide anything from your partner.
Unticked Box You get support from your partner when you are vulnerable.
Unticked Box Your partner encourages and supports you in everything that you do.
Unticked Box You have shared your dreams and hopes with your partner.
Unticked Box You and your partner have shared ambitions for your life together.
Unticked Box You feel safe: physically, mentally and emotionally.
Unticked Box You have regular contact with friends and family members.
Unticked Box Your partner never makes you feel bad for spending time with others.
Unticked Box Your partner always shows you respect.
Unticked Box You and your partner laugh together.
Unticked Box You and your partner listen to one another.
Unticked Box You and your partner both approach the relationship as a learning experience.
Unticked Box Your relationship adds something to both you and your partner’s life.
Unticked Box Your partner speaks to you with kindness.
Unticked Box Your friends and family honestly think your relationship is a healthy one.
Unticked Box Your relationship started with vulnerability, connection and intimacy.
Unticked Box You would use these words to describe your relationship: trust, warmth and attachment.
Unticked Box Your partner never belittles you.
Unticked Box Neither your partner or yourself displays contempt for the other. No eye rolling. No squinting at them as if to say what are you talking about?
Unticked Box You don’t feel controlled or manipulated.
Unticked Box Your partner is never aggressive or violent towards anyone or anything. This includes: you, any children and any pets or animals.
Unticked Box Your partner knows where the line is and doesn’t cross it. Either accidentally or purposefully.
Unticked Box You feel equal to your partner in the relationship.
Unticked Box You like the way you grown and changed while you’ve been in the relationship.
Unticked Box You and your partner express appreciation and admiration for one another.
Unticked Box You have fun together.
Unticked Box Your partner offers comfort, love and support when you’re upset, stressed or fearful.
Unticked Box You make decisions jointly.
Unticked Box You are intimate. By intimate I mean hugs, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, being close to one another and sex.
Unticked Box You and your partner don’t argue constantly.
Unticked Box Your partner loves and likes you when you look and feel at your worst.
Unticked Box Your family and friends like your partner.

If you think or feel that you maybe in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the following websites have useful information on:

Blog soon,

Antony

mental-health-wisdom-banner



I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


Share on Social Media:

What are some of the most difficult questions in life?

By Life, ThinkingNo Comments

most-difficult-questions-in-life

Here are some of the most difficult questions in life, along with my current partial answers to them. None of these complex questions have simple answers. If you have a better answer than the one I have, or would like to share your answer to these questions, please leave a comment below.

Who am I?

Who I am is fluid rather than fixed and changes constantly. It encompasses my thoughts, feelings, intentions, actions, omissions, behaviours and my soul. Who I am changes as quickly as each encompassed element can change.

What is consciousness?

Consciousness is a result of billions of neurons in the brain firing electrical signals to other neurons. Our body allows us to sense the world (through taste, sight, touch, smell, sound and psychic intuition) and then create thoughts and feelings based on the now, memory and past experiences, dreams and hopes for the future.

What’s the meaning of life?

I have no idea what the meaning of life is. But I’ve got a feeling that it’s different for every life. I do know that you should decide on the purpose or ideally purposes of your life.

Purposes may include: dedication to family/friends, goals/achievements of your own, contribution to the wellbeing of others, learning/studying/growth, to create or destroy, to consume and enjoy, to travel, to adventure and experience, to improve humanity, to love, the list goes on and on.

Where does creativity come from?

Perhaps the question should read: what inspires creativity? A large number of things can inspire creativity, including: nature, research, other people’s creative works (art, music, literature, sculpture, etc.), curiosity, questions, past experiences, daily life, failures, logic/illogic, other people’s ideas, emotions, procrastination, through play, again the list goes on and on.

Does God exist?

Pagans are polytheistic, meaning that they worship many Gods and Goddesses. I personally believe that these Gods and Goddesses represent humanistic aspects of a Divine Energy.

This Divine Energy is infinitely complex and incomprehensible by the limited human mind. This Divine Energy is within everything that ever was, is and will ever be. It is timeless, interconnects everything and keeps the universe in balance through constant creation, change and destruction.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

We all have a sense of fair play. When we see bad things happen to good people, we notice it as it feels unfair. We notice it more because the person is a good person. But life events are simply what they are.

Sometimes bad things appear at random and sometimes they are methodological. They can be difficult to accept and it is normal to feel a sense of injustice and unfairness.

Reframing your thoughts to acknowledge that bad things happen regardless of whether a person is good or not is a way to balance your thinking. It is also useful in breaking the association between behaviours (being a good person) and negative life events (the bad things).

What happens after we die?

The cells, tissues and organs in your body die (necrosis). Your body decays until the point that only your skeleton is left (skeletonisation).

