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All of your tick boxes

By Love & Relationships, Thinking6 Comments

When looking for a partner we all have tick boxes in our head. Qualities, traits or characteristics that we would like them to meet. Some we see as essential and others aren’t as important. Some of my tick boxes are:

  • Attractive – nice eyes, short, slim
  • Emotions – love, make me feel that certain way
  • Funny
  • Good sexual chemistry
  • Intimacy – not sex, but sensual experiences
  • Pagan – or at least interested in spirituality
  • Stimulating conversation -Pillow talk
  • Support when times are tough
  • Clear communicator
  • Romance – surprises and little efforts
  • The little things: Tea in the morning – in bed
  • Honesty
  • Knowing how to handle me, knowing how to give constructive critism or challenge me with out getting my back up
  • Keeps me in check – in terms of my little boundary pushes from time to time
  • Caring and Kindness – not just to me but to others
  • Buys good gifts
  • An optimistic
  • An creative
  • Recognise the importance of balance. The relationship VS my independent life
  • Gets on with my friends and my family
  • Can put up with my untidiness
  • Be open about Finances, share the expenses at dates (maybe I pay one time he pays the other)
  • Wow that’s a long list! What I’ve realised is that this comes from Disney. I was a Disney child brought up with stories of a princess finding her prince, who’s perfect in every way and ticked everyone of the princesses tick boxes. But that’s in an ideal and perfect world.

    Human beings by nature are imperfect and as such have created an imperfect world. So is it really realistic to expect one man to meet all of your tick boxes in your head? Human beings are also social creatures, so why can’t some of these boxes be ticked by family, friends and other loved ones?

    I think so. I am going to reflect on what I really want a man to tick and what others are currently being ticked by family, friends and others. If any are left over, I’ll have to find someone to tick them too.

    One person can’t meet all of our needs. We are social beings and as such need a number of people to meet our different needs. To expect on man to meet all of our needs is unrealistic.

    We as human beings are quite needy aren’t we? Or is it just me?

    Blog soon,

    Antony

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    I needed a new pair of shoes

    By History, Life, ThinkingNo Comments

    I have recently started my Uni course (see Back to University). I’m a student again! So I wanted to share with you the story of how I decided to go to Uni the first time round.

    Applying
    Applications had to be in by September. This point passed and I hadn’t applied to any University to do anything. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. (Who actually does at eighteen?) I originally wanted to be a Teacher but then I did a placement whilst at college in a School and didn’t like the amount of paperwork they had to take home. I wanted my work to be my work and my home life to be my home life. A lecturer at college at the time mentioned about Children’s Nursing to me. I knew nothing about it, but on a whim in early January I decided to apply. They accepted my late application. Three of the four Universities I had applied too rejected me outright. They looked at my qualification grades on the application and as I was not an ‘A’ student didn’t even bother to interview me.

    The Interview
    I arrived at The University of Central Lancashire for my interview. I was dressed in a shirt and tie and had my portfolio under my arm. It was a big open room, with pairs of lecturers dotted about the room. There was a waiting area filled with hopefuls, all waiting to be interviewed. All looked as I felt, nervous. This was clearly visible by jittering legs, messing with blouses, playing with their hair as well as other give away signs. I sat down and watched as the other interviewees were called one by one by these pairs of lecturers. It seemed that after being asked a few key questions they were asked to return to the waiting area. And after waiting 10 mins or so they’d be called back by the lecturers and either offered a place or not.

    After a short while my name was called. I took a deep breath and walked over. I shook both their hands and they offered me a seat. I was asked some questions, I can’t remember all of them. But one was “What do you think is the importance of the role of the parents when caring for a sick child?” I replied:
    “I think it’s absolutely important. They know their child and what’s normal for their child better than we do.” After the interview I was asked to go back to the waiting area, I had not even sat down in the waiting area and they called me back. “We would like to offer you a place on the course. It would have to be next year though, because we have a full intake this year.” I immediately accepted the place feeling exhilarated that I had made it on the course.

    A year to wait (or maybe not…)
    I had qualified as a Nursery Nurse at college and went on an agency. I was asked to go and work in a private day nursery in Manchester. I started the Nursery and loved it. I enjoyed working with the children, talking to their parents (letting them know what their child had been up to all day) and my friendly work colleagues. After two weeks the manager called me in to her office and offered me a job, stating she would pay the agency £1,000 to breech the contract of not recruiting their staff. She offered me the better pay than most of the girls there (£4.95 per hour) and wanted to make me a room co-ordinator for the 2-3 year olds. This all sounded great!

    However I couldn’t afford to live close by and getting the train at 5am from my local town in order to get to the nursery for 7:30am was taking it’s toll. So she spoke to a parent of one of the children in the Nursery and she agreed to let me rent a room on the cheap. So I had a job, responsibility and a new place to live. I even by this point met a boyfriend who lived in Manchester too. All good apart from money being tight. I was one of the better paid there but by the time I’d paid my rent (which included all bills and council tax) and bought my food I practically had no spare cash.

