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Boyfriend-W

Welcome to Benidorm!

By Happiness & Joy, Love & Relationships4 Comments

It´s nearly been a week since I arrived to start a new chapter in my life with Boyfriend-W in Benidorm. It´s been a time of learning, a new language, a new job, a new life style (sleeping some of the day to stay up later in the evening and most importantly living with someone).

With the language I´ve started watching YouTube videos such as:

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As for my new job table waiting I´ve been shaddowing my colleagues watching and more importantly getting my hands dirty and pitching in. My first night I was quite fustrated with myself – feeling like I wasn´t picking things up quick enough. I´ve never done this sort of work before and learned that I´m actually quite hard on myself. I had to remind myself of the stages of competence:

The Four Stages

Unconscious Incompetence
The individual neither understands nor knows how to do something, nor recognizes the deficit, nor has a desire to address it.

Conscious Incompetence
Though the individual does not understand or know how to do something, he or she does recognize the deficit, without yet addressing it.

Conscious Competence
The individual understands or knows how to do something. However, demonstrating the skill or knowledge requires a great deal of consciousness or concentration.

Unconscious Competence
The individual has had so much practice with a skill that it becomes “second nature” and can be performed easily (often without concentrating too deeply). He or she may or may not be able teach it to others, depending upon how and when it was learned.
Natural language is an example of unconscious competence. Not every native speaker who can understand and be understood in a language is competent to teach it. Distinguishing between unconscious competence for performance-only, versus unconscious competence with the ability to teach, the term “kinesthetic competence” is sometimes used for the ability to perform but not to teach, while “theoretic competence” refers to the ability to do both.

Certain brain personality types favor certain skills (see the Benziger theory), and each individual possesses different natural strengths and preferences. Therefore, advancing from, say, stage 3 to 4 in one skill might be easier for one person than for another. Certain individuals will even resist progression to stage 2, because they refuse to acknowledge or accept the relevance and benefit of a particular skill or ability. Individuals develop competence only after they recognize the relevance of their own incompetence in the skill concerned.

Possible Fifth Stage
Many attempts have been made to add to this competence model. This addition would be a fifth stage, and there have been many different suggestions for what this fifth stage would be called. One suggestion is that it be called “Conscious competence of unconscious competence”. This would describe a person’s ability to recognize and develop unconscious competence in others.

Another suggestion by consultant David Baume:

As a fifth level, I like what I call ‘reflective competence’. As a teacher, I thought “If unconscious competence is the top level, then how on earth can I teach things I’m unconsciously competent at?” I didn’t want to regress to conscious competence – and I’m not sure if I could even I wanted to! So, reflective competence – a step beyond unconscious competence. Conscious of my own unconscious competence, yes, as you suggest. But additionally looking at my unconscious competence from the outside, digging to find and understand the theories and models and beliefs that clearly, based on looking at what I do, now inform what I do and how I do it. These won’t be the exact same theories and models and beliefs that I learned consciously and then became unconscious of. They’ll include new ones, the ones that comprise my particular expertise. And when I’ve surfaced them, I can talk about them and test them. Nonaka is good on this
—Nonaka, I. (1994). “A Dynamic Theory of Organizational Knowledge Creation.” Organization Science 5: 14-37. (David Baume, May 2004)
(From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_stages_of_competence, Last Accessed: 29 May 2010)

I´m currently conscious incompetent but getting better all the time.

As for my new life style, I´m loving it. Loving being with Boyfriend-W, going to bed with him and waking up with him. I´m adjusting my body clock to the evenings and most importantly looking forward to learning more.

Write soon,

Antony

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A new design and a new beginning

By Life, Love & Relationships2 Comments

A warm welcome my newly designed blog, Version 9 (see Geeky Post: Website Development for previous designs). I can’t take credit for the design, the good people at WordPress Theme Designer created the design and I’ve simply tweaked it with their support.

There were two reasons for the new design. The first was in response to feedback. People said that I write about a such diverse variety of topics that they struggle to catergorise my blog and choose articles that interest them. So hopefully this design will make it much easier to pick out posts that interest you? Comments welcome.

The second reason for the redesign was because I felt it was a good time for a new design as soon I embark on a new chapter in my life. So get a brew, get comfy and I will tell you what’s happened in the last month…

The story starts a few months ago Boyfriend-W came to visit, which I blogged about in a post entitled Meeting Family, Getting Closer & Making Plans. One evening on this visit he is sat up on the bed and I’m hoping on one foot putting on my jeans he looks at me.
“Antony.” he says, “Come and live with me in Benidorm.”
After my inital shock and asking for sometime to think and thinking about it I decided I would. Afterall he makes me happy and our relationship seems to go from strengh to strengh.

