GJ disapeared off my Facebook friends list a few weeks ago now. When I tried to ring him (to see if he fancied the cinemas), no answer. In the end I had to ring an ex-partner and ask him to pass my number over facebook to GJ. I thought that GJ may have lost his phone and facebook had played up and deleted me, but this wasn’t the case. He had read I have a date on Saturday and had felt jealous. He told me when he eventually texted me that he didn’t want to read more. My response: Well it’s your choice to read my blog.
Sound harsh? I have often blogged about my blog being a creative outlet and allowing me to express how I feel about things. I can’t and won’t start censoring what I write to please or not upset people. GJ and I have a very complex history and relationship.
The basics are that we have tried dating and being in a relationship several times and it doesn’t work. We end up falling out and not talking for months. I hate not having him in my life so we decided to remain friends always.
When I realised that he had choose to delete me on facebook as a friend and choose not to answer my calls and texts it hurt. I had relied on him to always be there for me. Is that wrong? I mean after all he has no responsibility or obligation towards me. And if he met someone I’d be a little jealous that he’d have less time for me, but if the guy made him happy, I’d be happy for him. Sigh.
We got talking again and I invited him to mine for a gathering of some of my closest friends. He barely spoke to them, sat there with his arms folded and left early. He always seems to want more than friendship. One thing I know for definitate: is that it hasn’t worked in the past and therefore the probability of it working if we attempted it again is low. Besides which a good friend of mine always says “Move on to pastures new. There’s a reason it didn’t work.”
I reflected on the experience and to be honest, after his performance the other night and the fact that I actually like being single (selfishly I don’t have to consider anyone else) I am more than happy with a friendship with GJ. I simply wish that’s all that he wanted.
How can I handle this situation? Any advice or answers on a postcard please, or better yet: post a comment.
Antony
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This may sound perticularly harsh coming from me, but I am usually the one chasing after friends whom I have not hung out with in a while, for company, and because I tend to invest more in friendships than I recieve (but again, thats just me)
I would say let him do his thing, make no special attempt to share your life with him as a friend, see if he can invest time into the friendship on equal ground, you need to be able to both have a firm understanding of the boundries and what you are comfortable with, otherwise there is tension, and tension does not a good friendship make.
Of course, if he has stopped reading your blog, then you can do this effectively, but if he continues to read your blog (and in all honesty, if there is someone I know blogging, possibly about me, I’m going to read it just incase it may involve me… which isn’t the reason I read your blog by the way… I read yours because… erm… your awesome?)
I suppose what I’m trying to say (and I appreciate at this point that this would have been a half an hours conversation, was it held in person) is that you both need to clearly set boundries on your relationship now, so see how he likes not being in your life at all, don’t do all the messeging and checking up on him and inviting him ’round, just be casual and treat it as a casual friendship.
I’m just going to the flow with GJ and seeing what happens. Thanks for your comment.
A x