I sat down, shuffled the deck and choose ten cards. Before Jaqui started she said “I get a sense that now is the time you need to be laying down good foundations for your future. I’m not talking about your short term future, but more like 5 to 10 years down the line. It’s like planting a seed.” The first two cards represented me. The first a phallic-like symbol representing my drive and motivation. The second card was the Queen of Cups a symbol of my feminine energy and psychic intuition.

Then four cards symbolise the influences on my life at the moment. The first money, “It feels to me, like your struggling to keep hold of your money. The man on the card is gripping his coin tightly.” Nothings every been truer. I think for the first time in my life, I haven’t got the money to pay the bills going out. I’m trying to be careful with my money, but I know I need to keep a closer eye on where’s it’s going and Jaqui reiterates this.

Another card symbolises isolation – I’ve isolated myself from people and at times felt alone. “You’ve been looking for help in the wrong places and from the wrong people.” Thinking about it I agree with Jaqui, I rarely ask for help and when I do it’s often of people who don’t know what’s going on with me.

The third card has a massive moon and Jaqui tells me that this is about my state of mind. She says “What you’ve been going through will make you feel like a lunatic at times.” Jaqui turns her attention to another card, “But this shows that your coming out of that period now. Although it’s been a long path and sometimes you’ve felt like your close to slipping back, your’re out of the worst of it now.”

Jaqui then turns her attention to the final influence on me. “There’s a very masculine man whose protective, very, very assertive coming into your life. He’s very loyal and will fight tooth and nail for the people he cares about.”
I ask: “Is he in a friend’s role or a love interest?”
Jaqui replies: “That depends on you. Underneath his assertive protective side, he’s also got a very loving side. So it depends on what you make of that relationship.”

Then Jaqui turns her attention towards my future. Each of the four cards represents a quarter of the next twelve months. The first is fate. Jaqui tells me that the wheels of fate are already turning to bring positive things into my life. The second is the chariot which is about moving along at a fast pace. Yet despite going at this pace, I have control of the reins and my will (or thoughts) will influence my direction.

The third and fourth is about learning. The third card shows a youthful student holding a sword but looking the other way. Jaqui asks if I intend to do any studying in September of this year. I confess that I have thought about my Masters in Public Health but can’t really afford to do it. Jaqui looks at the next card which is the same student blind folded with two swords in his hand. Jaqui says it’s about “putting decisions off. Avoiding them. In your case represented by the swords is the learning. I think you should do your Masters, I know it’s expensive and I know the economic climate sin’t good. But people won’t need new cars or technology but they’ll always need health care professionals. Plus I think that putting it off would lead to a period of indecision. So re-look at it. There are grants and ways to do things.”

The reading by Jaqui was brilliant and she was really honest. It feels good to know the wheels of fate are already turning to influence my life for the better, the thought of going to do my Masters is positive (I will have to re-look into this), and the fact I might have someone coming into my love life is exciting.

So if your’re after a tarot reading I would recommend Aurora (also known as Jaqui Leviston) and will be visiting her again in the future.

Write soon,

Antony

It’s weird that two parts of myself can be operating completely separately and with no communication, but perhaps it was essential, so that my heart could take some time-out to deal with the emotional trauma I have experienced in the last twelve months (see Grief, My Darling Baby Brother & The Annual Christmas Card Letter). Meanwhile my brain stepped in and took over the task of day-to-day living.

When I was following my heart I was living, whereas from the point when my brain stepped in I’ve been existing. I want to follow my heart again and live, so how to do it? How to reconnect my brain and heart – like it used to be?

Well I’ve started to mediate. I clear my brain of all the tasks of day-to-day living, quietening my mind. Then focus on one thought – my heart and what it’s saying. It’s difficult but I’m starting to hear what my heart is saying and starting to feel at an emotional level like I used too. First listen to my heart, then learn to respond to what it says.

Write soon,

Antony

Health
1. To quit smoking.
2. To test my blood sugars twice a day.

Well I haven’t quit smoking this year. But I know I need too. So it will probably go on new years goal list.

After recently being ill I have started to test my blood sugars more than twice a day, but it still needs to be on next years goals as I’ve only recently started regularly testing my blood sugars.

Education
3. To complete my Dissertation and Change for Children modules, therefore completing my degree.
4. To complete Complementary Therapies (Teach Yourself Your Evening Class) with Ian (my boyfriend).

As I wrote about in the The Annual Christmas Card Letter because of Alex’s death I didn’t manage to complete the Change for Children module meaning it will be a goal for the year ahead.

Ian and I split up, but I was still determined to at least start Complementary Therapies (Teach Yourself Your Evening Class). That was until I realised the cost of essential oils and the other equipment I’d need. So the course has popped in the cupboard of no return.

