Recently I’ve had two men who’ve caught my eye and so I’ve flirted with them. The problem is: when I like a guy I’m not so subtle.

So I got some flirting practice in with these two guys. It didn’t matter as I knew both guys weren’t right for me. The Fascinating Man has a partner & foster kids and the second man was too young.

But during flirting I realised that if it’s through Facebook messaging or the like – you completely loose the tone of voice and body language. This making subtle flirting even more difficult.

I can be Subtle, but it seems I still need to work on being subtle with men I like.

Write soon,

Antony

They taste delicious, much better than if you mixing your own and slip down rather nicely. At £1.75 and only 1.6 units per can, they are ideal if you’re not a big drinker or want to reduce your alcohol consumption.

Think of it like this: if you pour a vodka and diet coke at home you’re likely to pour more than a pub measure (25mls shot) 1 unit. Your likely to pour at least a double at 2 units – if not more, whereas these cans are only 1.6 units.

Of course it depends on how many of the cans you drink – but in theory, they are a good way to reduce your alcohol consumption.

Blog soon,

Antony

I found out that he’s gay – which I’d sort of guessed. That he’s taken (in a relationship) and that he has foster children. I wasn’t sure if this was right so I asked him…

The brief conversation we had fascinated me even more. All of what I found out are true. But what was more fascinating was how intense our brief communication was. It felt as though through his tone of his voice I could sense what he felt about what he was talking about. This fascinated me even more…

So I steered the conversation towards one of the safer things that fascinated me about him and his life: his foster children. I told him that if I ever fostered children with a partner, that I worry that the children would get bullied because of my sexuality. It was a this point that our conversation was interrupted…

I said I’d like to continue the conversation sometime. Since this brief conversation I have thought about this man and his life. Especially in regards to the foster children. A long time ago I crossed things off a list I’d never be able to do…

First getting married. That couldn’t of happened at the time of this list as no legislation allowed it. That’s changed now, gay people can have a civil partnership and the government are looking into the prospect of calling it gay mariage. Second was children…

People always said to me “you can foster”. But I always said, I don’t think society has progressed enough in it’s views to accept two gay men raising children. Perhaps this has changed as well? Something to think about…

Blog soon,

Antony

Perhaps it’s worried about more emotional trauma. Which is completely understandable. But recently I’ve had to go into situations that my fear has made me dredd beforehand, imaging what’s going to be said by people, how they will respond to me, etc. And you know what?

Facing my fear has been good. It’s never been as bad as I’ve imagined, in fact in some situations quite the opposite. So my advice to anyone feeling fear – think about how positive the situation could go (to give a balanced view), then go and face the situation – it’s never as bad as your fear makes out. And if it was, simply do what you have to do and then walk away.

Blog soon,

Antony

It’s weird that two parts of myself can be operating completely separately and with no communication, but perhaps it was essential, so that my heart could take some time-out to deal with the emotional trauma I have experienced in the last twelve months (see Grief, My Darling Baby Brother & The Annual Christmas Card Letter). Meanwhile my brain stepped in and took over the task of day-to-day living.

When I was following my heart I was living, whereas from the point when my brain stepped in I’ve been existing. I want to follow my heart again and live, so how to do it? How to reconnect my brain and heart – like it used to be?

Well I’ve started to mediate. I clear my brain of all the tasks of day-to-day living, quietening my mind. Then focus on one thought – my heart and what it’s saying. It’s difficult but I’m starting to hear what my heart is saying and starting to feel at an emotional level like I used too. First listen to my heart, then learn to respond to what it says.

Write soon,

Antony