But when most people ask this question, they are referring to what happens to the soul after death. Well most believe in heaven or an afterlife of some sort. Others believe in reincarnation (being reborn as another person, animal or plant).

I personally believe in both an afterlife and reincarnation. I think that your soul is energy and is released from your body on your death. It travels to another plane of existence (the astral plane).

The astral plane is like an afterlife but not like a traditional version of heaven. You are reunited with other souls that you have known (possibly over several lifetimes and the times in-between). You have the choice of if and when (although there is no concept of time in this place) you want to be reincarnated.

The purpose of being reincarnated is so that you can grow as a soul, but also so you can do some of the things that only physical entities can do (such as enjoy food, music, dance, sex).

What is love?

Poets, Writers, Musicians and Artists have all been exploring what love is and how it is expressed since humans were first able to feel and think. I think any type of love starts with vulnerability, connection and intimacy. From there it grows into trust, warmth and attachment.

For me there are different types of love:

  • Love shared with friends. Familiarity, shared interests, shared values and loyalty.
  • Love shared with family. Familiarity, growing together, mutual respect and unconditional acceptance.
  • Love shared with a lover. Romance, possibility, comfort, sensuality and sex. (I should note here that I am single.)
  • Unexpressed love. Fantasy, a crush, desire and longing.

Have I met Mr/Mrs Right?

How the heck should I know? But I would ask yourself: Does he/she make you laugh? Can you tell them anything? Does he/she build you up and support you? Does he/she add something to your life? Does he/she have their own life, with their own friends, dreams and ambitions? What do your friends and family honestly think about them and you as a couple?

Hopefully answering these questions will give you more insight.

Can love last a lifetime?

Yes. As long as both partners continue to grow independently as well as growing together. And as long as they continue to love one another. I believe love can last, not just a lifetime, but into the afterlife and beyond.

Write soon,

Antony

mental-health-wisdom-banner



I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


Share on Social Media:

The Cycle of Life

By Life, ThinkingNo Comments

Life is a cycle. It has stages or distinct periods, associated with age and these ages are also associated with key events. Everyone who lives a full life cycle will goes through each of these stages. They are:

cycle-of-life-diagram-by-Antony-Simpson

The Cycle of Life Diagram by myself.

Prebirth
There is some debate between Scientists, Doctors, Religious Leaders and Philosophers about when human life actually begins. Some say it begins at conception or fertilisation (generally most Religious Leaders), whereas Scientists and Doctors in the UK state that human life begins once a fertilised egg has implanted its self into the uterus wall, based on medical research and legal judgements.

Whichever you believe to be correct, this stage of life goes from 0-40 weeks. In this time you grow from a single cell into an embryo (from day four of fertilisation to week eight of pregnancy) and then into a foetus (from week eight of pregnancy till birth). Your mother will go through the three trimesters of pregnancy. You will be called a baby from birth.

Birth
You come into this world as a baby that is fully dependent on your mother, father and/or other carers to meet your needs for: milk, hygiene, warmth, sleep, safety, stimulation and love (emotional attachment and bonding). This is a period of rapid physical growth.

By 3-6 months old you will need to be weaned on to solid foods to satisfy your hunger and to give you enough nutrients to continue this rapid period of growth. Between 6-9 months old you will begin exploring your environment by crawling.

By 1 year old you begin to walk and enter into the infancy stage of your life cycle.

Infancy
In this stage you learn through exploration and play. This stage is usually between the ages of 1 to 5.You develop in all sorts of ways including:

  • Physically – you continue to grow, develop gross and fine motor skills.
  • Cognitively – you develop your ability to solve basic problems and begin to develop your imagination.
  • Language – You learn to communicate verbally through speech. You will go from knowing a handful of words to hundreds.
  • Socially – You learn to parallel play, share and social rules.
  • Emotionally – You learn to identify what you feel and eventually to emotionally regulate yourself.
  • Moral – You begin to notice what is perceive as right and wrong.

In infancy, a significant phase for most parents or carers is the terrible twos. To call it the terrible twos is a bit deceptive though, as it starts from around 18 months and can carry on until the infant is 2 and a half years old.

You say ‘No’ often and temper tantrum if you don’t get your way. In the terrible twos you are learning what the boundaries are, what you can get away with and how to regulate your feelings of frustration and anger when you don’t get what you want.

Childhood
Personality begins to develop in childhood, including likes and dislikes. Childhood starts at around 5 years old and ends around 12 years old (its ending being marked by the beginning of puberty – see Adolescence below).

As well as your personality developing, you become much less dependent on your parents or carers for your basic needs. You start structured learning at school, which leads to a more structured way of thinking. But conversely you are able to think abstractly.