So the last month has been a busy one. I asked work to give me six months unpaid leave which they kindly agreed and I am eternally greatful for. I’ve spent countless evenings sorting & packing. I’ve taken and sent things over to Bendorm. I’ve thrown lots of rubbish out, given lots of things away and packed things for storage at mums or one of my close friends.

My apartment (see The Move) I have put up for rent through an agency. I’ve been telephoning and emailing various companies to end contracts and notifing relevant institutions of my change of address.

Finally add on top of that seemingly endless social engagements as I try to meet up with as many family and friends as I can before I leave (all of which I am going to miss dearly) and you can understand why I haven’t blogged in a month.

So as I start on my next adventure with Boyfriend-W in Benidorm in the next few weeks, look forward to normal blogging service resuming.

Write soon,

Antony

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One Month

By Happiness & Joy, Love & Relationships2 Comments

I am alone in the office at work. Sat looking at the screen typing a response to an email. There’s a knock at the door. I grunt in frustration at yet another distraction from my task in hand. I lift myself up off my seat and answer the door to a tall slim blond haired lady with this rather beautiful dozen red roses:



(Click on image for full size)

“Mr. Simpson?” she asks.
“Yes” I reply.
“These are for you.” she says handing me the bouquet. I thank her and close the door. I go back to my desk and read the card, it’s off Boyfriend-W for our one month anniversary. How wonderful is that?

I text him to say thanks and we exchange a few further text messages. I ring my mum to tell her, she laughs and says she already knows, Boyfriend-W had asked for her help. In some aspects it feels like I’ve known him longer than a month, with what I know about him and how I feel about him. I love him and everyday when I think it’s reached it’s peak – that I couldn’t possibly love him more, I find by the end of the day I love him more than I did yesterday.

In other aspects I feel like I’ve known him less than a month especially in terms of the time we get together alone. This doesn’t bother me, in fact the opposite, it excites me. This is because I know that we’ve got plenty of time together in the future to have special alone times.

For our one month anniversary I sent him two daft things:
1. A chocolate cow (a private joke that I think he got and appreciated) and
2. A slinky (one of them toys that walks down stairs, looks like a spring).

I am incredibility daft like that. I tried to send him something to make him laugh and give him a few minutes of entertainment (seeing if it can navigate his spiral stair case). Of course if I had known, I could have done the whole romance thing – but these things are best done after being thought about with the pure intention to suprise your loved one.

Thank you Boyfriend-W for being so thoughful, caring, kind, romantic but mainly for just being you. Look forward to spending many more anniversaries with you.

Take care,

Antony

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Meeting Family, Getting Closer & Making Plans

By Happiness & Joy, Love & Relationships, TV, Online Streaming & FilmsOne Comment

Boyfriend-W was over last week and some of this week on a prearranged holiday to see his family and friends. We took the opportunity to spend some time together seen as we live in separate countries. Here’s what we got up to:

Thursday – Boyfriend-W arrives, we have a take away and I meet his Nan.

Friday – Boyfriend-W’s dads 60th party. An opportunity to meet most of his family as well as some of his friends. I’m pleased to say I got well with the family and as for his friends, at one point in the evening they said:
“Just to let you know, you’ve passed.”
I replied “Passed? I was just being me.”

Saturday – A friend of the families party in my town. They loved him, perhaps more than me. He met my mum and her partner and got a massive seal of approval (how could they not love him? I do, he’s amazing.) We stayed at mine and he was suitably impressed with my apartment.

Sunday – Mothers day. We visited my very-hung-over mum. Then we headed of to Manchester to stay overnight in Manchester Gay Village. We had lots to drink and by the end of it, both felt partied out.

Monday – We took his nieces watching Alice in Wonderland in 3D. I think I was more excited about seeing this film than his nieces, especially considering it was directed by Tim Burton and stared Johny Depp. The film was bizarre being too dark for children but being too child-like for teens. The 3D wasn’t what I expected, but it was quite cool.

Tuesday – I was back in work in the day, but we went round to his aunties who cooked the best food I’ve had in years (think it must run in the family, as he’s a wonderful cook as well). Before bed some wonderful gifts were exchanged on both sides.

Wednesday – I drove him to the airport. Didn’t want to let him go back, but knew he had too.

So we’ve met each others family, got a lot closer and have been making some plans for the future (can’t reveal too much about this yet!).

Blog soon,

Antony

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