    That evening my boyfriend (at the time) rang me and said he wasn’t going to Uni this year. He was going to save up and go next year. But I already knew that he had savings. I encouraged him to go (I wanted him to be happy and I know he really wanted to do the course he’d chosen), but he stated he had already given up his place. He later admitted that he did this to be with me.

    One day while walking home from work I looked down at my shoes. They had become scruffy and had developed what seemed to be a mouth (meaning the soul was detaching it’s self from the rest of the shoe). I suddenly realised that I couldn’t afford a pair of shoes. Not even a cheap pair. If I bought any I’d be short on cash to pay everything that I needed too. And if I borrowed some money, I couldn’t afford to pay it back the following month. I was poor. I knew I didn’t have much money as I lived close to the city centre, but never went out. When my boyfriend (at the time) and I went out he paid. Then my mobile started to ring.

    “Hello…It’s ….. from the University of Central Lancashire….we’d like to offer you a place this year….starting in four weeks…..”

    I looked down at my shoes and said: “Yes, I’d love too. I need a new pair of shoes.” I’m sure the women on the end of the phone thought I was mad, but I knew what it meant. Bursary from the NHS to train and would lead to a better paid job meaning more financial stability.

    The moral of the Story
    Although I am more financially well off now, I understand what it is like to be poor. To struggle to make ends meet, to have the basic food, no money for leisure or luxury. I will always remember those times of hardship and those times help me fully appreciate how people are currently struggling due their low wage, the credit crunch and increases in prices.

    Thanks for reading my ramblings,

    Antony

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    What I’d do if I won the euro millions

    By Thinking3 Comments

    The euro millions is appoximately £85m this coming Friday, according to the National Lottery website. Of course, I will be buying a ticket or two (that goes with out saying really). I know the odds are like billions to one. But it’s the hope of winning that makes you play, isn’t it? The dream of winning…and what you’d do with the cash.

    So it got me thinking, what would I do with the money if I won? Well…here’s some ideas.

    £7, 650, 000, 000 To charity (10% of my winnings, if I was the sole winner of the jack pot). I think I would donate a considerable sum to organisations working on a cure for Type 1 diabetes, as it is a condition I live with (and sometimes suffer with). Therefore it is a cause close to my heart.

    £10, 000, 000 To set up a charity and run the charity to help young people as well as people on the edge of society to achieve their aspirations. I have worked hard, like most people to get where they are. But then I have had a lot of support, that not all people have. A proportion of the interest recieved from saving a certain amount in a high interest savings account (see below) each year would go in to this charity to continously fund it and the good work it would do.

    £3, 000, 000 To Family and friends. I would want to help them out financially and make them more comfortable.

    £175, 000 To pay off my mortage on my apartment (see The Move) any debts and to travel.

    £60, 000, 000 In a high interest savings account (as suggested by my step dad Dean), so that I could live off the interest and pay some of the interest in to the charity.

    Ha ha and I’d have to think about the rest! What would you do?

    Antony x

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    A man named Alan Turning

    By Gay, History, Political, Thinking2 Comments

    There was once a man named Alan Turning. He is now seen as a hero for helping to break German Enigma code in World War two. However this wasn’t always the case.

    As a gay man living in these times he was convicted of homosexuality in the heterosexual world he lived in. He had a choice to under go chemical castration or go to prison. He choose to under go the chemical castration and later committed suicide.

    Looking back now he is seen as a brilliant and intelligent man. Think what he could have achieved in his life, if he hadn’t cut it short as a result of British law at the time.

    Gordon Brown according to Pink News apologised for his treatment after a petition signed by over thirty thousand people. There has been some debate on Gordon Brown’s apology amongst the gay community. Peter Tatchell said to Pink News:

    Peter Tatchell called the apology “welcome and commendable” but said an apology was also due to the estimated 100,000 British men convicted of similar offences.

    He said: “Singling out Turing just because he is famous is wrong. Unlike Turing, many thousands of ordinary gay and bisexual men were never given the option of hormone treatment. They were sent to prison.

    “All these men were criminalised for behaviour that was not a crime between heterosexual men and women.”
    (Pink News, last accessed: 12th September 09)

    However Zefrog said:

    And this brings the next question, that of the worth of an apology. This is not a new debate. It is a particularly heated one, for example, in the black community around the issue of slavery, where it is complicated by the question of financial reparations.

    An apology is, of course, a potent symbol…
    (Zefrog, Last accessed: 12th September 09)

    My opinion is that Gordon Brown could of better used his time and political influence to change the laws against homosexuality that still exist in the world. There are still places in the world were gay men (and sometimes lesbian women) are hung, shot or killed in some other way because of their sexuality. Because they have relationships and or sex with the same sex. You only need to look this world map below (provided by Wikipedia) to see how far spread homophobia still is in terms of governments laws against it.


    (Click on the map for full size readable version)

    Blog politically again soon,

    Antony x



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