You increase the number social relationships you have by making friends. You continue to grow – both physically and intellectually and continue to develop new skills. You may master some of these new skills. You have thing that pique your curiosity and things that don’t. You have passions and interests.

Adolescence
The stage of adolescence or the teenage years starts around 12-13 years old and lasts until around 18-20 years old. The end of childhood and beginning of adolescence is marked by the start of puberty.

In adolescence your body and brain are going through massive changes. These changes mean that you need more sleep and may well be found sleeping in till midday or later.

In the body, high levels of hormones rage creating physical changes, increasing emotional intensity and a fierce need for independence. The emotional intensity explains why you are more likely to be rebellious in your thinking and actions as an adolescent.

If you’re a male physical changes include: body hair grows (public, underarm, facial & legs), voice breaks – becoming deeper, Adam’s apple becomes prominent, acne, penis growth, lowering of testis lower, growing taller and broader.

If you’re female physical changes include: growth of breasts, menstrual cycle, body hair grows (public, underarm & legs), acne, weight gain, change of body shape and growing taller.

In the brain, hormones make you more likely to act on impulse and take risks. This explains why you are more likely to try alcohol and/or drugs in adolescence.

Both the body and brain make you aware of those you feel sexually attracted to. You notice them. You want to get to know them and ultimately you want to have sex with them. You may start to have sexual and/or romantic relationships.

Your thinking is egocentric – you are only or mostly concerned about you. This egocentric thinking explains a lot of your thinking and behaviour including why you are so concerned about how you look.

Puberty takes around 4 years from the early signs to completion. As well as all the puberty changes, you have the pressures of high school including peer groups and exams.

mental-health-wisdom-banner

Early Adulthood
18-40 years old is the Early Adulthood stage of the cycle of life. Adults are physically fully grown and must use the life skills that they acquired in earlier stages to fend for themselves. In these few short years a lot happens in life.

You may move out of home, you may go to college and/or university, you may learn to drive a car, you go out into the world of work and start your career, you may make a commitment to a partner through marriage, you may end a relationship through divorce, you may buy your own home, you may have children of your own, you may travel, you may become more involved in community activities.

You feel enthusiastic about making your mark on the world. You continue to develop your passions and interests. Days, months and years pass quickly by at this stage of your life. You have little time to contemplate your life and the past choices you have made that have lead you to where you are.

Middle Age
Contemplation is the keyword in middle age, which starts around 45 years old till around 65 years old. Physical signs of ageing are present and women will have gone through menopause by the end of this stage. People talk about having a midlife crisis in this stage.

You think about your life and if you are happy with it or not. You may feel that your life is stale and stagnant. This contemplation can cause you to make major changes in your life. However you may be perfectly content with your life and choose to continue on without making any major changes.

In this stage of your life you may need to care for your now elderly parents. You will have attended christenings, birthdays, weddings and funerals. You will have met and know people at all stages of the cycle of life.

Late Adulthood
Retirement from work will have occurred by the time a person reaches late adulthood. Late adulthood is a stage for people aged 65-75 years old. By this point they have got a wealth of wisdom as a result of life experiences.

You physically and mentally begin to slow down. You have great wisdom from a lifetime of experience and regularly replay memories from your past.

End of Life
At the end of life the reflection continues. Most people will be 76+ years old. If people are happy with their life, they will feel satisfaction. However some people may have regrets.

People regret things like: not spending enough time with family and friends, not being the best parent/grandparent that they could have been, not having taken enough risks and playing it safe.

You will think about your life. You will ask yourself if you spent enough time with loved ones, if you did good enough, if you’re happy with your life up to now.

Death
According to The Office of National Statistics the average life expectancy for a man is 79 years old and for a woman 83 years old, so death comes between 79-83 years old for most.

Your family and friends will grief for the loss of you in their lives. Hopefully they will celebrate your life as well.

Rebirth
Rebirth hasn’t been scientifically proven at this point. But several religions and spiritual paths believe in reincarnation or rebirth. This is where you would be reborn either as another human or as an animal after death.

Even more fascinating is that some religions and spiritual paths even believe that it is your choice to be reincarnated or remain on an astral/spiritual/energy-based plane of existence.

The Future
A healthier lifestyle including: a good diet, regular exercise, not smoking, not drinking alcohol, not misusing substances, working/living in better environments with conditions that promote good health; along with ever-improving healthcare and technology will extend the life cycles of current and future people.

This extended life cycle will mean that some of the ages people enter the stated stages in this article will be incorrect in the future.

Blog soon,

Antony

mental-health-wisdom-banner



I aim for posts on this blog to be informative, educational and entertaining. If you have found this post useful or enjoyable, please consider making a contribution by Paypal:


Share on Social Media:
×