Creativity
5. To use my creativity more in my everyday life.
6. To write a short story per quarter of the year with themes. The themes and deadlines:

Theme	Deadline
Heroes and Villains	31st March 2010
Love	30th June 2010
Life & Death/Light & Dark/Good & Bad	30th September 2010
In search of an “object”/Holy grail	31st December 2010

7. To read 10 fiction or autobiographical books and review on the blog.
8. To read 5 pagan books and review on the blog.

I feel that I do use creativity more in my everyday life, especially with this new job.

I haven’t done any creative writing this year, despite setting myself deadlines. I do have some good ideas and hope to write in the year ahead. I want to be Writing Something Worthwhile. I’ve read twelve fiction or autobiographical books, but not managed to review them all on the blog. I hope to catch up with the reviews in the new year. I haven’t managed to read 5 pagan books this year.

Paganism & Spirituality
9. To continue to work on invokation of Apollo.
10. To read Astral Projection for Beginners by Edain McCoy and regularly practice my astral projection.
11. To buy a book on runes, learn runes and practice.
12. Host a psychic party.

My pagan and spiritual development has been somewhat arrested this year. I bought Astral Projection for Beginners by Edain McCoy but then borrowed it out so haven’t read it yet. But I have done some Astral Projection. I also bought runes and a book about it, but runes didn’t connect with me as a method of definition.

Financial
13. Pay off credit cards.
14. To not increase my debts.
15. To live more frugally.

My credit card debts have stayed at roughly the same owed. So I’ve managed to not increase my debts which was a goal for this year. But in the year ahead I really need to focus on reducing the debts and the interest that I pay on them. I need to renegotiate my out goings and save regularly for that “rainy day.”

Family and Friends
16. To support them to achieve a state of increased happiness.
17. To see my friend Simon at least once a month.

I hope that I have supported my family and friends to achieve a state of increased happiness. I have given advice, supported them through difficult times and most importantly been their to listen. I’ve definitely achieved the goal to see Simon at least once a month, in fact I’ve exceeded it!

Travel
18. Save up to visit the Egyptian Pyramids.

I haven’t managed to save up to visit the Egyptian Pyramids, but it is a place I’d still like to visit.

Coming soon – My Goals for 2012.

Write soon,

Antony

Get in touch, contact me

Monday 21st November 2011

Dear Reader,

How fast this year has flown! I hope you find that yours has been a positive one, that’s been filled with joy. My year has been a tough one, more so than I could have ever expected. In January Alex my younger brother (18 year old) suddenly and unexpectedly died (see My Darling Baby Brother & Grief). I lost my enthusiasm for life, and still have times when I am incredibly sad. (Right: photo of Alex.) It was around this time that I also got a letter from work stating that I was ‘at risk’ of redundancy due to the government budget cuts. In February I continued to work on my final two university modules to complete my Nursing Degree (elearning). However due to the strict fortnightly deadlines on one module and the emotional trauma I was experiencing at the time, I was forced to put the module back. This means that instead of graduating with honours this year it will be next year.

My Darling Baby Brother

25th Birthday Blackpool

In May family and friends joined me to celebrate my 25th Birthday in Blackpool (Left: a photo of family and friends, see My Blackpool Birthday). A good time was had by all and I feel very fortunate to have such wonderful friends and family. Simon and I also visited Anglesey to see some of the ancient pagan monuments. (Right: a stone circle, see Visiting: Ancient Angelsey.)

Pagan Stone Circle in Anglesey

Dylan & Russell

June brought the arrival of new additions to my immediate family, two gorgeous Bengal kittens named Dylan and Russell. I have had hours of laughter from them, lots of cuddles and intermittent mischievous behaviour (Left: Dylan and Rus saying hello to the camera, see Kittens at home and spending time with Family and Friends.) In July I had the privilege to attend Shaun (my long lost brother) and Sarah’s (his now-wife) Wedding. It was a very emotional and touching ceremony, followed by a big reception and evening party (see The Wedding of the Year).

Shaun & Sarah's Wedding

September brought new career prospects as I got interviewed for and offered a new job. I accepted and started a three year post. I am enjoying the challenge and making the most of the opportunity to learn.

John Barrowman LIVE

In October I finally got to see John Barrowman Live. I have wanted to see him perform for the last four years. The first two years I couldn’t manage to get tickets (as he only plays at more intimate venues), last year I got tickets but was too ill to go, so I was pleased to finally make it. I went with Simon and we had a fantastic time. (Left: John Barrowman before the curtain dropped, see An evening see John Barrowman LIVE.)

Now as the winter starts to signal the years end I find myself in a reflective mood. My love life this year has been barren, but I haven’t minded as I haven’t been at my best. Most of my goals for this year have not been met, and my spiritual beliefs have been challenged. Still despite all that has happened this year, there have been moments of joy and positivity.

Antony xxx

• Grief
• Ill Health
• Debts – credit cards and over draft
• Fatigue

Here’s a photo of the fire after I’d thrown one of my slips in:

Glorious! Banished in the flames.

Write soon,

Antony